14 y.o. ds wants to watch pg-13 movies

chani8

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 4:50 am

It gets really difficult to screen these movies, Ruchel, because they are watching online and there are not always ratings but you are right, there are usually short descriptions, but they don't always help. For example, I wanted to show my kids some holocaust movies that should have been ok, and in the one, it was a great movie except the man exclaimed in the movie how he wanted to make love to his wife many times, and on another, there were somehow inappropriate 'relational' scenes and yet this was a movie that was non-rated for TV. I guess since I haven't seen TV in nearly 20 years, I don't know what is considered TV appropriate anymore.

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 4:56 am

chani8 wrote:

Take the movie title and look for it on IMDB. If it's not rated or not detailed, skip it. If you don't find another movie, see it before them.

chani8

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 5:37 am

Thanks Ruchel. I will use that for my younger teens. However, do you think I should be hovering over my 16 ds and 18 dd? By now, shouldn't they be making some decisions by themselves? In truth, I actaully do watch on them, but feel bad about it. They are so big. Do you have kids that old?

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 5:39 am

I'm 27, look on the left Wink

About your 16 and especially your 18 year old, I think it should be more about discussing what we don't watch and why (most important!) than just hovering. Though I think it is normal to kinda check, my parents definitely did (and they were very modern).

hadasa

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 5:40 am

It seems to me that unfortunately, at this stage, to just totally forbid the movies will only backfire. Otoh, first of all, he has to know that screaming won't get him anywhere. Tell him you are willing to discuss the issue calmly. Explain to him why you think these movies are not appropriate and try to engage him in finding a solution that is palatable to both of you, whether it is letting you screen what he watches or something else.
An important factor in this issue is what do you and your husband watch? If you don't watch these movies, you will have an easier time explaining that it's not about age but about Hashkafah and appropriateness. If you do watch them, that's a bigger problem, because he probably considers himself grown-up enough not to be considered a child.

chani8

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 6:42 am

LOL, Thanks Ruchel! I just updated my profile now, so maybe I'll remember to actually look to the left.

To agree with Hadasa, there shouldn't be any bullying or tantruming allowed surrounding the movies or any computer. But I get it too, from my younger boy. He is addicted to computer, mostly because, having been charedi, every other thing was ussered, and the (10yr old and up)boys seen outside were considered problematic (perhaps rightly so), so the choice was to keep the boys in and park them in front of the computer, or be seen as a bad family. I chose the computer, and on those few times I let my younger boy out to play in the common area, he got attention from a pedophile. So the evils of the computer win over the evils in the real world. At least I feel like I have more control over what kind of evil.

I think the next topic is how to set limits on computer, for the whole family. But what else is there to do anyway? Computer is so easy, not messy, completely entertaining. But I do love Shobbos when I don't have that computer in my face. We read and eat and sleep...all things that get seconded by the computer during the week.

Sorry for the ramble. I guess I am starved for adult human connection, since all we do here is computer. Seen any good movies lately? LOL

Chani8