Hashem only gives what we can cope with, right!!!

frootloops

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 1:49 pm

I just heard something very beautiful when my husband was sitting shiva for his father R"L. (I'm sorry I don't know the source)

It says that Sorah Imainu died from when she was told that Avrohom had taken Yitzchok to shecht him by the Akeida. The question is, if Avrohom was great enough to go out and perform this difficult test, how come Sorah wasn't able to withstand it? The answer is that this nisayon was given to Avrohom along with the capabilities to withstand it. However, this nisayon was not given to Sorah and therefore when she heard her neshoma could not handle it.

In all this is a ery difficult topic because we see that there seem to people who can not cope with life difficulties. But I have found that keeping this thought in mind can be the biggest chizuk, especially when going through a very rough patch. Hashem knows you can do it!!

I think this is the only thing that is pulling my MIL through.

amother

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 2:14 pm

OP, if it's you we're talking about, I feel for you. I had this question many many times. I had a very difficult life. When my therapist listened to me (lots of sessions!) she said humorously, "you're life is so colorful" meaning to say, that when she thought she knew it all, something else came up. The tears I shed, the soaked pillows, the questions, no answers, denial and hatred. When I got married I said "ok AD KAN, I have suffered enough, I DESERVE a better life now". Uh huh, Someone had other plans. And then one day, I figured it out. Hashem really truly loves me. Throughout my years, that was all I heard, from teachers and friends ..... and I was like "Ok, why can't he love you too, or I'd rather He stop loving me that much and just give me a normal life..." But then I saw it. Some pple get things easily. Like money. All they got to do is ...work! But Hashem knows I can do better. He likes the way I ask. He likes the way I beg him. He likes my tears. He likes our relationship. He likes me. If my life would have been smooth, even for just a while, He knows, that I will forget about Him a little bit. So how to cope? Picture Hashem RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, not in the higher spheres or anywhere else - there. Next to you. Beside you. Smiling at you. Encouraging you. Telling you 'you can do it'. Your personal cheering team. Once you pass that nisayon, you stay calm, accept it with love, He will rejoice together with you. You will feel a closeness you never knew existed. (Then u can tell him, don't I deserve something for it?! LOL

You have created a Keili, a something in which the bracha may dwell in. Now you can count your blessings.) Behatzlacha.

amother

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 2:40 pm

To the last amother, you couldn't have said it any better.

I too had a "colorful" life. People call me a shl'mazal embarrassed

And when I got married I thought everything will change for the better and guess what someone had other plans for me too. I am just patiently waiting for my wheel to turn - for the better LOL

I cope the same way like you, I feel hashem is at my side all the time! It makes life so much easier, guaranteed Exclamation

amother

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 3:16 pm

I rememebr being taught that there is a concept that your Neshama chooses it's life and the different situations it gets. That is a really really tough thing to understand in cases like abuse and other horrible things. But on some level it is a tikun that it chose because it needed it. That isn't to say a person should stay in a bad sitatuon or prevent themselves from getting into it. But on a level we all chose the lives we have, we just don't remember it.

frootloops

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 3:32 pm

realizing that e/t is from Hashem and is done out of his love for us and is what is the best for us is for sure the best coping aid. but....quite easier said than done.

It's like a moshal a prominent gadol tolld my husband after his father's petirah- when you stand in shul and someone slaps you on the back, either it's your enemy and he's slapping you, or it's your friend saying good morning. The gadol told my husband, you got a klop- but look who gave it- Hashem- it's a sign of love that in this upside down sorld we can't understand

mumoo

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 4:27 pm

Esther01 wrote:

also her olam haba must be soooooo great! cuz she suffered enough in olam haze

this has always disturbed me. I feel like I have been bentched over and over and cant think of any tru suffering. sure I have children with issues, we struggle on some days like everyone else, but overall, I have only nachas. does this mean I will have tremedous suffering in olam haba?

Crayon210

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 4:34 pm

mumoo wrote:

Esther01 wrote:

also her olam haba must be soooooo great! cuz she suffered enough in olam haze

Nope. It means you're a happy person, who has been truly blessed.

amother

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 4:22 am

When my special needs child was born I had a very hard time. I wanted to scream when people would say Hashem only gives what you can handle. Finaly someone,with similar issues said "whosays yesterday you could handle this, but Hashem gives you the strngth with the problem. You have to look for it. But Hashem put it there."Sometimes the strength is all from within, sometimes from friends & neighbors, sometimes only from tefila. Does dealing with something mean we will all of asudden be happy with situation? A person who is clinicaly depressed won't wake up one day & say wow I have a great support system so I am all better.No, it means coping day to day, sometimes seeing some good & the next day a little more good.
Coping doesn't mean you are always happy perky.

sarahd

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 4:31 am

amother wrote:

When did Hashem promise to only give what a person can handle? Where does it say this? I dont agree that there is such a deal between us and Hashem

Chazal say, אין הקב'ה בא בטרוניא עם בריותיו, which means that Hashem doesn't come to His creations with impossible demands.