Going to secular college--advice please!

amother

Tue, Mar 22 2011, 7:54 pm

As someone who has BTDT, please let me add my two cents...

1. You will be in an almost all female environment, dont worry about the one or two males in your class.

2. Since you are going into a field that is already flooded with frum women, you will in all probability have a few frum females in your class. Even if your program is not in a frum area, if its even an hour away from a frum community, you will have other frum people in the class. you're going into speech after all, the professors are used to frum women in their classes, especially if you go to graduate school in this. they all know how the frum ones look, skirts and all and the whole deal with YT and shabbos. 1/3 or 1/4 of your class may be frum if you are in NY/NJ.

3. You did not ask about this but: if you end up working in a school, you will end up brining work home. Speech therapists in schools are almost like teachers. You teach small groups and have to prepare a lesson in language, grammar, phonology, etc. This demands creativity and ideas. Its not like OT or PT where you are doing physical exercises. Its almost like a regular classroom where you need to make worksheets and lessons. Just something ot think about since you mentioned you have children at home.

morah

Tue, Mar 22 2011, 8:19 pm

Sorry I'm posting so much, but I thought of another point- kids. I can't give you that much advice as I am only pregnant with my first (though I do have 2 more years of school ahead of me...), but I can tell you that since you're talking about a graduate program, there will almost certainly be other students in your class who have children, and they won't necessarily be Jewish or frum. Graduate students are sometimes older and retraining for a second career or entering the workforce after time at home, so there are many parents. There are 3 students in my class who are parents, none of them Jewish. Granted, they're all significantly older than me, but they have been really nice and supportive throughout my pregnancy, giving me tips for how to cope when the baby comes, talking openly about their challenges etc. They too sometimes have to ask for accommodations- like needing to leave early to relieve the babysitter, miss a class when a child is sick, or even bring the kid in because childcare plans fell through at the last minute. If you make friends with the people in your class, you will find out who has children and you can reach out to them- makes for a great support network.

amother

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 9:46 am

Thanks for your advice!

That's a great idea about finding out who has kids, and befriending them. I hope there are a few in my classes!

Since I live OOT, I don't think there will be tons of frum people in the program. I know one lady who did the program about five years ago, and a girl who's working on her prereqs. So it's true that hopefully the concept of Shabbos and YT won't be completely unheard of...but unfortunately it's not like it is in NY/NJ. (Which I suppose is good, because the field isn't flooded here.)

Thanks for the heads-up about working in schools; I really am hoping not to end up doing that. Aside from having to do lesson plans at home, I think it's less than ideal with all the red tape and the limited time you have with the kids. All the frum speech therapists I know (in NY/NJ) do either early intervention home visits, or work in the schools, but I'm not so interested in that. I'm really hoping to do pediatric feeding therapy. We'll see what jobs are available when I graduate, iy"H.

I don't know if anyone's still reading this thread, but if anyone is (and they're an SLP), I'd be interested in hearing what area of speech therapy you chose to go into, and why. Are you happy with your choice? Thanks! :-)

JAWSCIENCE

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 3:53 pm

amother wrote:

How friendly were you with the other students? How did you handle working with male partners? Did you attend classes on Chol Hamoed? Did you find that not socializing with your classmates outside of class had a negative impact? How did you make time to study?

<I was just as friendly with frum and non frum students. It is important to be polite and nice to everyone plus many will help you out with learning the material, sharing notes etc.

I was equally friendly with male and female students. Most male students are not gong to try and touch or hug you. Contrary to the belief of many young frum girls and their seminary teachers most male students are not even remotely romantically interested in you. Especially as you are a married lady. Even if there are no other frum Jewish girls there are bound to be some muslim ones and they too are not into touching men. People will understand your religious needs and generally respect them.

I did attend class on chol hamoed, and I frankly do not see why anyone would need to be excused. Many of the subjects I was learning were considered pikuach nefesh and allowed to be studied on regular yom tov. Other subjects are not so life and death but I still think most rabonim would tell you to go to class. There are levels of religious accommodation that are reasonable to expect and there are levels that are not - your professor does not have to bend over backwards for you to be lifnim mishurat hadin. Especially when you are all ready missing a lot of class for the chag. Many classes are group project and participation based. Asking to miss also chol hamoed is not fair to your fellows students. Your friends and family really should not look down on you for this. It is extremely common. I do not know anyone who asked to be excused from class for chol hamoed.

Socializing with classmates outside of class has the positive effect of letting them see that frum people are normal. It helps you grasp the material to discuss it with others, gives you people to practice presentations with and it helps you network for future job prep etc. Plus it prepares you for your job in the real world where not every customer and client is frum. It helps you set up your system of behavior in a less critical environment. Having your job be the first place you really interact with non frum people is a recipe for disaster. It is OK if you screw up a little and make a social goof in college. It is not so OK when you majorly tick off half your office, or insult a major client by accident.

You make time to study just like you make time for everything else in life. You need to think about what is important to you - it might very well be that you only need to pass so a B is just as good as an A for your profession. In others having that A will really help you. It is all relative. You may have to stay up a little after the kids are in bed or cut down on the fanciness of supper etc. to make time for other things. You may need to ask DH and the kids to help with housework and chores. You may need to dump the kids by grandma before a big final to get some quiet time. Everyone has their little ways of making time. You need to find what works for you.

Always be very prompt to alert professors about holidays and schedule conflicts. If you show up the week before succot and explain the midterm is scheduled on simchat torah then of course he is going to think you are making up fake holidays and asking for ridiculous accommodations. After all, he handed the midterm date on the first week of class and you should have known right then and there about the conflict so why are you showing up now two months later? If it was a really important holiday you would have come right away.... They have to accommodate your religious observance but not if you are egregious and dont inform them promptly.

Good Luck! College is a lot of fun.

Thu, Mar 24 2011, 8:39 pm

JAWSCIENCE wrote:

Always be very prompt to alert professors about holidays and schedule conflicts. If you show up the week before succot and explain the midterm is scheduled on simchat torah then of course he is going to think you are making up fake holidays and asking for ridiculous accommodations. After all, he handed the midterm date on the first week of class and you should have known right then and there about the conflict so why are you showing up now two months later? If it was a really important holiday you would have come right away....

Yes, this! Your instructors most likely will give out a schedule for the semester at the first class. Look at your calendar that very day and identify classes, assignments and exams that will need to be rescheduled, and respectfully make your request immediately. This kind of advance planning will serve you well throughout your professional career.

Many Jewish holidays are not well known even among Jews, and may not appear on the official university calendar. Be prepared to say something like, "I observe all the Jewish holidays in the traditional manner, including some which are not as well known. Here is a list for your reference."

Yeshiva day-school grads at my university often thought their college teachers were anti-semitic because they got flustered when approached about such holidays. My take, as someone who came from a very small minority Jewish community and went to public schools - they just didn't know! Never assume that anyone knows anything about your lifestyle. Be unfailingly polite and respectful when you educate people about your needs.

About your original questions - dress according to your values. Don't freak out about male classmates; unless they are extremely young, exceptionally immature and completely tasteless, no one is going to make a move on you. Go to class on chol hamoed. On a related note - Don't expect to go home early on Friday to "make Shabbos;" you can cook ahead of time like many other working/studying women do. Socializing? I doubt you would be going to any kind of keg party...if your classmates get together for studying between classes, for example, try to make room for it. It's a good way to build community and connections.

Hope that helps!