The new serial by Riva Pomerantz in Mishpacha

seeker

Sun, Aug 28 2011, 8:11 pm

I am liking the style a lot. I see it says "Part 3 of 5" but seems like there will be a different case after this one in the same style?

But while I do realize this may be reality for some people, I think it would be more interesting if the focus were on something more people can relate to. This case is very extreme, but there are many many more people who could identify, or know people who could identify with a milder example. It could help increase mutual understanding of different people's personalities and challenges from all different points of view, rather than marginalize what is really not such an uncommon condition.

(grandmama, I'm imagining they close up their home, sell the chometz for pesach, and move in with parents?)

PinkFridge

Mon, Aug 29 2011, 8:56 am

seeker wrote:

I think that the idea is to look beyond the exaggeration and
a) be introduced to adult ADD/ADHD, especially if not addressed till then
b) see different reactions, including the positive MIL reaction, which is extremely educational.

spinkles

Sun, Sep 04 2011, 11:19 am

The husband just seems ridiculous. "Of course, that clean laundry is now sitting on the dirty floor of our bedroom (grrr...), with no hint of being put away. So what am I supposed to do? Put it away myself?"

OH, CHAS V'SHALOM THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER!!!! At wits end

seeker

Sun, Sep 04 2011, 11:27 am

chana_f wrote:

That. Grrrr yourself. I myself have a touch of ADHD and while I'm more able to hold it together than "Shulamis," I know perfectly well that I wouldn't be able to do it without DH. B"H he is a prince of a guy who appreciates what I DO do and my efforts to do more/better, and contributes his part without begrudging. I had to train him in a little bit but now he knows very well that it isn't my "job" to do every bit of housekeeping and if he sees the sink getting full or the laundry piling up, he just rolls up his sleeves and takes care of it. Goodness knows I do enough taking care of us even if I do miss some details and let things get a little too dusty before dealing with them...

seeker

Sun, Sep 04 2011, 11:40 am

PinkFridge wrote:

seeker wrote:

But why do we have to look past such extreme exaggeration in order to be introduced to a condition that is in fact quite common and usually more subtle? I think most people with undiagnosed ADHD don't walk around looking spaced out, have totally dysfunctional homes, look dirty, etc. IMHO People reading this story are not likely to enhance their understanding of this majority.

Mama Bear

Sun, Sep 04 2011, 4:33 pm

I haven't had internet access since the serial,began and boy do I have a lot to say. I think the story is highly exxagerated; many adult women with adhd have messy homes but not this disastrous. I am also appalled at the husband's lack of compassion and cooperation. Thirdly, many women with adhd dont need a homemaking coach (I have never even heatd of it!) meds like adderall and weekly therapy often works great. I feel the serial paints all grownups woth adhd as impossible slobs with social issues. it's very well written though.

life'sgreat

Sun, Sep 04 2011, 5:05 pm

In my teen years, I had a neighbor whose home looked like this. It was gross, disgusting, unsanitary and every other word in the book. The father worked crazy hours to earn enough to feed his kids (more than 10!!) and the house went from bad to worse. It was so disgusting that I gagged every time I'd knock on their door.

sarahd

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 4:02 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

...if the woman knows she has ADHD, which Shulamis did not.

AlwaysGrateful

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 4:16 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

If I had ten kids, my home would be like that too.

(I'm not saying I never hope to have a large family, or even ten kids if that's what I can handle. But I wouldn't be surprised if I could NOT handle that many, and if I would be unable to keep even the mold off my dishes with so many responsibilities.)

Just had to mention that.

At the same time, yes, I have a good friend who grew up in this type of home. Not sure if it was this, or hoarding, or both, but it was absolutely incredible in terms of the amount of mess in there. As in, you had to step between piles of stuff to get anywhere, there were piles of dirty and clean laundry all over the place, and I cant imagine any of it was actually clean under all that junk.

So yes, it happens. And it gave me insight into my friend's mother, reading this serial.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 4:27 pm

I was just speaking to a therapist about this serial. She said she has certainly worked with some women whose lives are very similar to that of Shulamis's. Sure, it doesn't accurately portray the average woman with ADHD, but why does that have to be the goal? Riva is writing about something else. She isn't necessarily just trying to raise awareness about adult ADHD in general.

As for compassion and cooperation from the husband- I really don't know that I would be as compassionate as he has managed to remain for so long. Sorry, that is asking a LOT from someone. Many spouses would be out the door by this point.

Ronit

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 7:02 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

Exactly my complaint. That the whole picture isn't realistic. Supposedly the husband is patient & a clean person, yet this is going on for years! Why isn't he either out of there, or picking up the tabs & cleaning on his own or hiring a cleaning lady before it got out of hand. The mom seems appalled, yet she never did anything about it. Week 1 of 5 was really off. Since then the story is coming together. The first week was a bad start though.