Sharing pictures with others, online-bad middos?

amother

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:06 pm

I like photographing my kids.
I like taking pics of things I do.
I noticed others do the same.
When I take pictures, I want to share them with friends, possibly post on imamother or on facebook, the same way I see others do.

But then I wonder.
Is it proper for me to do so? Is it proper middos for me to share pictures with other people? What if they are childless or going through infertility or her kids have disabilities, and the pictures of my kids hurt her? What if I was sharing pictures from a trip I went on, and a person sees the pictures and gets jealous because she is too busy to take such a trip/can't afford such a trip/her shalom bayis will be harmed by taking such a trip?
Is sharing these pics of mine with people baal gaavadik and bad middos? Am I hurting other people and being insensitive if I post pics of my cute kids or of fun things I did? (Or if I had a get together with friends and posting a picture from the get together might make someone feel sad that she has no friends/was excluded or whatnot?)

Is it bad middos to share pictures online?

But then I think- if I post pictures on facebook, people have a choice whether or not they want to open them and look at them; if I post them on "cutie of the week" post on imamother, people have a choice whether or not to open that thread, so if someone gets hurt because she is comparing and seeing what she is lacking, it was her fault because she knew what she was getting herself into.

Forget the security aspect of posting pics of your kids online- I'm talking purely from a middos aspect- is it fine for me to share the pictures that I really want to share, or is it improper and bad middos for me to do so?

chanahlady

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:12 pm

Why limit that to pictures? If you mention you'll be out of town, you might hurt someone's feelings who never gets to go out of town. If you mention your children are up early this morning, it might hurt someone's feelings who can't have children. Etc. etc. etc. So maybe you shouldn't be posting status updates at all, under that logic.

I have issues with posting pictures of family online, but that has more to do with security/privacy issues than anything else.

In the kitchen

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:18 pm

No matter what you do someone will be offended so you have to stop worrying about everyone else and focus on your close family.

We all have to challenge ourselves to not become jealous of each other and to train ourselves to be genuinely happy for others good fortune.

I would be wary of sharing pictures online just because of people you don't know misusing them etc. stranger danger and all.

amother

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:18 pm

I needed to add this to the first post:

Why yes post pictures? Because I live far from much of my family and friends; the only way to include them in whats going on in my life is via what I write on facebook/pics I share. I want my friends and family who arent nearby to also get to know my kids. And they may feel saddened if I dont share any.

Why are pictures different than status updates? Because pictures often are followed by compliments, etc... whereas status updates can be vents, discussions, etc.

amother

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:21 pm

In the kitchen wrote:

Just because someone else should work on themselves doesnt excuse us from having bad middos.

And what do you mean by misusing pics?

Simple1

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:22 pm

I also don't like sharing pictures publicly for privacy reasons. And I don't know if it's bad middos because although I've never been bothered by others pictures (I sometimes enjoy them) I can't speak for others.

But you might want to consider semi private ways of sharing your photos. You can use on line photo sharing sites that have privacy setting, and you can email the link to your relatives. You can also email the pictures (right click and send to mail recipient).

In the kitchen

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:24 pm

If your pictures are public or you have "friends" who you don't really know they might take the pictures and use them elsewhere, who knows where and what.

It isn't bad middos to share a few pictures so long distance family can see. I think it is bad middos to not share them with your family. May I suggest putting them in picasa albums online that are locked (ie. only with link or password whatever) and e-mailing invitations to them to see the new albums? That is what seems to work for us.

What is bad middos is someone getting upset at seeing your pictures and lashing out at you or wishing you ill chas v'shalom.

amother

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:27 pm

I only share my pictures with my facebook friends; not just anyone can see them. And I don't mind anyone on my friends' list seeing them.
I actually have a problem with emailing pics to specific people- I don't know who does want to see them and who doesn't, and some people get annoyed getting all these emails clogging up their inbox when they arent interested, and others might be hurt that they were left off. At least this way, anyone who wants to (from my friends and family) can see them, but no one has to.

ewa-jo

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:35 pm

amother wrote:

Is it proper for me to do so? Is it proper middos for me to share pictures with other people? What if they are childless or going through infertility or her kids have disabilities, and the pictures of my kids hurt her?

You could say the same thing about walking through the supermarket with a stroller full of kids. But are you going to avoid malls, supermarkets and all public places because you're afraid of running into people with infertility or disabled children? No, of course not.

I think you have to use discretion and not post things that come off as too boastful.

amother

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:38 pm

As someone who has no children yet Baruch Hashem and no money and therefore has never gone on vacation with my husband. I love seeing pictures of other people's kids. I don't think you need to post it in the infertility board but on cutie of the week. I just don't open that because I don't have much to add. I don't think it's bad midos to post it there. I think if you have friend or family that are struggling you don't have to overload on things they are struggling with in conversation but to post pictures not a big deal.

just my humble opinion.

amother

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 1:03 pm

ewa-jo wrote:

amother wrote:

You cant relly live your life normally by avoiding taking your kids anywhere public. You can live your life normally without pictures on facebook or imamother.

seeker

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 1:22 pm

I say yes to posting pictures, but nay to shoving them down people's throats or beating people over the head with them. Most people don't do this. Appropriate sharing is like putting some pictures on your facebook wall at a frequency of approximately once a week or less, with a caption like "Shloimy at the park" or "Sari's first day of school." And then there are people who put up a new picture every day or so with comments that are downright boastful and come with messages like "isn't this the cutest kid ever!" (which is legitimate for a mother to feel but gets a little tiresome to hear) or captions that describe in detail where they got each expensive outfit and so on and so forth. There's a difference between "Here's a cute picture of my kids with Mickey Mouse" and "OMG I'm so exhausted but Disney was the best, I can't believe we're not going again until next year, you are absolutely depriving your children if you don't go, and I can't wait to show you the pictures of all the souvenirs we bought, tomorrow."

Fox

Mon, Mar 26 2012, 12:17 pm

seeker wrote:

I realize self-deprecation is a trait that the British really perfected, but I don't think it hurts us Yanks to try to imitate it a bit. Years ago, I read about a Yerushalmi woman who, when asked about her children, replied, "Kin ayin hora, I'm the proud mother of 19 wonderful monsters." I'm sure there are literal-minded souls out there who will say, "How awful," but I loved the balance she struck between her pride and the obvious truth that even the most wonderful child is a work in progress.

A picture a week on Facebook or on a private website is great for family and friends. Long-winded emails with attachments (I know one person who sends out 5,000-word updates each month or so to a mailing list of 60) are not so great.

It's always more charming to underestimate your children's appeal than to overestimate it.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Mar 26 2012, 12:30 pm

Ok, this might make me sound like a freak, but I do think ayin hora is an issue. (I know, ayin hora only affects those who believe in it. ) I have one friend whose children are really, really beautiful- model material. I am not jealous, don't get me wrong. I love my kids to death and wouldn't change anything about them. But I feel uncomfortable FOR HER when she regularly posts pictures on FB- many of them professional- and people comment. Regular cute pictures don't make me feel that way, but the ones that just make people really stop and comment do. I also find it annoying when people post pictures hourly, but that's not as bothersome to me. So, that's my take.

PS I update my profile picture every few months, but I very consciously don't choose the best pictures. Just ones that make my kids look regular cute. I don't post pictures of them otherwise. I share shutterfly albums with family and a couple of close friends when they request it.