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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
I HATE myself for hating him!



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amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2012, 3:51 pm
I sometimes cannot take my 7 year old autistic spectrum child. I resent him, I feel stuck, I have no patience for him. I hate my situation, and I hate myself for hating my situation b/c of him. He does not let me breathe!!!! when I go out, he wants to come with me everywhere. when my DH goes out and wants to take him, he will not go with him. he literally follows me around the house. I think he needs my approval, but all I give him are glaring looks. I don't want him to feel unwanted, but I don't want him!!! I have no life, I never get a break, even when I do get a break adn go out by myself, I have to come home to him.

what should I do? I;m scared im damaging him for life!
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ROFL




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2012, 4:28 pm
First hugs and kisses for being honest. Are you able to gt any help for your child. If you live in NY , there are respite and community hab programs. You also need to find yourself a support group? Can you let us know which state your in nd we can help you with resources.
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sim




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2012, 6:26 pm
You MUST get some respite. No one can be a good and loving parent when she/he never gets a break. There are respite programs available in most states; in NY there are even a choice of frum programs. If you can't wait that long, maybe try to network through your friends/family for a young adult who is in college or in training for that type of field who wants to make some money and get some experience on the side.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2012, 8:04 pm
I don't live in the states.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2012, 8:27 pm
Are there any resources available in your area? Perhaps one of your son's medical caregivers can help with referrals. Or your rav. Or a social service agency - whatever exists in your region.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 02 2012, 8:52 pm
you know, I saw a personal coach today for the first time. Something I have never tried before, and I thought she was very good. She mentioned that she felt that she thinks I need to see my family doctor as I presented with mild depression, in her opinion. She thought it would not be a bad idea to consider going on some type of medication, not long term, but just to get me over this slump. I have been very unmotivated, and in a rut. My daughter is getting married soon, I am not very into it. not feeling the excitment of it.
I am a little weary to start on this type of medication as I don't want to gain weight (even though I don't know that that is a side effect, just thinking it might be). I'm very unhappy in my job also. I feel I'm just coasting....

what do you imamothers think?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 03 2012, 8:36 am
I think whether you go the approach of counseling or whether you get some medical intervention, it's a good idea to take care of yourself. It sounds like you need some better support, and some help setting limits. It is possible to take a spectrum kid and help them understand that certain things are "must-do's". Are you getting proper help and support with him to learn to do that? If so, ask those therapists to help him learn to spend time with his father, so that you aren't so restricted. You also may want to have him form a bond with a caregiver that will be available during your DD's wedding, so that you can enjoy the event.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2012, 2:46 am
amother wrote:

I am a little weary to start on this type of medication as I don't want to gain weight (even though I don't know that that is a side effect, just thinking it might be). I'm very unhappy in my job also. I feel I'm just coasting....

what do you imamothers think?


Just because some people have some side effects, doesn't mean that you will too.

I'm on Depakote (valproic acid), which is notorious for making people gain weight. Not only did I not gain weight, but I have been able to diet successfully and I've gone from 179 pounds down to 130, and I've been able to keep at my low weight for two years now.

Even if you do gain a little bit (you won't blow up overnight!), don't you think you'd be better off happy and less stressed? Your daughter won't care what size dress you wear, but she will care if you're miserable. Your son won't mind if you're extra cushy to hug, as long as he gets those hugs.
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