reasons for giving a name

amother

Sun, Jul 08 2012, 11:55 am

I'm soon expecting and I am in a quandary how to pick a name. until now, DH and I took turns. This coming baby is his turn. However, the baby will be born the week of a yarzheit of one of my ancestors. (possibly named on the day of the yarzheit, but that remains to be seen depending on what day the baby is born.) oh and the catch? I specifically went to that ancestor's Kever to daven last year for a baby. (I know what I'm having, the gender matches.).

so I'm having a baby a year after davening by that person for a baby, and the baby is born the week of their yarzheit. I understand it's DH's turn, but I know his parents had that too, that one person gave up their turn because the baby was born on the yarzheit of a gadol and grandfather of the other side.

MY DH claims these things are heebie jeebies and not important to consider when naming a baby. I wish there was someone who knows these things to tell me what's the right thing to do. Deep down I strongly feel like I should give the name of my relative by whom I davened, and who's yarzheit it is. but on the other hand it is DH's turn. Anyone ever had this type of situation or similar? Any advice?

Chippies

Sun, Jul 08 2012, 12:21 pm

Quote:

MY DH claims these things are heebie jeebies and not important to consider when naming a baby. I wish there was someone who knows these things to tell me what's the right thing to do. Deep down I strongly feel like I should give the name of my relative by whom I davened, and who's yarzheit it is. but on the other hand it is DH's turn.

If you feel strongly about something, then it's important to express your feelings to your husband. If he doesn't have any real objection other than saying that these things are "heebie jeebies" then your strong feelings about the name should be enough for him to forgo his turn. If you don't name after this relative, then you may always feel unsettled about it and that may hurt your shalom bayis. Anyway, there is no absolute "right thing to do" here. I mean, even the whole taking turns thing isn't a real minhag. We named both our kids after family members on my side because they weren't named for yet. And if we have another girl IYH then again she'll be named after someone on my side.

spring13

Sun, Jul 08 2012, 12:59 pm

Whose turn it is to pick isn't a more important justification for one name over another than the reasons you're expressing. If his objections are more about dismissing your thoughts and feelings than about the pattern you agreed on, then he's kind of being a jerk. If he were only insisting that its fair to follow the pattern you agreed on, then I'd be less bothered.

Does he dislike the name in question? There's no way he'd be ok with it otherwise?

observer

Sun, Jul 08 2012, 1:07 pm

Not everyone is so strict about whose "turn" it is. I think the 'turns' are more for when there's no other factors indicating one side or another, if all things are equal. Or for when people can't agree.

For example, we're not so into turns.. If it works out, nice. But if not, we come to an agreement together on what the best name based on the circumstances would be.

If one side has a grandparent not named after and the other side has a great grandparent, many people would name after the grandparent first, even if it's not their 'turn'.