"Army thread" spinoff-explaining different hashkaf

DrMom

Tue, Oct 12 2010, 11:28 am

Isramom8 wrote:

I might say they don't know about that mitzvah, or they don't understand how important it is.

Yes, this is what I tell my children about their non-observant family members/neighbors who are mamash violating mitzvot.

For people following a different hashkafa, I tell my kids that there are differing opinions about how to follow certain mitzvot, and different communities follow different opinions.

I'm DL, so I am not sure if my opinion is wanted on this thread. My comments are meant to be pertinent to the general spin-off topic of differing hashkafot; I was not addressing the IDF issue.

mom23

Tue, Oct 12 2010, 1:46 pm

I didn't read all the responses, so forgive me if this has been said already.

Whenever my children ask why someone else does something that we do not (or the opposite) I tell them "in our family this is how we do things..."

It's worked every time.

ididit

Tue, Oct 12 2010, 2:15 pm

having just re-read reb. ruchama shain's book, "All for the Boss", this thread is very relevant. when the young ruchama asked her mother why she couldn't join her frum friends on Coney Island beach, her mother said, "WE do things differently." the emphasis was on "WE" it didn't diminish ruchama's friends' derech, it just reinforced how the shain family did their thing.

being a BT, having totally non-frum and even anti-frum close relatives, it's been something we've had to deal with since the beginning. I've always stressed the WE aspect with respect.
for example, my father is a wonderful generous and intelligent man. very ANTI frum. so, when I tell stories about him to my kids, I stress the mitzvos he's good at. I don't mention what he doesn't do. just what he does and how we should emulate those midos. the kids know how he feels about our frum lifestyle, so they know I am not whitewashing him. just helping them view him from a different angle.

and I totally agree with DrMom, about pointing out that different jews do different hashkafos, it's a wonderful way to bring peace to this contentious world of ours. after all, having Ahavas Yisrael is easy when loving someone you agree with. I think the Avodah of ahavas yisrael really applies when you have to love someone you disagree with. it requires looking past the differences and seeing the "sames", as in the same source: Tzelem Elokis.... Very Happy

stem

Tue, Oct 12 2010, 3:00 pm

In addition to saying "They don't realize how important the mitzva is" I usually add:

"They weren't lucky like you to be born in a frum family and go to a Jewish school. Some things that seem so easy for you is very hard for them, because they aren't used to it. Each one of us (you, me, our neighbor, friend) is working on the things that are hard for us."