SIL said I need her "permission" to "use"

HindaRochel

Sun, Jun 17 2012, 4:13 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

sarahd wrote:

HindaRochel wrote:

Not naming a person after a living relative means you do not name your child the name a relative CURRENTLY has. ie, if I were blessed with another child I would not give the child a name that a sister-in-law or niece or nephew or BIL had EVEN if I was naming from someone in the tenach.

Suppose a grandfather passes away. Is only one child permitted to be named after him?

Suppose it's a great-grandmother and your sister was named after that grandmother. Will you or your other siblings never give a name after that grandmother, since your sister has that name already?

I actually wouldn't dream of naming my child the same name as my sister, regardless of who she was named after. It's just weird in my book.
But this is a SIL by marriage. Totally different.

You don't consider your brother's wife related to you? I guess I would.

m in Israel

Sun, Jun 17 2012, 6:51 am

HindaRochel wrote:

Cousins may share a name, that isn't so unusual. But this is a sibling by marriage we are talking about.

If cousins share a name it means that someone gave the same name as their niece/ nephew -- one of the relatives you said you cannot give the same name as.

If your family does not give the same name as a sibling, that's fine. But to make a statement that "Ashkenazim do not give the same name as a relative that is alive" is certainly not true across the board. As I mentioned among many families I know, the ones who are the most into naming for people who have died are the most likely to have these types of scenarios, as people name for the same family member. (My sister is named for my grandmother, and if I had a baby girl I would definitely use the name -- it would actually be expected in my family.)

BTW it did not seem like tablepoetry was saying a SIL is not related -- she specifically said she would not use her own sibling's name because it felt "weird" to her -- not because they had any minhag or hakpadah not to do so. She said a sibling in law did not feel the same way.

Tablepoetry

Sun, Jun 17 2012, 7:48 am

m in Israel wrote:

HindaRochel wrote:

Cousins may share a name, that isn't so unusual. But this is a sibling by marriage we are talking about.

Exactly. I would find it weird to call my child the same name I had called my sister. You have a whole life of history with your sister, a very intense mix of memories and emotions, and I would just find it too strange to use the same exact name that evokes all these emotions for me, on a newborn baby.

A SIL is an entirely different ballgame. She enters your life when you are an adult, and her name isn't etched across your heart from day one like that of your sibling.

I honestly would be shocked if one of my siblings decided to use my name for their children. On the other hand, if one of my husband's siblings wanted to use my name, I wouldn't mind that much. I mean, it's nice to be special and be the only one with the name in the family, but I would never tell a sil or bil not to use the name. (It's a beautiful name if I do say so myself! Thanks to my dear parents z'l....)

sarahd

Sun, Jun 17 2012, 8:34 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

sarahd wrote:

HindaRochel wrote:

I actually wouldn't dream of naming my child the same name as my sister, regardless of who she was named after. It's just weird in my book.
But this is a SIL by marriage. Totally different.

Really? I have the same name as my aunt, and so does my first cousin. We're all named after my grandfather's mother. I guess that's why I don't find it weird at all.

Last edited by sarahd on Sun, Jun 17 2012, 8:36 am; edited 1 time in total

precious

Sun, Jun 17 2012, 9:37 pm

EvenI wrote:

This whole discussion could be for nothing. The baby could be born and then you could suddenly feel you want to give a totally different name.

There was a name that I loved all my life, I always dreamed of one day naming my daughter this name. Then I got married, and it was the first name of a close relative on my husbands side, who we had to name after. I waited to have a daughter and name her this name.
She was born, and I looked at her, and I didn't like it. It just didn't fit her any more.
Of course we named her after this close relative, but I call her by the second name, and not the first.
So yes, you really never know.