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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Appropriate consequence



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amother


 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 10:25 am
Mom and dad are about to go out of the country. Mom can't find her keys to her car.
When mom and dad get back, they find out 17 year old son, without a license, who does not live at home but happened to have been there and must have "found" the missing car key, took mom's car for a joy-ride and had a minor accident with it.

What kind of disciplinary action would you take if that was your son?

If that was my son, I'd strongly consider calling the police. Not sure if I actually would or not, but I'd definitely entertain that idea.
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costanza




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 10:36 am
I wouldn't call the police.

But I would give some kind of severe punishment and not allow that child to be given any responsibility becuase he has proven he cannot be trusted. If he's 17 and getting ready to go to Israel for the year, I might consider not letting him go. I would also make him pay for the damage - even if it takes him a long time to pay it off.

It's tough. We think we know what we would do - but when it's your kid - who realy knows?
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red sea




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 10:36 am
For starts he needs to pay for the repairs out of his own $$$... then you need to know more about this specific story to know how to make the punishment fit the crime.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 11:00 am
red sea wrote:
For starts he needs to pay for the repairs out of his own $$$... then you need to know more about this specific story to know how to make the punishment fit the crime.


I agree completely! Paying for the repair is the basic issue; however, additional consequences depend upon other factors. For example, is this an otherwise-exemplary boy who suffered a single episode of teenage-boy-negative-IQ syndrome or is this a boy who has a history of doing irreponsible or reckless things?
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btMOMtoFFBs




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 11:03 am
in addition to paying for repairs I would take away his drivers license for a period of time. He needs to hear about earning his parents trust again.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 11:04 am
red sea wrote:
For starts he needs to pay for the repairs out of his own $$$... then you need to know more about this specific story to know how to make the punishment fit the crime.
Its my brother. What more specifics do you want? I'll tell you.

How can you discipline someone who lives out of your home and doesnt rely on you for money?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 11:05 am
btMOMtoFFBs wrote:
in addition to paying for repairs I would take away his drivers license for a period of time. He needs to hear about earning his parents trust again.
I think I might have mentioned that he has no driver's license.


And its a rebellious boy who does have a history of reckless behavior. Doesnt live at home- lives with his girlfriend. Went off the derech completely.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 11:06 am
red sea wrote:
For starts he needs to pay for the repairs out of his own $$$... then you need to know more about this specific story to know how to make the punishment fit the crime.
How can you make someone pay for the repairs if he doesnt want to?
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 11:15 am
Under those circumstances, there may be little the parents can do to make him pay. Likewise, the police are probably not going to want to get involved -- they would probably have difficulty prosecuting the boy for driving without a license. However, I'd change the locks on the doors immediately and make it clear that he is not allowed to come into their home without their express permission and presence.
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gottago




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 11:15 am
I don't know about your local PD but ours is very good at giving kids a scare without actually filing charges. You parents could pre-arrange a visit to the police station and file a complaint about a stolen and damaged car. The police would then order him to pay damages etc... if your parents don't want to press charges, that makes the the good guys, a position they probably want to be in so that when he decides to come back, he's comfortable doing it.
Good Luck, nothing is easy with these kids,. it's like walking a tightrope.
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red sea




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 03 2009, 11:28 am
Well, then I would def change the locks and prevent further occurences and simply state the money is owed in this amount and that is that, I think it is still ok for the parents to let him know that they expect him to pay even though it may take years for that to happen because although he is acting out does not mean they expect less of him or think less of him than any other non rebellious child who would be taught "you break, you buy".
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