I feel so cruel! | Imamother

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 9:07 am

lamplighter wrote:

I should go in and reassure her even if it upsets her and overstimulates her? She does not calm down when I come to check up on her or talk to her.

Read your baby's signals. She doesn't want to be interrupted when she's trying to fall asleep. Some babies make a lot of noise as they are drifting off, others don't (or go through phases when they do/don't).

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 9:47 am

One of my sons did this. I felt horrible. You always feel guilty -- maybe if I had done something else a month ago, she wouldn't be like this? Maybe I'm just doing this because I can't "deal" with calming my child? Maybe if I were a good mother, this wouldn't be happening?

People all gave well-meaning advice. Things like "Just nurse him to sleep!" Well, duh, I didn't think of that. Nursing didn't put hiim to sleep anymore at that point. Car rides didn't put him to sleep.

The one thing I might try is moving around her schedule for a couple of days. I know you say that she's not overtired...maybe you're putting her in a bit too early?

As for the future -- my son grew out of it. I don't remember how long it took, but I would guess that at a year he was going to sleep without crying (for more than thirty seconds, I seem to remember that happening for a bit). But he started later -- probably at 7 months or so. So there's hope!

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 9:59 am

I use my velvet robe draped over my baby to put her to sleep as her blankets are too light to give her that weighted feel. It also smells like me which probably helps.
I pat her chest and rub her head and she usually goes to sleep nicely on my bed like that (on her back).

Most of my kids did better sleeping on their stomach -- I think it's sensory related as well. I even need to sleep on my stomach! Otherwise, I need my hands up and holding something, and I see my baby is also trying to reach somewhere to hold on (since she doesn't have a pillow). I sometimes let her grasp my hand or put a light receiving blanket next to her to hold on to just to fall asleep.

Not sure if any of these ideas will work for you as each baby is different, but maybe they will.

FWIW, my oldest moaned himself to sleep. It was his way of blocking out everything else and transitioning to shut down mode. It wasn't crying -- he wasn't asking for me to help, but sometimes babies do need to wind down their system.

yjlz

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 10:04 am

Lamplighter my baby was exactly the same at that age!!!! I felt terrible letting her cry but it was the only way... she grew out of it around 5/6 months. Now she will nurse to sleep at least - Most of the time!

I am also a first time Mom! Really try to keep in mind that babies change SO FAST. In a few weeks this phase will probably pass. If you aren't noticing a change in her waking behaviour then I think everything is fine no?

You are doing a GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!! I can tell you love your baby SO MUCH!!! Hashem is going to help you know what your baby needs. Trust yourself Smile

lamplighter

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 10:37 am

Just to make me sound like a decent mom -when she wakes up, she wakes up happy. She will coo and talk for quite a few minutes before I come to get her and feed her.

I'm really nervous because she is still sleeping in a swing or stroller (reflux) and I would like to transition her to a crib. If she can't do this, how will she do that?

I will try a semi swaddle (hands out) and holding her really tight again. It worked a month ago but it's not working now. I'll try again.

Also any advice of what to tell my DH? He does not like this system at all. He want to pick her up and the few times that he did, it never helped and I ended up having to put her to sleep again.

chocolate chips

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 11:12 am

She might possibly like the crib better. I know ds likes being swaddled and cuddled but he actually falls asleep better in his crib than other places.
Sometimes in his car seat but he loves his crib..I find it hard to go out at bed time because he wakes up after few minutes in his car seat or stroller.

yjlz

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 10:22 pm

Its true that many babies calm themselves by crying... but its a specific cry. It can be very hard to identify. (Baby whisperer calls it a mantra cry.)

In terms of transitioning to a crib you could prop it up with a rolled up towel under the mattress to create the same type of incline. You could also look into this special pillow things you put in the crib to hold the baby in place kind. I can't remember what its called. Its not FDA approved or whatever the government reg body is called but they are out there. Babies can feel lost in such a big crib! This could help? Or BW also suggests rolling up a towel and taping it so it can't unroll.

You are a great mother!! This is hard stuff to figure out. I found 4-6 months was harder then the beginning for some reason... Your baby loves you and feels very loved Smile