My 10.5 yr old dd's chest ain't flat anymore...

amother

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 7:16 am

My 10.5 yr old dd is beginning to develop little buds, when do I need to start considering "the talk", I feel she is still so young.

yo'ma

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 7:19 am

I started when my dd started complaining her chest was hurting her and knew that she was starting to develop. That's when my sil told me to tell her. In my dd's school they have a woman, a rebbetzin talk to the girls when they're in 5th, 6th, and 7th grade.

amother

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 7:20 am

Maybe it's just fat?
In any case there are years from beginning of breast development to period. Smile

amother

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 7:21 am

yo'ma wrote:

she is only in 4th grade now.

In the kitchen

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 7:31 am

amother wrote:

Maybe it's just fat?
In any case there are years from beginning of breast development to period. Smile

Not always. I was 9 years old when I got my period, I wish someone would have talked to me before that. We got the talk the following year in school... Rolling Eyes

Talk to your daughter now.

checkbefore

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 7:56 am

I wore a training bra in 5th grade and got my period in 6th. My mother gave me that book The Wonders of Being You, or whatever it's called, sometime in 4th grade summer.

amother

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 10:42 am

Gilrs are developing much younger nowadays. DH is a pediatrician and he says seeing kids as young as 8 who have their periods is not uncommon. Imagine an 8 year old who goes to the bathroom only to find out she's bleeding from "down there"

They may seem emotionally young, but physically, the talk has to happen by 8 nowadays...

Liba

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 10:52 am

11 for a first menses is very very normal, as is 10.5. She may not get her first menses for a bit, but it isn't too early for "the talk." It is better a bit sooner than waiting until it is too late.

amother

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 12:38 pm

I think you should talk to your DD. If she's starting to develop a little that means that other things will follow, and you don't want her to be shocked or scared when she first gets her period b/c you haven't talked to her first. By the way my DD is 11 and she started developing around 10, 10 1/2, and I spoke to her. It's normal.

Raizle

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 2:35 pm

Talk to her now.
I believe when they start to bud it's time. And aside from that like everyone else said, kids are developing earlier nowadays, if she doesn't learn about it from you she might pick it up from someone else in school in a way in which you might not want her to hear it.
Kids in 4th grade are starting to get their periods already.

amother

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 4:55 pm

Thanks for all replies. Her "budding" only started the last month, and I will make an appt with her ped, who is a mother of teen girls herself, to ask her.

amother

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 6:07 pm

My mother had 'the talk" with me after I had already gotten my period. I remember well my feeling of fear and mortification at seeing blood down there. I began crying and was sure Hashem was punishing me for something! I decided to take upon myself to say asher yaatzar with more kavanah so that it shouldn't happen again(luckily it did lol)! My mother was very closed about these things and I therefore didn't feel comfortable telling her, especially since I thought I was being punished.
And when she did finally tell me, it was said in a very furtive and hushed manner, as something to be embarrassed of. Please do Your daughter a favor and let her be introduced to her womanhood with a sense of pride!!

amother

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 8:02 pm

even if your dd won't get her period for another few years, please make sure to keep an eye out for when she needs a bra. I don't know if my mother was too closed, or if she thought I was too young, or if she simply did not notice that I was developing, but I remember the shame of having to ASK my mother for a bra and how uncomfortable I felt in school until I got one. I would have to hunch my shoulders so that my shirt would hang away from my body to make my breasts less noticeable.

amother

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 8:03 pm

My daughter is 10 and in the 4th grade and we just recently had the talk. It went fine. She was interested and a little apprehensive, but OK with it. I also got her the book the Wonder of Becoming You. It is perfect for that age. Good luck, it's not that bad.

Raizle

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 9:35 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for all replies. Her "budding" only started the last month, and I will make an appt with her ped, who is a mother of teen girls herself, to ask her.

Whatever for?
what are you going to ask her? if your daughter is getting her period within the next ___time frame?
she can't answer that any better then the rest of us. I don't see how a ped can help you any more then the advice you were given here but suit yourself.

amother

Thu, Apr 14 2011, 7:28 am

Raizle wrote:

amother wrote:

Thanks for all replies. Her "budding" only started the last month, and I will make an appt with her ped, who is a mother of teen girls herself, to ask her.

I discuss dd's developments with her all the time, and she always reassures me when to do the "talking". If there's another year to go, I'd rather wait. If there's no telling, I'll tell her now. But I want to hear from peddy first.

Chayalle

Thu, Apr 14 2011, 8:22 am

amother wrote:

Raizle wrote:

amother wrote:

Thanks for all replies. Her "budding" only started the last month, and I will make an appt with her ped, who is a mother of teen girls herself, to ask her.

Your DD is 10 1/2 and you would rather wait? Why would you take the chance that a girl in her class might get her period and she freaks out? What if that girl were your DD?

This happened in my DD's 5th grade class - yep right here in Lakewood. A girl got her period and some girls hit the roof. The other girls snickered at the girls who didn't know. I can only imagine how the poor girl herself felt. Someone called the teacher and she took her to the nurse, etc.... It brought back memories of my 6th grade class...with a girl who had blood running down her dress at recess time. An 8th grader took her to the bathroom, and we didn't see her till the next day....

My DD is in 4th grade and will be 10 this June. I just recently had the "talk" with her, over icecream cones. It went very well, and she asked some interesting questions I never would have thought of. I answered to the best of my ability, and said I will get her the book (mentioned above) as soon as I get a chance (don't know where it disappeared to since my older DD read it).

A very prominent Mechaneches in Lakewood recommends talking to your DD, by her 10th birthday AT THE LATEST. So go for icecream, and bond with your DD over the special talk all mothers and daughters should have together.

Edited to add: My DD is flat as a pancake, and I didn't get my period till I was 13 1/2, and my 12 year old DD hasn't developed yet at all....and I still felt it necessary for my DD to hear it, from me, NOW. I'm glad I did. B"EH you will be too.

Ruchel

Thu, Apr 14 2011, 9:27 am

At 12 I had the average bra size of the population here shock

still didn't have period before almost 14.