Cutting hair before Upsherin

shalhevet

Mon, Nov 16 2009, 2:54 pm

TzipG wrote:

It is not our minhag to grow our boys' hair long. I cut it as soon as it starts getting girly looking and by the time my boys are 1-1.5 they start wearing a kippah.

With both of my boys, I got quite a few comments about his short hair and kippah when he was 1.5-2. Ppl even told me that it's minhag yerushalayim to grow the hair long and I have to follow that minhag even if it's not our personal minhag. I've learned to ignore such comments.

Obviously you are not being oveir on any halacha or minhag here. But you should consider that in EY almost everyone chareidi, and a good % of MO, grow their sons' hair till 3. I have seen, with my own eyes, mothers (Ashkenazim too) without their own hair covered, proudly leading their long-haired 2 year old dear sons. It is just expected here (at least among chareidim of all stripes) and you need to be prepared for people thinking its weird.

Tova

Mon, Nov 16 2009, 3:10 pm

I love the chinuch aspect of it. We talk about it to my son all the time - when you are 3 you will have a yarmulka and peyos. My husband won't let him wear tzitzis until he is reliably toilet trained so we don't hype that up. He is not even 2.5 yet so we don't know where he will be by Lag B'omer (actual birthday is Daled Sivan).

amother

Mon, Nov 16 2009, 4:49 pm

GetReal wrote:

amother wrote:

as long as you dont teach him alef beis before 3.

That is so interesting! I have never heard that before, and in my community, we definitely teach kids alef -beis before three!

I meant with the honey and everything, in a chinuch sense.
of course he knew the alef beis before three. and the abcs lol.
he didnt mean (at least I dont think) - "your son better remain illiterate til his upsherin"
sorry 4 the confusion! my only point is she shoul def. ask her rov.

amother

Mon, Nov 16 2009, 4:53 pm

Besiyata Dishmaya wrote:

amother wrote:

OP, I think you should definitely ask a Rov!!

with my first son a few years ago, his hair was unruly long and sticky. but it was very thin and it was difficult to put it up (even though he had alot of hair, it was hard to get clips or bands to 'hold' it because the hair was so fine). it was frustrating for me, and much more so for him - his hair always knotty, in his eyes, etc. Well, DH asked our Rov, (Vishnitz Rov of Bnei Brak FYI) and he said there is no problem to cut it before 3, as long as you dont touch the peyos and as long as you dont teach him alef beis before 3. So we did, and I was happy, and he was happy. I did it myself, in the bathroom, no hoorah or "haircut" excitement about it (actually, he was playing with my phone the whole time, I dont think he even noticed what was going on), and his upsherin was still a big deal b'h and he danced in a cheder with all the boys and had the alef beis just the same....

Did you cut it like you do for a 3 year old leaving only the peyos? Did he wear a yarmulka?

no absolutely not on both of those!
I cut it like a little kid with long bangs. again, I only really cut the bangs, that were in his eyes. I honestly dont think (other than my mother) people really noticed. by the time it grew back 3 or 4 months later (being in his eyes) it was thick enough to clip back. so I did that.

and I never heard of a little kid under 3 wearing a yarmuka, maybe just in ourcommunity. but I am racking my brain...I have never seen a little kid - 1 or 2 yr old in a yarmuka. IDK. other than like in yerushalayim like u mentioned, of course. but I live in the US so obviously that is not done.

Besiyata Dishmaya

Mon, Nov 16 2009, 5:36 pm

amother wrote:

Besiyata Dishmaya wrote:

Did you cut it like you do for a 3 year old leaving only the peyos? Did he wear a yarmulka?

There are many little boys all over, but esp. in Yerushalayim, that wear a yarmulka as of their bris.

amother

Mon, Aug 30 2010, 4:45 am

shalhevet wrote:

TzipG wrote:

yeah I have seen this so many times!!! utterly secular jews growing their boys' hair, and not even in EY! Even if not till 3 yo, but they always do let them grow longish and make pony tails