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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
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Mon, Jul 23 2012, 4:39 pm
I recently realized that my nine year old is lying a lot. And not only when he did something wrong - that would be easier to understand.
Today, for example, he came over to me with a bunch of drawings and said, "Look what I drew. I'm a real artist!" I know his drawing - those drawing were not his. So I gave him a reality check, I said - wait, this one isn't yours, where's yours? Same with the next one etc. I guess he realized he was busted, so he said, "Oh, these are my friend's. I guess I left mine in school."
Last week he called home from school to tell me he wasn't feeling well. I was on the phone and didn't recognize the number, so I didn't pick up the click. Next thing I know, my MIL who lives nearby calls to tell me that my son is playing with some kids outside her house! Apparently when he couldn't get through he told the school I had said it was okay for him to come home, and then he just left. I had no idea he was coming home, and if not for my MIL seeing him, no one would have any idea where this child was. (By the way - he wasn't lying about not feeling well - he did have fever.)
How do I deal with this??? It's come to a point where I can't believe a word he says.
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mummiedearest
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Tue, Jul 24 2012, 10:16 am
firstly, what kind of school lets a nine yr old go home without having contact with the mother directly? I would call that school and threaten them with legal problems if they ever do that again. seriously. they're lucky you don't sue them right now.
as for the kid, why don't you ask him? talk to him about it. I don't know about other instances, but I'd worry way more about the school incident than the drawing one. the fact that he was willing to leave school on his own like that is quite worrying.
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Chayalle
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Tue, Jul 24 2012, 10:25 am
Yes, ask him. Why is he lying? What's bothering him, what is he missing?
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shlomitsmum
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Tue, Jul 24 2012, 10:56 am
The art incident seems pretty clear ...he craved increased recognition from you , he sought praise.
The school incident was a classic boy thing . He just needs some REAL self steem boosters ,people sometimes lie when they feel their true self is not good enough for the other party.
Find something he is really good at ...like Sports , or baking ,singing or whatever make a big deal of how amazing you think he is . The tall tales will B'H stop
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amother
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Tue, Jul 24 2012, 3:41 pm
OP here. Thanks for all your responses. Sorry, I've been crazy busy and haven't had time to come on here.
First of all, I just want to clarify - I'm in Israel, and the normal policy in the schools seems to be that they let the kid call home from the office, and if the mother says it's okay, they let the kid go home (for some crazy reason without speaking to the mother...) They saw my son speaking on the phone (he left a message) so why should they assume he was lying when he said he'd spoken to me?
He definitely has very low self esteen, exacerbated by the fact that he is pretty "difficult", and even more so by the fact that his younger brother is better, quicker, smarter in so many things. I personally think he's an amazing kid, and has SO much to appreciate in his character - he's warm, caring, helpful, and SO adorable. Unfortunately, as a 9-year-old boy these things don't interest him. I do try to play up the fact that he is very strong, and give him the jobs that require extra strength, but if you ever saw When the Chips Are Down - this kid is losing SO MANY poker chips every day, it's so hard to boost his self esteem!
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