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Imhappy!









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 11:18 am       Post subject: Mishpacha magazine article
I don’t remember the title of the article I think it was “learn to love” it was the one that had a disclaimer before it…. If you can help me out with the title – I’ll change the subject here…

I would love to hear everyone’s opinion on it….

Mine: I read the article with tears running down my face. I had the chills… it described my first birth fairly well… of course I was a bit different – aren’t we all … but the overall feeling of despair/feeling neglected in face of the newborn baby/ feeling guilty for feeling those thoughts were the same.

Although I didn’t go for help, - things settled after a while… I also didn’t experience this amazing “high” at birth #2. Although I did learn for better care….

Well this is more of my life story then my opinion of this article.
In short I am amazed at the courage of the magazine to bring such topic to the front… I appreciate it so much. It brings much healing.

I know many will disagree with me – like teenagers reading it. Some ppl even claim that b/c such a small minority suffer why scare all other ppl ( primarily the newly weds/ first time preg…)

So what’s your take?
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SMILE!! IT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY!!
Please excuse my spelling I have no time to spell check!!!
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onlyme









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 11:28 am       Post subject: re: Mishpacha magazine article
Loved loved loved it, and really identified with it.
I even made dh read it "to better understand what I felt but didn't tell you at the time".

I really couldn't understand why they felt the need for that disclaimer, though. I thought it was obvious that what she was describing wasn't her hashkafa but rather her roller coaster of emotions (which are usually not planned or logical). Did I miss something?
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"To err is human. To blame it on a computer is even more so."
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suomynona









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 11:28 am       Post subject: re: Mishpacha magazine article
I liked the article a lot. I don't think it needed a disclaimer.
It doesn't sound like she had ppd, though. Just a hard time adjusting.
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Mama Bear









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 11:31 am       Post subject: re: Mishpacha magazine article
I was 1. annoyed at the husband and his attitude. It's his child too, and he needs a reality check that his nights of sleeping through are over, and he has to lend a hand. the mother should've been more vocal!! 2. surprised why none of the family pitched in at all, wasn't she at her parents' home for a reason? 3. happy with the ending and that she took proactive steps: epidural, kimpeturin home, cleaning help. there's no reason to suffer when you can help yourself!

I had a similar recuperation with my first child, the baby would cry for HOURS at night, and since I was pumping, that meant that once the baby was asleep I had to sit and pump. I slept for literally 2 hours a night. My husband was sleeping at home because my parents' guest room was too small for all 3 of us. It was absolute torture. I had to stop pumping because I just could not handle it anymore and my supply had dwindled to nothing from the stress. Once I got home, things improved a lot! And I learned that the baby needed to sleep upright or on his side, he did not like sleeping on his back!

I liked the article despite its darkness.
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onlyme









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 11:34 am       Post subject: Re: re: Mishpacha magazine article
Mama Bear wrote:
I was 1. annoyed at the husband and his attitude. It's his child too, and he needs a reality check that his nights of sleeping through are over, and he has to lend a hand. the mother should've been more vocal!!

Oh yes, I was thinking this too.
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EvenI









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 11:39 am       Post subject: re: Mishpacha magazine article
I identified with some aspects of it. It seems to me impossible to be fully prepared for a first birth and the experience of looking after your first newborn while trying to recover from birth. I suspect that those who have the best experiences have a combination of a not too difficult postpartum bodily state, a not overly needy baby, and the right sort of support.

One thing struck me as avoidable and that was the way the wife and husband went into birth lacking some education that would have helped with some of the issues. I was a little shocked at how the husband did not seem to realize that his wife's body had just been through a trauma and that she needed some help if the baby was difficult to settle at night. And he seemed not to acknowledge her efforts giving birth to their child. Where had he been during the birth? Oblivious completely to what was happening? Even if he was behind a curtain, he would have known that it wasn't exactly easy.

For the second birth, the principle of being better prepared and knowing how to care for herself was great, but the way she described asking for pain relief immediately seemed like she might be assuming that her second birth would be just as long and intense as her first, when it might not have been. I wondered if she had any clue about what good labor support is and how to get it.
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greentiger









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 2:12 pm       Post subject:
Loved it! It was written so well that anyone could relate. I also thought the disclaimer was silly.. I just think its such a big step to admit that motherhood is not always a pretty and rosy transition. I can also hear how families get so caught up in the excitement that the new mother is kind of overlooked. If anyone knows where I can find it online or wouldnt mind scanning it id appreciate it.
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freshie









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 2:53 pm       Post subject: Re: re: Mishpacha magazine article
Mama Bear wrote:
I was 1. annoyed at the husband and his attitude. It's his child too, and he needs a reality check that his nights of sleeping through are over, and he has to lend a hand. the mother should've been more vocal!! 2. surprised why none of the family pitched in at all, wasn't she at her parents' home for a reason? 3. happy with the ending and that she took proactive steps: epidural, kimpeturin home, cleaning help. there's no reason to suffer when you can help yourself!

I had a similar recuperation with my first child, the baby would cry for HOURS at night, and since I was pumping, that meant that once the baby was asleep I had to sit and pump. I slept for literally 2 hours a night. My husband was sleeping at home because my parents' guest room was too small for all 3 of us. It was absolute torture. I had to stop pumping because I just could not handle it anymore and my supply had dwindled to nothing from the stress. Once I got home, things improved a lot! And I learned that the baby needed to sleep upright or on his side, he did not like sleeping on his back!

I liked the article despite its darkness.


