Sister-in-law asking for gift receipt for Chanukah gift

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Chanukah

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Chayalle

Tue, Dec 15 2009, 7:59 am

ChSh - I guess the issue is, if you get a gift for a child, does the parent have the right to exchange it for something for themself?

I think not. If I buy my niece a gift, it's because I want to build a relationship with her (there are other ways too of course but this is part of it.) I would hate for her mother to take that away from me.

ChutzPAh

Tue, Dec 15 2009, 9:14 am

It is soooo wrong of her to ask for a gift receipt. She's implying that she has in mind to return the stuff you spent time buying.

When giving gifts (not in this case where she is ASKING for the receipt) it is nice to include a gift receipt if you can, but if I got a great deal on something expensive, you bet I'm not going to give one.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Dec 16 2009, 1:39 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Oh, I hear that. I wasn't thinking of it from that angle (I guess my kids are too young LOL

)

Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 13 2019, 2:54 am; edited 1 time in total

manhattanmom

Wed, Dec 16 2009, 1:59 pm

If she seems to be unhappy with what you're giving her and you're calling what she gives your kids "junk" then why don't you decide together to not give each other's kids gifts?

ChutzPAh

Wed, Dec 16 2009, 5:08 pm

manhattanmom wrote:

If she seems to be unhappy with what you're giving her and you're calling what she gives your kids "junk" then why don't you decide together to not give each other's kids gifts?

Smart woman. Keep this in mind for next year!

happy_tobeme

Wed, Dec 16 2009, 5:15 pm

manhattanmom wrote:

If she seems to be unhappy with what you're giving her and you're calling what she gives your kids "junk" then why don't you decide together to not give each other's kids gifts?

Actually we tried stopping this a few years ago, but she voiced her extreme displeasure over stopping our "gift exhange" (return on her part) so I didnt want to bring it up again. But at this point, I think that it would be best. It's sort of a ridiculous problem.

MommyLuv

Wed, Dec 16 2009, 5:44 pm

It does sound like a ridiculous and uncomftable problem.

Maybe you can agree to exchange homemade (by the kids) gifts next year..There are tons of creative and sweet ideas out there that cost very little to make.

shmoozer

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 7:24 am

ChSh wrote:

happy_tobeme wrote:

I have it on good authority she returns the gifs and gets stuff for herself or for other people so she will not have to spend money.

A gift is something you give to someone, and they do what they want with it - use it, give it away, let it collect dust, even sell it - whatever, you're giving it to them for them not for you.
Now, as a recipient, you (or she or they) have the opportunity to give, too... that is to accept the gift graciously, and to give the giver nachas by showing them you appreciate / use their gift, when possible.

So, yes, I think it's nice to include a gift receipt - it shows you are giving them the gift for them to use (or not use) as they desire. But not mandatory - like if it was on sale or whatever.
And, no, I don't think receivers should ask for one.
You're both right. (And wrong.)

PS: maybe she can't afford to keep the gift, and needs to return it for something to give away. Maybe she doesn't have space for that new toy, and would rather have the credit at toys r us for when that old favourite breaks and they need to replace it. that's what it sounds like from the quote above.

agree!

betach

Thu, Dec 02 2010, 9:36 pm

uum.
why are any of us giving gifts hannukah time?
which halacha includes this? is halacha inclusive of this notion?
seems to be from foreign pastures no?
why have we invited this headache upon ourselves? so many of the culture where this originated from curse the gift season..

okay.. waiting for lots of noise.

a lichtigen to all- btov hanir'eh v'hanigleh only, for all always!

HindaRochel

Thu, Dec 02 2010, 9:53 pm

Don't give her a gift. Or give directly if you see the children, a bit of Chanukah gelt for each child.

No you don't have to give a receipt.

Fontancar

Mon, Dec 06 2010, 12:35 pm

number one why dont you be her "Don Lkaf Zechus" maybe she can use the credit for things she needs more important and she doesnt want to tell you, bec. she doesnt wont you to find out she is struggling. Or she doesnt want to tell you a more expensive thing so she takes back the thing, adds money and gets something the kids whould really enjoy. I think you should have an open heart to heart talk and tell her that it bothers you when she askes for it. That you go out of your way to please her and she makes you feel that she doesnt like what you got or not the right thing.

No cakes

Mon, Dec 06 2010, 1:33 pm

happy tobeme maybe its her kid thats not happy!!!
Give it to her why not make her happy!!
Isnt that what you want??

Raisin

Mon, Dec 06 2010, 2:09 pm

betach wrote:

I agree...chanuka gelt is sooo much easier. And then kids can choose what they really want!

littles

Mon, Dec 06 2010, 2:29 pm

I would never ask for a gift receipt, though I do appreciate getting them. I hesitate, sometimes, to give one if I got something that's really discounted.

Can you straight out ask her why she needs a receipt if these gifts were what she asked for? Did something happen to change someone's mind about a gift? Just tell her you're curious, because you were trying to please everyone and are confused as to what happened? It'll help you know how to proceed for next year, because you spent time tracking down exactly what she said she wanted. Maybe this is a good time to bring up the idea of buying gift cards or giving gelt instead of the gifts. I'd go on to explain that if you are going to go out of your way to purchase presents that she requests, but then decides to return, it's not fair for your time and family, and giving money/gift card would be much easier for you. I think you have a right to be curious. Also, do you live near enough to have your kids open gifts in front of each other? She'd probably be less likely to return them if her kids were already attached to them.

BTW, does she give you a gift receipt? Just wondering b/c you said she gives your kids junk, so I'm wondering why you don't return it for something they'll like better/you think is decent?

Also, do you have an agreement how much you'll both spend? Maybe if you both stick to the same approximate budget, you won't care if she's returning the items.

I would be annoyed if she wasn't using the gift or the credit for something for her kids, beacuse as a previous poster said, it's about the relationship you and your DH have with your nieces and nephews. It's wrong to take something away from them that came from you.

chaylizi

Mon, Dec 06 2010, 2:39 pm

Raisin wrote:

betach wrote:

I agree...chanuka gelt is sooo much easier. And then kids can choose what they really want!

Giving gelt just makes it that much easier to take for herself without her kids ever knowing about the present. Sometimes age appropriate gifts are better.

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