keep her back? | Imamother

paprika

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 1:18 am

ROFL wrote:

She was kept back in kindergarten. Orginally the teachers promised her she could help with the new kids in class, but they did not let her help when she started agian in sept. she was upset because she hoguth she would be the helper.

paprika wrote:

ROFL wrote:

My DD was kept back because she could not keep up with her class. It totally ruined her self image and the teachers were horrible and treated her like she was stupid for the next few years. She still needed tutoring and additional help. She could have had the extra help with the older class just as well.

Your daughter was kept back in kindergarten, or an older grade? It makes a difference.

It's sad that your daughter had such an experience. The teachers should've been more cooperative.

paprika

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 2:01 am

amother wrote:

She's been in the school for 1 year. At first, when I brought up the idea to her in passing, she told me that she doesn't want to be in a class of babies, but when I told her she would get to be the oldest and I told her the names of some of the kids who would be in her class that she likes, she was happy with the idea. (4 year olds are not exactly difficult to convince).

She has OT and PT and I'd like to really give her another year to catch up, her teacher isn't sure its a good idea since her motor skills are the only area she's behind in, academically she's on the higher end of the class. I say so what?

I did with my children like Eitam did. I put them in a playgroup for the first year, so I don't have first-hand experience about keeping back a child. Another suggestion: If the school has more than one kindergarten class, you can put her into the class with a different teacher, not her last years teacher and tell her that this is an older kindergarten.

DrMom

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 2:29 am

I think if a child is mamash having difficulties, then keeping back isn't so horrible.

But if it's just so that she will "have an edge" over her peers by artificially making her "peers" younger than she is, I think this is a disturbing trend.

What's next? Graduating kindergarten at age 7 to boost a child's ego? It's okay not to be the best.

shalhevet

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 2:38 am

amother wrote:

I'm of the opinion that if a child is born in November or December, unless they are on top of the class in all areas, why not keep them back, and have them be the oldest in the class?

One of my daughters is the youngest in the class, and though her teachers claim she's doing okay, I really wish I had kept her back, cuz I just don't feel that she's ready for a lot of what she needs to do in school. I now have to make that decision with a child in kindergarten who is one of the younger ones in her class. She's doing great academically and socially, but her fine motor skills aren't great and I'd love to leave her back and have her be really successful in all areas. DH isn't sure. I'd love to hear from others who kept their kids back, even though it wasn't strictly speaking "necessary"

I once read an article that many children are kept back for reasons which keeping back doesn't help. And then the difficulty isn't treated/ dealt with, since parents and/or teachers feel the keeping back will solve it all. If your dd has problems with her fine motor skills, get her help with that - take her to OT or enroll her in a crafts class or give her plasticene and cutting and sticking to do at home - get professional advice how much help she needs. There has to be some cut off date - I believe in keeping to what turns out, unless there is a strong reason not to. IME most problems/ difficulties - whether social, academic or physical - are not solved by keeping back, and if the child isn't helped as they should, they will just be a year behind with the same difficulties.

chani8

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 3:43 am

shalhevet wrote:

This is so true. Sometimes we just can't help but agree Shalhevet. Cool

However it can be difficult to convince the school that you want your child to get help, rather than held back.

mydear

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 6:36 am

Although each situation is unique, from my experience, I agree with keeping back and if there are any problems, using the year to help work on them.
My dd is now 17 and I regret not keeping her back. When she got to kindergarten she was in a class where half the girls went to 1st grade and half did another year of kindergarten, so it wouldn't have been a problem keeping her back. She was smart and did well in whatever they did and had friends. The only problem she had was that she was shy and short. It didn't enter my mind to keep her back and no one suggested it. Only when she started 1st grade did I hear from friends mothers that their daughters stayed back.
She ended up the youngest in the class and one of the smallest physically. She did well scholastically and had some friends, but overall she suffered socially and was teased alot. I don't know how she did it, but by 7th or 8th grade she succeeded socially. She's everyone's friend, gets calls constantly and is popular. But her personality changed some and she had to become tough on the outside.
Now again we feel the problem of being the youngest. She is not even 17 1/2 and about 10 out of 28 girls in her class are engaged. It started when she was still 16 and for the past few months we have had to tell shadchanim that she is still too young. They don't understand since she's "already" in 12th grade (chasidic school).
I wish you hatzlacha in your final decision.

catonmylap

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 7:47 am

It's very in style to hold kids back to give them an advantage - http://www.cbsnews.com/video/w.....lst;1 (from the March 4th show, you can download the whole audio show free)

I think kids will usually catch up by the time it counts. And I'm not trying to raise atheletes, so unless a kid close to the cutoff is struggling, I would push them ahead. I think in the frum world it is more of advantage to finish school younger as we push for early marriages.

myself

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 8:32 am

I haven't read the full thread so apologies if I'm repeating what has already been said...

If a child is born towards the end of the year then why not wait till the new school year. I'd rather my kid started later then be held back! Though I do agree that if a child started school a few weeks before the end then there's nothing wrong with staying down. If the child joined the class a term ago, meaning that she/he was mature enough to start school a while before their birthday then I imagine she/he would be mature enough to be able to move up with the rest of the class. It obviously depends on the child, I therefore think that it shouldn't be a flat out rule but the parents' personal decision.