Need help breaking very unpleasant habit in toddler

amother

Thu, Mar 11 2010, 10:28 am

This is really embarrassing but I have no choice, I need some ideas. My toddler son (between 1/2 and 2 1/2, dont want to specify age to keep anonymous) has developed a habit for the past year, which is not so unusual in little boys but he has taken it to an extreme and I just don't know how to deal with it. He plays around with his private the second he has a chance; when I change him or bathe him his hands go down there immeidately and stay there until I forcibly take them away. It has become an obsession, it has gotten to a point that he tries to touch through his clothes, squeeze his legs together, and worst of all he makes purring noises the whole time. He gets upset if I take his hand away. He'll touch it nonstop if I leave him with his diaper off (like in the bath). This is more than just exploration, he obviously knows it feels good and keeps trying to find opportunities to do it. I don't know how to deal with it. Firstly I have to toilet train him at some point, and I can't see him being without a diaper if he's always doing this. Secondly, put toilet training aside, this isn't normal, this has to stop at some point. I was on the phone today with a relative who knows about this issue and she heard him purring while I was changing his diaper, she said "I feel sick" and read me a riot act, making it sound like my kid is disgusting. But anyway putting all this aside, I do need help how to break this habit, it's unpleasant and abnormal and uncomfortable. Does anyone know how to go about fixing this problem?

amother

Thu, Mar 11 2010, 11:02 am

That is not really an optoin, he is too young to understand that, and I want him to stop doing it, not encourage him to continue, in private or otherwise. He won't be able to be toilet trained if he'll put his hands down there every time I take his diaper off. I also will not be able to send him to preschool if he will still be doing it by the time he is ready for preschool. This is a habit that must be STOPPED, not 'encouraged to do in private.' If anyone has ideas on how to get him to stop doing it, please help me.

amother

Thu, Mar 11 2010, 11:03 am

That is not really an optoin, he is too young to understand the difference between public and private. His bath is also private. When I change him is also private. He needs to stop doing it now, not develop a lifelong habit. I will not be encouraging him to continue, in private or otherwise! He won't be able to be toilet trained if he'll put his hands down there every time I take his diaper off. I also will not be able to send him to preschool if he will still be doing it by the time he is ready for preschool. This is a habit that must be STOPPED, not 'encouraged to do in private.' If anyone has ideas on how to get him to stop doing it, please help me.

Thu, Mar 11 2010, 12:17 pm

You are not setting him up for a life of m@sturbation by letting a child in a diaper touch himself.
If he is too young to understand public and private then you are asking too much from him to stop doing it
Really you need to chill--- I suggest you do the opposite of what you say has not been working anyway - let him play with it to his hearts content until he grows bored with it.
Let him run around your house naked for a few days, dont even mention his parts. I bet you will find the fascination wears off. If he is touching himself distract him with something else to play with.
Let him be a baby - not think of it as a s@xual thing

mominlkwd

Thu, Mar 11 2010, 12:24 pm

I agree with amother, I'm not sure you should make a big deal about it as you don't want to make him insecure about this issue. I think what you are doing is the right thing. take his hands away and just say "we don't do this in front of people". He will learn soon not to do it, it may take a little while but it's like biting your nails It just seems worse because it's something you are embarresed of. As far as sending him to his room to do it? I'm not sure about that, that may teach him to be embarresed about his feelings etc. but I do think it's important that you should not make him feel ashamed in any way.

Mommeeeeeeee!

Thu, Mar 11 2010, 12:26 pm

I have seen this habit easily and successfully dealt with by just completely and totally ignoring it. in other words, let him do it to his heart's content, just ignore and pretend it's not happening, and eventually the obsession will wear off, within a few weeks. just bear in mind that chances are it WILL get worse before it gets better, maybe even much worse, but eventually he'll get over it. he's a toddler. relax. it says nothing about his future as an adult.

amother

Thu, Mar 11 2010, 1:04 pm

I've been ignoring it for a year, and it's only getting worse.
I've let him run around without a diaper, and then all he does is sit and touch it.
You ladies arent being helpful. Yes, I do want him to stop doing it. As I said, I cannot toilet train him nor send him to preschool like this. and we're getting pretty close to that age. I have other boys and none of them do anything like this. They went through the discovery phase as infants, but didnt become obsessed and make purring noises and try at every opportunity to get their hands in there.
But thanks anyway for trying. I've come up with some ideas on my own, such as giving him a toy to play with during diaper changes and putting him in the bath with briefs on, so he has no opportunity to keep touching.

amother

Thu, Mar 11 2010, 3:58 pm

My son didn't have the exact same issue - but I guess similar. He lays on his stomach and rocks back and forth and other times (I.e. shower) touchs it more than I think is normal (I have a couple of other sons). I think he started doing this at around age 3 - I can't remember - he is now about to turn 6. I was told by his Dr. to mostly leave him alone about it and if it becomes an issue to make him aware it is not acceptable in public - which I see as very different than saying it is okay to do in private. I also go crazy inside when I see him doing it. At first I would go crazy vocally to my husband and such - but I do agree with previous posters that you need to chill ( I know it is hard - bec. I had a hard time doing it myself). Your son is still too little - but with my son, if I ever saw him doing it or touching himself - which he did do occasionally - I would say it is not tznius. He understood to stop doing it and I don't think he took it too negatively that it will effect him in the future.

My main fear was that he would do it so much that it would become a habit and he would have a harder time of breaking it and ultimately be obsessed with it. It bothers me to know that I could have done something when he was young to prevent him from growing up obsessed with such a big aviera. I have come to terms that he is more intuned with this body part and it will be a harder challange for him than other boys - but I haven't figured out how to guide him in this area - but I do feel that being calm about it is the best way to start. Some kids will react by doing it more - if you make such a big deal about it.

Now, I don't see him doing it as much - but then again I think he might be doing it every night - I don't pay attention anymore.

Why do some of the previous posters think the fascination will go away - to me if something feels good - why would they stop doing it.

I would love to hear from more mothers who have had experience with it.
Sorry so long - but this is a topic that I really feel strongly about.