I was wondering the same thing. Why an earth was she forced to move in if no one was helping? She would have done much better at home. And her husband should have been more informed I am not blaming him he was oblivious on what she was going through I am more blaming his surroundings why was she pushed to the back seat? she just gave birth!!
_________________
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment
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crush









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 3:06 pm       Post subject: re: Mishpacha magazine article
Well. I would give my answer, but I can't be anon here Smile
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PIP









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 5:29 pm       Post subject:
Way too graphic in the beginning. I would NOT want my child to come across reading that. I don't mind the concept of ppd being brought up though, but the beginning was just TMI. Way TMI.
I agree with suomynona, sounded more like she had a hard time adjusting more than ppd.
and I was going to slap the husband. "Take care of the baby, I need to get up for davening tomorrow." Learn your laws bro. If your wife needs help, YOU HELP HER!!!!!!
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Mama Bear









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 10:04 pm       Post subject:
Yes the delivery was too graphic.
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http://www.autism-parenting.com
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suomynona









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 22 2010, 11:43 pm       Post subject:
PrettyInPink wrote:
Way too graphic in the beginning. I would NOT want my child to come across reading that. I don't mind the concept of ppd being brought up though, but the beginning was just TMI. Way TMI.
I agree with suomynona, sounded more like she had a hard time adjusting more than ppd.
and I was going to slap the husband. "Take care of the baby, I need to get up for davening tomorrow." Learn your laws bro. If your wife needs help, YOU HELP HER!!!!!!

I hate when people use that complaint. Family first is a magazine for adults. If you don't want anything in there that you wouldn't want your child reading, then all reading material you bring into your house would have to be on an elementary school level.
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freshie









  
Post Posted: Tue, Nov 23 2010, 3:18 am       Post subject:
suomynona wrote:
PrettyInPink wrote:
Way too graphic in the beginning. I would NOT want my child to come across reading that. I don't mind the concept of ppd being brought up though, but the beginning was just TMI. Way TMI.
I agree with suomynona, sounded more like she had a hard time adjusting more than ppd.
and I was going to slap the husband. "Take care of the baby, I need to get up for davening tomorrow." Learn your laws bro. If your wife needs help, YOU HELP HER!!!!!!

I hate when people use that complaint. Family first is a magazine for adults. If you don't want anything in there that you wouldn't want your child reading, then all reading material you bring into your house would have to be on an elementary school level.


I think she was referring to the child of the author. I agree and I hope it was a pen name at least so this child wouldn't be brought to the public eye.
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smilethere









  
Post Posted: Tue, Nov 23 2010, 4:38 am       Post subject: re: Mishpacha magazine article
I found it very reassuring that I wasn't the only one out there who just wanted them to take the baby away when that awful pregnancy and labour was finally over.

Very well written, and I think it is time that people realise that if a woman is confused and traumatised it does not mean that she doesn't love her child or want more children. Very few women just feel an overwhelming love the moment their baby is put into their arms (especially with a first).
_________________
Unfortunately, my daydreams about being skinny are always being interrrupted by the sound of my own chewing.
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energy11









  
Post Posted: Tue, Nov 23 2010, 5:10 am       Post subject: re: Mishpacha magazine article
I think t was a bit "raw" and depressing.
I never felt like that. I always went straight home after giving birth.
The solution was nice, but cost $$$.

I agree with mamabear, the husband was detached: "you can sleep tomorrow" right! That really helps when you're exhausted!! Twisted Evil
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Company









  
Post Posted: Tue, Nov 23 2010, 5:16 am       Post subject:
I thought it was a brilliant article!
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Candees









  
Post Posted: Tue, Nov 23 2010, 6:45 am       Post subject: re: Mishpacha magazine article
It really didnt sound like postpartum depression, under the circumstances it was really understandable. If my husband had an attitude like hers did I would have been quite miserable, especially if the baby was as difficult as hers was. Sound more like a colicky baby than ppd.
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ILOVELIFE









  
Post Posted: Mon, Nov 29 2010, 6:12 pm       Post subject: re: Mishpacha magazine article
I was waiting for this topic to be addressed and by the disclaimer, I thought it would finally be comprehensive. But I think ppl were (understandably) afraid of saying it like it is and therefore it didn't really drive home what I felt were some very important messages. Also, her husband being so out of touch with reality was a reality to some but it became such a large part of the plot that it overshadowed the fact that she couldn't bond with her baby.

Oh and the labor details were gory.
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suomynona









  
Post Posted: Tue, Nov 30 2010, 12:11 am       Post subject: Re: re: Mishpacha magazine article
ILOVELIFE wrote:
I was waiting for this topic to be addressed and by the disclaimer, I thought it would finally be comprehensive. But I think ppl were (understandably) afraid of saying it like it is and therefore it didn't really drive home what I felt were some very important messages. Also, her husband being so out of touch with reality was a reality to some but it became such a large part of the plot that it overshadowed the fact that she couldn't bond with her baby.

Oh and the labor details were gory.


What do you mean it wasn't comrehensive?
There was a mishpacha article a long time ago about people who don't love their babies right away. I was expecting my first, so it must've been 5 1/2 years ago. After I gave birth, I tried finding it again, but I couldn't.
This one was a real article with interviews, rather than a personal account.
So I don't think they're afraid of talking about it.
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greentiger









  
Post Posted: Tue, Nov 30 2010, 10:03 am       Post subject:
gory?? There was mention of a push, and she called the baby a slithery creature, then she described him with the word bloody. And here I was impressed how she caught the spirit of the birth with so little details shared. Considering what we are discussing, I would hardly call that description gory.

As to the husband, yes he was clueless, but lets all be honest with ourselves for a minute here, and admit he's not alone. Parenthood is just as new an experience to the father as it is to the mother, and I think the guy deserves a break. They both obviously made mistakes, but thats the point of the article. Not that he's the bad guy, but they were both equally unprepared.
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