Should I ask Billionaire Cousin for $ even if we never met?

Shopmiami49

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 9:05 am

If you are going to ask him for financial help, being a relative that he does not know will NOT help. If anything, it will probably make him more inclined to say no; like, oh you're asking me b/c I'm your relative? No, here is a local gemach that you can get the same service from. If you want to have a family get together to reunite relatives, well, then this is the right address.

Better to go as a stranger and ask - forget the family relationship thing, because it will come off as tacky and trying to use him for the connections that you have with him.

OTOH, if c"v you need the money for medical treatments for a certain illness, or something like that, I would be more inclined to tell you go ahead and ask, prefacing it as follows: "I am coming to you to ask for help. I know that we have never met before, and therefore I feel very uncomfortable asking you for your money. However, we are really stuck/this was really sudden/we don't have the funds and were hoping that maybe you would be willing to help us out. If you can not, we will turn to the gemachim and take handouts - we're ok with that." or something to that affect.

shlomitsmum

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 9:44 am

NO ,you should not do that...
he is a stranger since you never met...not an ATM
To befriend and seek out a person for money is WRONG shock

.
How would you feel if the case was reverse???

If the situation is really desperate (like a health crissis )....have your Rav approach ,otherwise let it go.

laykee

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 9:50 am

I am surprised at how many are telling the OP not to ask.

Why shouldn't she? Forget the distant connection; if he is a baal chesed he wouldn't mind helping. Although it does seems like she is saying she is 'entitled' to his help because of her relationship and that is wrong, the simple fact is that it doesn't hurt to ask. I am sure her Rich Cousin will have no problem saying no, if he is so inclined.

I say go for it! And hopefully you will be a messenger for him to do another Mitzvah.

saw50st8

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 10:00 am

laykee wrote:

She said she isn't desperate. She should try other avenues before begging from a long lost relative.

However, now that you discovered a relative, I say get to know him (seperate from the money issue - leave money and family alone).

Capitalchick

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:01 am

laykee wrote:

What? Why is it OK to beg? Why was OP's first reaction to beg for money? Why didn't she first ask "do you think it would be OK for me to ask my rich cousin if I could work for him, so as to earn some extra money?"

The fact that the OP is willing to resort to begging as a first step, rather than thinking that earning the money is more appropriate, is quite telling and, frankly, upsetting.

Merrymom

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 1:16 pm

Capitalchick wrote:

laykee wrote:

Are you taking this thread seriously?

Tue, Nov 09 2010, 3:27 pm

laykee wrote:

I say go for it! And hopefully you will be a messenger for him to do another Mitzvah.

So I have a halachic question here since laykee brought up that it would be a mitzvah for the rich cousin to give to a less wealthy relative.

I get the mitzvah of tzedaka, to poor people and to worthy causes that effect change in the world.
I get the idea of sharing as a good thing, but not as a specific mitzvah.

So sharing can be to help someone in need - your neighbor needing a cup of sugar and you share some of yours.
I get sharing can be as a extension of hakoros hatov - you strike it rich and make you brother the VP in your company, or you win the lottery and buy your parents a new home.
So I get how that can be a mitzvah.
But I dont get how giving money to someone who is not desperately poor or in need for some specific reason (like medical issues) is doing a mitzvah??
I would not say that taking money from a rich relative is being a messenger for him to do a mitzvah, if its not your hand sticking out he would still be giving tzedaka, and maybe to a more needy person!

laykee

Wed, Nov 10 2010, 1:50 pm

My thinking: Anyone who asks for a handout is desperate. It is the most degrading thing to ask for one. Although the OP did say she wasn't 'desperate', I read the rest of what she was saying and thought anyone who is that bad off who is willing to ask a total stranger for money, is desperate. That's why I mentioned the mitzvah or tzdaka.

To your point of getting a mitzvah for possibly giving someone who is not as deserving as someone else; that is a good point. But, we have to trust that Hashem has a way of sending the right person as a sheliach to help us do mitzvos.