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Not being invited to wedding dinner
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 03 2009, 10:55 am
honestly I would just invite everybody ... some will show up early for chuppah only - some late for dessert - others for the entire wedding - while some won't show up at all ... it balances out ...

I still feel badly till this day - being one of the last to get married in my class and people moving out of town - I forgot about some classmates I would have surely invited ...
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 03 2009, 11:38 am
greenfire wrote:
honestly I would just invite everybody ... some will show up early for chuppah only - some late for dessert - others for the entire wedding - while some won't show up at all ... it balances out ...


I think the biggest problem is when the baalei simcha are forced to pay for uneaten meals that go to waste when people leave early. Of course, that's exacerbated by starting the simcha late . . .

I once made the mistake of total honesty with a coworker: she invited me to her daughter's chassunah. At the time, my children were all very small and my husband was out of town. The chassunah was held about 45 minutes away, and I was very concerned that I might not make it despite my best intentions, so I told her not to reserve a meal for me -- if I was able to come, I would come for the chuppah or dancing only. Well, she barely speaks to me to this day, and DH told me that my response was probably insulting to her. That seems odd to me, but I haven't repeated this faux pas!
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 03 2009, 9:49 pm
Clarissa wrote:
DefyGravity wrote:
I'm of the mindset that if someone is not a good enough friend to invite to the wedding, there's no need to only invite them to the chuppah.

Personally, I'm not interested in getting dressed up to go to an event and taking the time to go, if it's only for the chuppah. I also don't like getting invites for the entire wedding if it's someone I hardly know. Why are they inviting me?
I agree 100%. I find it really strange. If I care about someone enough to invite them to the wedding, they're invited for the whole thing. I think the invitations should read, "Please come to the ceremony, but leave soon after. Our real friends will be staying for a lovely meal and celebratory dancing. We'd be happy to provide you with directions to some local eateries, should you work up an appetite during your time with us. Gifts are still expected, by the way, although they may be more modest."


LOL! when we got married, my attitude was just so--"if you're close enough for me to want you at my wedding, you're close enough to be invited for the whole thing." then again, bekoshi we scraped together 160 people, and that included every couple who ever invited me to their wedding, even if we hadn't so much as exchanged shanah tovah cards in the 3 years since. I might have felt differently had I had 10 married siblings, 75 first cousins, and a graduating class of 500.

I used to go to "chuppah only" invitations when I was single, had a whole crowd of acquaintances getting married, nothing better to do at the time, and plenty of other friends going to the same affair. Dressing up was fun back then, travel wasn't such a tircha, and the shmorg was always the best part, so who cared if we missed the rubber chicken and tasteless parve ice cream? Now that the weddings we're invited to are not my own friends but the children of friends, relatives, and business associates, I wouldn't go to a chuppah-only unless it were very close by.
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