WWYD - Shabbat Guest

queenofhearts

Mon, Apr 19 2010, 8:13 am

So here is the scenario. You have an open door policy on Shabbat. Your friends know that they can bring a friend or two along with them if they are coming to you for a Shabbat meal. You like to have advance notice, but you always cook enough to feed an army anyway, so if you get a drop-in or two, it’s never a problem.

Your friends let you know a day or two before Shabbat that they plan to bring their single girlfriend Ms X along with them, as she has nowhere to be for Shabbat. They tell you she is so excited about attending. What these friends are not aware of is that Ms X used to work with your husband a couple of years before, and he cannot stand her. Being the consummate professional that he is, he never let on to her that she made his skin crawl. He has told you that just hearing her voice is the equivalent of nails on a chalk board for him.

You know your husband is going to be extremely uncomfortable having her at his table, but you also know that it would be mean and rude to tell your friends not to bring her.

WWYD in this situation?

HindaRochel

Mon, Apr 19 2010, 8:28 am

Wow, that is a tough one. Can your dh abide her for just one meal? It would be a great act of loving one's neighbor as oneself....

Perhaps she has changed? Perhaps she is different in a personal rather than a professional setting?

If it would hurt someone to refuse you can only refuse EVERYONE...you are sick, something came up and you can't host whatever....and even then it is very problematical.

I would seat her far from your dh and try and engage her attention elsewhere, so your dh has less to do with her.

louche

Mon, Apr 19 2010, 11:46 am

It's only one meal and it's a great chessed. DH can put up with someone he can't stand for one meal. I'm sure in your time you've put up with ppl you don't enjoy, too.

Of course you must warn dh so he can prep himself psychologically, and invite a few more ppl to act as buffers. With enough people, and with Lady Macbeth seated as far from dh as possible, he may not even have to talk to her at all.

This is what we do when dh invites a certain couple I can't abide. I seat them at his end, fill up the table with other guests, and then they're so far away from me I hardly interact with them except to say hello and good rid--er, I mean goodbye.

drumjj

Mon, Apr 19 2010, 11:54 am

we very often have guests who I dont want to have but its a mitzva I seat them at the other side of the table and make sure I have other guests so its not too tedious.