HELP!!! HORRIBLE TANTRUMS!!

SunLover

Wed, Dec 08 2010, 10:36 am

my 2 year old lately has hoooorrrriible temper tantrums whenever we need to leave a place such as; a party gym, or even my mother in laws house. she screams like no tomorrow as if we r hurting her and fights like crazy when we try to put on her coat or boots, sometimes ive had to take her outside without the coat on and its very cold outside! I dont know how to control this!!!! nothing I say or do helps and we are always in a place where its impossible to implement time out or even ignoring her, becuase we have to leave the place!

HELP! any advice is appreciated!

Chippies

Wed, Dec 08 2010, 10:44 pm

You may already be doing this, but all I can think of is to try talking to her before even going to the party gym or wherever and explain that you'll be there for only 2 hours and then it'll be time to leave. Then when you're there, keep giving her some sense of a time limit, "only 20 minutes left and then it's time to go home" and ask her questions such as, "what do we need to do before we go home.....that's right, put on your jacket!" and that sort of thing. Just keep repeating these things and before she has the chance to start her tantrum, talk about some sort of treat that you'll give her when you get back home, eg, "when we get home, you can play with your [favourite toy]!" Try to stay positive!

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Dec 09 2010, 10:19 am

I would build on what everyone else said, but for a two year old, a twenty minute warning means nothing. Find a consistent way to tell her that time is running out - maybe a two minute warning, and then a thirty second countdown (or a ten second countdown,if you think that would be better). Also, give yourself plenty of time for the transition whenever possible. If you need to leave by 2:00, start leaving at 1:50 or even a few minutes before. That way you'll be less stressed about the time.

Good luck! This is normal toddler behavior (at least I hope so, since my two year old does the same thing!)

Chippies

Thu, Dec 09 2010, 10:45 am

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

Just to clarify, I do agree that the "twenty minute" aspect of the warning means nothing, my idea, rather is to let the toddler know in advance that there is some sort of timeline and that he/she will not be there forever. I find this works very well with my 2 year old. Before we even go anywhere, I tell him that we'll only be there for a short period of time and then we'll go to such and such place. Or I use phrases such as, "FIRST we'll go [here] THEN we'll go [there] LATER" and he totally gets it. He for sure does not have any concept of what a minute is versus 20 minutes versus an hour, etc., but he does understand sequence of events, so as long as I explain the sequence before we start any activity, a tantrum is usually avoided.

SunLover

Sun, Dec 12 2010, 10:10 pm

thanks all for the advice... I started implementing the "reminders" that we r leaving the place soon"...BUT I wanted info on like what to do once she is in full blown tantrum mode, refusing to put on her coat and boots and I am out somewhere I cant put her in time out or yell on top of my lungs. what do I do then?!?!?!

4cutekids

Sun, Dec 12 2010, 10:39 pm

The best advice I heard about full blown tantrum mode is distraction--- You know what she's going to fight over, so before she does, you are the mommy, you can pick up a 2 year old and throw them in the air and kiss their belly and say "who's me cute cuddly bunny!" and slip on the clothes while she's giggling. I use that for strapping kids into carseats when they really didn't want to.

OR do something ridiculous, start putting your boots on her and her boots on your feet and she will see how silly that is, and you'll be able to distract her. I sometimes use a doll and I say, "Ok, this is the dolly's coat....La La La," and my kid will yell gleefully, "no! Meeee" Most kids want it the right way, they also love getting to tell you what to do.

Ema of 5

Sun, Dec 12 2010, 10:57 pm

ive never actually tried this out of the house, but people say it works. my psychology professor used to give the example of a kid throwing a tantrum at a store. not only is your kid screaming and you are totally not in contol, everyone is looking at you. she says that you can take the child out of the cart, place him/her on the floor, and walk around the corner of the aisle. obviously, dont just walk away- tell your child " mommy is going to keep shopping and when you are ready to stop crying you can come find me in the next aisle." I used to do this at home when my son would have tantrums- I would just leave him where he was, and tell him where to come find me when he was ready to stop crying. it worked in the house, so I cant imagine why it would not work out of the house too.

hatzlacha raba!