Is your home an open house?

Aribenj

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 10:10 am

I akways pictured my house being open to whomever needed a place to enjoy a shabbos dinner, hosting random people, travelers, etc.
Our Shul actually has an hachnosos orchim program where you can sign on to host peep from out of town or people who are new to the community. I love this idea! It's a great way to meet new people and I just love having new and different people over.
But dh thinks its a terrible idea and won't do it. He says that you cant just bring strangers into your home in this day and age. Its just not safe. I see his point... I just wish things were different...

Does anyone have an open house, and if so, how do you handle security issues?

Ruchel

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 10:14 am

LOL I want to register at sawyouonshabbes (sp?). Dh also says it's a bad idea security wise, or simply because we would end up with weirdos or annoying people. He also sees shabbes as "family day" (so do I but once in a while, why not?). It's very cultural as we didn't grow up in communities where people had often guests for shabbes, I guess.

Anyway the thread about the worst guests shows us it's sometimes hard to handle the security matters, and hard to put a limit between "annoying, weird, but harmless" and "kick him out!".

Ima2NYM_LTR

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 10:19 am

seeyouonshabbos is a great idea and everyone has to provide references, which helps the host feel more secure.

We have an open house. Part of it is faith in HaShem, part is faith in our fellow human beings and part is that we simply dont have anything worth steeling. That said, if I speak to someone, or have them over once and get a bad vibe, then they dont get invited back -and yes, there have been people I refuse to have over.
Bottom line is you do it smart. Speak to the people, get a feel for them, see if they can provide references. But the mitzvah is still one of the greatest there can be. Good luck with it!

bubby

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 10:20 am

I agree with your DH...especially if you have children. Unfortunately, just because someone is Jewish it doesn't mean he/she is safe. We have an "open house" but whoever shows up to eat or sleep is known to either our sons or THEIR friends. DH is always being greeted by people who says they stayed &/or ate here & he has no clue who they are, even when they explain! Smile

MommyZ

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 10:22 am

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 11:51 am

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

We have an open house. Part of it is faith in HaShem, part is faith in our fellow human beings and part is that we simply dont have anything worth steeling. That said, if I speak to someone, or have them over once and get a bad vibe, then they dont get invited back -and yes, there have been people I refuse to have over.
Bottom line is you do it smart. Speak to the people, get a feel for them, see if they can provide references. But the mitzvah is still one of the greatest there can be. Good luck with it!

I agree with this as well.
We have had an open home from the very beginning. Even before we were married because we let some guys dh knew stay in the apartment we rented for 2 weeks before our wedding. We got burned in that encounter and more times afterward. I don't regret a single one though. We do what we can both to have people in our home and to protect our family and children and to a much lesser degree, our possessions.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 11:57 am

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

Unfortunately theft is the least of what most people worry about. With kids, it's tough to trust strange men in your home these days.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 11:58 am

I'm the same amother as above and I forgot something I wanted to say. we recently wanted to start one of our kids off in a newly opened school and the school had no objections to us as a family except that we have all kinds of people (school called them weirdos) in our home. They were going to ask a gadol whether we should be accepted or not but in the end we decided not to send to a school that didn't share our open house value and where we weren't wanted. So far, Bh I do not think our kids have been negatively effected by all the interesting people in our home. To the contrary I think it has helped them grow up better. Its not for everyone but I'm glad we can do it.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 1:00 pm

amother wrote:

I'm 2 mothers above. Just wanted to clarify that you were 2 mothers above, not the mother above (I posted while you were writing)

ysydmom

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 2:50 pm

Depends what you mean by open. I sometimes have guests for meals but usually not, however shabbos afternoon my house is a balagan. I have children and their parents over. Lots of different ages and it's a really hopping place.

I love having guests and wish I had koach to have more. We always have a great time and my kids are well entertained by all the company.

The downside is cleaning up after, and there is added food expense. but it's usually not such a big deal, the kids clean up before they leave the table is plastic tablecloth goes straight into the garbage and the floor just gets a quick sweep and mop.

It teaches the kids hachnosos ohrchim while they are kept busy, I get some company and we all have a great time.

Makes shabbos extra special.

If you want to have an open house there needs to be rules that everyone follows so that it doesn't get out of hand when I was single we had one guest that caused alot of tention in our home she was not invited again. We sometimes had 20 people on shabbos and sometimes 10 it was always very nice.

Isramom8

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 3:24 pm

OP, if you really want an open house, it's more in the attitude than in letting in strangers. You can build a reputation where friends will send their friends, etc. We have found that when people feel comfortable just hanging out at your home, it opens.

Both members of the couple have to be okay with it. Start slowly and see what develops!

Only once did I kick someone out. It was at a Purim seuda, and my kids were saying something like this guy asked them to go into the bathroom with him. He was like, "That's so not the way it is!" But I didn't care; I said it was time for him to go.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 4:21 pm

All I can say and dont flame me, lol.. If you want to take a Middas Sodom approach, thats your deal.. I have personally witnessed too many times to count, how families in Tosh, Skvere, Kasho, Monsey, as well as, Chabad in all sort of remote places all over the world who cherish HaCnosas Orhim agressively have mind-boggling Siyata DShomaya.

I have also seen the converse. Im not judging anyone C"V, but I have seen in Lakewood/Monsey/BP, very meeyus incidents, that were ALWAYS eventually paid off mida cneged midah...

ora_43

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 4:34 pm

We used to have an open house. It wasn't a big safety concern precisely because it was open. Even if one person was odd or chv"s dangerous, there were many other people around. Safety in numbers and all that.

We never have had an open house for sleeping, though. Only friends and friends of friends stay the night. And if it's not someone we know well, then someone we do know well (and trust completely) is sleeping in the kids room with the kids (which is usually the case anyway, at least on Shabbat).

We don't really have an open house now because of time and energy and money all being limited. But there are ways to have just a few guests and stay safe, by having someone vouch for your guests. For example if someone's coming in from the states and needs a place, I can always call their rav in the states, or their friends in Israel, or whoever else, and check them out first. Or there are programs where someone is sending people out to meals, so there's a bit of screening there.

In general I don't worry about people who come to meals because it seems so unlikely that anyone would try something in the middle of a meal. It would be one of the stupidest ways to attempt a crime, given that they could just as easily try the same thing in the middle of the night. Also, my husband is BH a big guy, and not so many people would win a fight with him if it came down to that (and usually we have at least one brother of his over too).

mimivan

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 4:42 pm

I guess a totally open house wouldn't work for us either because my dh and I have work at home jobs in which we are pressured for time and squeeze extra time for finishing project.

I could envision having an open house on Shabbat, but during the week, call first! Wink