I hate my 6 year old son!

superjew

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 10:43 am

I'm not sure if this will help but when my ds (1yr) plays with his toys I sit on the couch or by the table on my laptop or phone. Sometimes he'll come over to me kvetching/whining for my cellphone. I always see this as a sign as he needs attention. I'm giving the phone attention, more then himself (ok, perhaps he just likes electronics LOL

) but its the way I see it. I put my phone down & bend down, give him a hug & a kiss & play a little with him. Once he gets busy again I'll return to what I was doing.
I believe its the same with your ds. He's just older & smarter in ways of getting to you. I practice this attitude since he's a baby & hope to have the strength to continue all the way through. We think that giving our love & attention when we feel is enough, but many times it isn't. Children will ask for it, one way or the other. Also, one mentiond keeping their minds busy. Its true. Many smart kids need entertainment & challange. Another pointer is something I read somewhere. Compliment them on something they do like 'wow you've worked so hard on that & its beautiful. Your work paid off' instead of ' your amazing' the difference is complimenting something they worked on as opposed to who they are. Its something they DID or controlled so they'll feel better about that...
(Hope I was clear)
Lots of hugs your way as we need as much strength as patience as ever to be parents.
Good Luck!

gryp

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 11:01 am

yy wrote:

I am heartened to read that a few posters mentioned the L word (love).

My first question for you, OP, was going to be: How often do you hug and kiss your son?

It's so hard when they are difficult. I know. I have a difficult son, too. Be ready for years ahead of extra everything - extra attention, extra attempts at whatever might help, extra investigating into what makes him tick and what throws him off center. Expect it and try very hard not to resent it. This is your child, this is your specific parenting challenge to deal with and to rise above.

But with all of the things to do and try, don't lose sight of the #1 most important tool in your arsenal, which is the humble hug, accompanied by lots and lots of words of love - in person, in writing (notes on his bed, notes in his lunchbox - pictures and smiles and hearts if he can't read yet), on the phone... whenever and however. Every day, many times a day.

If he's been difficult and you're still seething, remind yourself that you're the sweet, loving mom and your job is to say and do the sweet, loving thing. Say, "Sweetie, I'm sorry we've had a hard time. I'm glad it's calmer now. I love you so much and I want you to feel calm and happy." If he's in the middle of being out of control, you can try saying, "I love you but you are driving me cuckoo. Please stop yelling." Or something like that. He might not hear. It might be better to wait. But don't give him negative, resentful, angry messages (verbal or non-verbal) either. Be neutral, keep trying, wait it out, respect his space - whatever it takes to get through that episode.

Over time, your nonstop love and affection WILL make a huge difference. It might take years, with ups and downs along the way, but he will grow through these phases and come out a mensch in the end! And he will thank you for being such a wonderful mommy when he was not an easy kid to raise.

About ritalin - wait. He is six years old, with so much growing up to do. Medication has side effects. Try everything else. Spend a year doing intensive love therapy!!! You have nothing to lose! Sometimes we think our kids should know how much we love them because of all of the things we do for them, but they really take that stuff for granted. They need to feel the love with hugs and kisses and lots of "I love you."

And give your other children tons of love, too, of course!

I really understand what you are dealing with. I am years past where you are, though, so I can see the bigger picture. Hope this helps.

Yes.
My oldest is 7 and has always been the most demanding child. He has 4 other siblings and it hasn't been easy. About a year ago I started putting in that extra effort to give extra hugs, be extra affectionate, and it is such a difference. It didn't come naturally to me to be over-huggy because it's not my nature but I forced myself and I'm so glad I did because now it's easier for me to be more affectionate with all my kids.

These kids aren't demanding attention because they want to be a pain. They need the extra affection.

There may be something else bothering him though, and I suggest an evaluation to figure out what that might be.

Capitalchick

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 11:20 am

amother wrote:

Based on the info the OP gave it sounds like a typical child looking for attention. I find it disturbing that so many people are willing to drug a child for a 'behavioural problem' when all they need is a bit more attention. I have a friend who when she was little was diagnosed and treated with ritalin - she was a zombie for a few years just so her parents could have a quiet house....

1. Please tell me you're not advising this poor OP based on one of your friend's anecdotes.

2. Either your friend didn't have ADD, and shouldn't have been on the ritalin to begin with, or she did have ADD and was just on too high of a dose. Either way, you cannot vilify the ritalin.

There are millions of people on chemotherapy, are you going to tell someone "PLEASE don't go on chemo!! There are way too many people on it!"

I understand that ritalin is different than chemo, but since you don't actually know what the OP son's problem really is, advising her of how NOT to treat him, is as ridiculous as advising someone against chemo before they even know if they have cancer or not!

The only appropriate response to the OP is to support her as she seeks PROFESSIONAL help in diagnosing her son's issue, and helping her get him the treatment or counselling he needs. But to make a broad statement about a certain medication being bad, when you really have no clue as to what is really wrong with him (if anything) is just play silly!

OP, if your son has ADD, then ritalin might be exactly what he needs. You will not be a "bad" parent for putting him on it. On the contrary, you will be setting him up for a life of success! People who genuinely have ADD cannot function normally without the medication.

So, please everyone, ENOUGH with the villification of medication. It's not the medication that the problem, it's the over-prescribing that's the problem.

amother

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 11:47 am

Capitalchick wrote:

amother wrote:

It seems like the OP doesnt believe that her son need ritalin - it is the teacher's suggestion.
How can you compare ritalin to chemo?
AS I SAID BASED ON THE INFO THE OP GAVE IT SOUNDS LIKE THE CHILD NEEDS A LITTLE EXTRA LOVE AND ATTENTION. your orig. backlash at my orig. post was also out of context - I believe I said do not medicate you son just so people around can have peace and quiet.

Capitalchick

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 4:54 pm

amother wrote:

Capitalchick wrote:

amother wrote:

I would agree that to medicate a perfectly healthy child so that adults around him could have peace and quiet would be very wrong.

The thing is this: You can make recommendations based on the OPs original post, but as none of us are trained medical/mental health professionals, we don't even know whether OPs points are relevant in determining what is going on with her son. In fact, the OP might not even know whether the issues she's highlighting are relevant in helping to make a proper diagnosis or determination of his problems.

For instance, did you know that questions such as "Does your child crave an above average amount of animal protein?" and "Does your child refuse to wear blue jeans because he/she doesn't like the feel of them?" are actually very indicative of whether a child might be suffering from ADD? The OP would NEVER know to highlight such details in her original post, as most non-doctors would never know they were relevant!

All I'm saying is that no one should advise a parent on such key decisions about how to treat a troubled kid, based on a 1/2 page (totally understandable) imamother vent. Certainly don't tell her to medicate her child or NOT medicate her child, when you have no idea what's really going on - even if the OP told you a bit about her day to day life with him.