HELP!!! Very Needy Elderly Neighbour!

klotzkashe

Sat, Nov 25 2006, 4:05 pm

We have a neighbour (next door) who is an elderly retired Rabbi. He's a nice, sweet man. He has to wear pressure stockings everyday and has asked my husband to come to him each night to take them off for him as he is unable to do so. My husband has been doing this for 3 wks. Already he has gone to weddings without letting us know and returned at midnight (and knocked on our door!). He went to bed early on Thursday night without letting my husband know and so we were worried if he was OK when he didn't answer the door. On Friday night he ate out and got the host (who walked him back) to take them off for him. Once again my husband knocked, no answer and was worried about where he was.

And here's where it gets even more annoying.

The Jewish care organisation can only organise for someone to come Mon Wed Fri to put on his stockings for him. He has asked my husband to come e/ morning to put them on. THis is a very demanding task bc it doens't only involve putting them on. Usually every session involves this man reminiscing his life, giving over divrei torah and wastes about 20-30mins of DH's time.

Last night he comes over after Shabbos to get his socks off and starts to say how he sat on Shab mornings for 2 hours trying to put them on by himself. he then went on to say how it could take someone only 2 mins but him it took 2 hours. This is completely ridiculous - and probably not entirely true (who would sit around for 2 hrs??). he has asked my husband before and my husband has just not said anything (he believes he doens't have ot do it). This man does have family in our city and does have the means to pay someone to do this for him.

do you think my husband is right? should we be feeling guilty?

How do you get a neighbour to realise that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

amother

Sat, Nov 25 2006, 5:34 pm

Wow, klotz, that's a really tough situation. It's great to be a good friend and a good neighbor, especially when living right next door, but you have absolutely no responsibility to this man and it is completely wrong of him to even *expect* such favors from you and your husband.

You could either take the direct approach and write a note or speak with him-- or be more subtle. Perhaps something subtle would be a good first step:

Could DH casually mention that he (DH) is going to have a very busy schedule the next few weeks and he cares so much about the man that he wants to make sure someone else is able to help-- family or paid help. And then you could start answering the door and saying DH is not available-- as DH said he wouldn't be.

It's really a difficult one, and I'm sure you and your DH would love to help, but please don't let this man take over your life!! And it isn't fair either that you should be worrying about him when he somehow finds other arrangements.... Good luck!

ShiraMiri

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 7:00 pm

You should contact his kids and let him know he needs help. It shouldn't be your husband's regular duty. In an emergency, yes, but he needs hired help.

It seems a bit odd that this elderly neighbor can get around to weddings and shabbos meals, but can't put on and off his support socks? He sounds pretty active...