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Forum -> Children's Health
How to politely inform neighbor that their daughter has lice



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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 2:29 pm
I have a super sweet neighbor that comes to play with my children. Today I noticed her scratching her head. I used opportunities to take a closer look at her scalp and noticed a louse crawling on her hair (Im itching just writing about it). I feel terrible and dont know how to inform her parents without embarrasing them ( I mean how would you feel if someone came to you and said your child has lice). But then again I dont want to put my children at risk. I truly love this little girl as does my children. Oh another thing is that unfortunately this family is not known to have the best hygiene, and so no one allows their children to play with my neighbors children. So Im afraid that even if I do find a way to tell them, the matter wont be taken care of. So will I have to tell my children that they can never play with the neighbors again? Im so torn. Any ideas pleeeeze???
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HindaRochel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 2:32 pm
lice isn't due to poor hygiene. Perhaps you could elaborate on what you mean by poor hygiene? Is there a way you could help them slowly to adapt a more hygienic lifestyle?

In terms of lice. I would simply say "I notice your child had a louse in her hair. Do you need help with the combing out process? I'd be glad to give you a hand. I know it is difficult.

Most likely your kids also have lice now, so I would check them.
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Lady Godiva




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 2:36 pm
So sweet of you to allow your children to play with a girl that is not accepted by others.
About the lice, you must tell the mother, and it must be taken care of. Maybe give her the number to a hair checker (if that's what they're called) so she can get her hair cleaned out. Also, everybody in the household should get their hair checked too, and your family too. You are doing her a favor, not a disservice, by telling her, and I'm sure she'll appreciate it.
Your children can play with her again, but just not now while she has lice. You can explain to your children how lice spread, and they will want to stay away on their own, until she is free of lice/nits.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 2:39 pm
By poor hygiene I mean they let in stray cats, they have a dog that poops on the floor and they will leave it there for weeks, everytime the daughter comes to play she comes barefooted with black feet and grime under the toenails. Hair is never combed... I so feel for her, it is not her fault, I blame the parents neglect.
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HindaRochel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 2:44 pm
That is more than just sloppiness. The family needs help. Is there anyway you can help her? I don't worry about the barefoot and uncombed hair, but the dog poop is a sign of something deeper going on, and stray cats is dangerous.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 2:55 pm
I actually just moved here (EY) and thought of getting them help somehow. I just dont know how yet. Im not sure who to turn to or where to go. They are a family with 6 children ages 5-14, I've seen the oldest one with a mentor who seems to be taking him under his wing. The younger 3 have a sort of speech problem. The kids seem kind of normal but distant at the same time. Unfortunately the father is unemployed and the mother is the only one working and supporting the household. I know its hard to be a full time working mother but someone has to take care of the children. Does anyone near Jerusalem or BeitShemesh have info on what agencies might be able to help?
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fiddle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 3:05 pm
best way to tell her, is to say I think my dd may have lice, she has been playing with ur dd I hope she hasnt gotten it, but give it a check just in case.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 3:11 pm
Catching lice is not a shame, every year there are epidemics in primary schools.

Is hair checker really a job? By here people will go to the pharmacist and be given products...

If the father is unemployed how come it's so dirty? mamash these things happen when both parents work over time...
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ShakleeMom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 3:42 pm
Can you clean it out for the girl? I'm willing to bet it won't be done, even you tell them.

Call up the mum and say "I just finished all the kugels, I have about an hour until my little ones will be home... is this a good time to help you with rachelli's nits? I'm very good at it, it's not a bother at all"

And by God, you better become good at it. If your kids play with her, you will have both heads to clean, For now, be happy you have only 1 head. This will be an investment for you. Do it.

This is how I did it once for someone: Put a towel on your kitchen table. Kid should lie flat down on her belly. Move the table to the center of the room directly under the source of light. Kid should put her head to one side, cheek resting on the table. Have your other kids feed her lollies and ices the entire time. In the meantime, start working on the hair. Strand by strand, check it, pull it out, or whatever… kill them. Have her turn her head to the other side, you move to the other side of the table… good luck. Should take about an hour.


then, give her a bath and scrub her head with shampoo, conditioner, comb out with a lice comb when the conditioner is still on her hair. Then, blow dry for 10 minutes to kill the rest and you're done.
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Tamiri




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 3:46 pm
Based on your description of the home, plus the fact that this is Israel, my opinion is that it will be useless to say anything. All the kids probably have lice and they are likely in the bedding/towels (if the family has those). You can clean her head all you want, but your work probably won't last a week.
I would try to get some help for the family. Something is off.
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grin




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 3:49 pm
I also feel that the lice is the small part of this family's problems. maybe you could bring up the other "hygiene" issues with one of the children's principals?
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jeliela




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 3:56 pm
the father does help and clean minimally. He makes dinner BH. But then again, men are not good at these sorts of things, its just not in their nature to keep house. As for me offering to clean her head, it might help but I cant go to their house and wash their pillows, sheets, clothes, rugs, etc. You are right it the little buggies are just bound to come back. Even if her friends at school give it back to her. Lice here is just a serious, serious epidemic. The more I think about it, the more I feel it's a no win situation. I just dont feel that anyone in their house cares enough.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 01 2009, 4:22 pm
So the real problem isn't lice at all.

It's whether you do something about some kids who may be neglected.

That's a really tough call, but if you can focus on the real issue, it will be easier to decide.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2009, 10:36 am
Quote:
men are not good at these sorts of things, its just not in their nature to keep house.


I disagree, it all depends on personality and upbringing. Some men are good at it. Some women are bad at it.
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Chocoholic




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2009, 11:16 am
Leaving dog's feeces is very very dangerous!!! My dog sometimes leaves a solid one but I clean it up INMEDIATELY. They need serious intervention. Basic hygiene.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2009, 2:14 pm
I dont think lice is embarrasing. I think anyone who thinks lice is embarrassing is misunderstanding it. is the flu embarrasing? no I never had lice, hope never to have it, my kids never had lice, and IYH hope never to have: however, it is known that lice can be spread easily between ppl, and is not necessarily poor hygiene. so OP, I totally think you should straight up tell the parents whats going on. Now, as for the poor household hygiene, this sounds like neglect, and if you could get help for them, it would be a big mitzvah and zchus for you. good luck!
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 04 2009, 9:48 pm
you have 2 issues here

as far as the lice one - seems like it's something some families get used to and barely deal with it ... but you should definitely notify the mom

as far as neglect that's a far bigger issue ... no easy answer there - they sound like they need more hands on help ...
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