Is this Rude? | Imamother

amother

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 10:40 pm

Imaonwheels wrote:

I have been to so many kiddushes where the baal hasimcha is doing the right thing and making a kiddush for all of the daveners. What do I see? Some women w/children don't always go to shul but will come and bring all the kids if they here there will be a kiddush. The people who want to see and care about the BM, aufruf or just want to daven find themselves with nearly empty messy tables. This includes the invited guests. There have been real cases of chillul HaShem when peoples not so frum relatives come.
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When we are invited to a Bar Mitzvah kiddush or another simcha, I don't go to the davening, but I do bring the kids to the kiddush afterwards. I want to be there for the simcha, however I don't feel it's appropriate to bring all my kids to the davening. Or worse, go in and daven myself, but leave my children unattended as many mothers do! I arrive well after the kiddush has begun.

downsyndrome

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 8:11 pm

I think it is very important for baalei simcha/hosts to be very, very specific when extending invitations in indicating precisely WHO is invited. I also think it is very important for guests to bring only those family members who were indeed invited. This would avoid a lot of grief on both sides.
Personally, I don't think little children belong at any of these adult affairs; they belong at birthday parties and at Chanukah and Purim parties for the immediate or extended families. Young children cannot handle the noise, crowds, loud chit-chat, and adult food at most simchas. They end up tearing at their mothers' skirts and disturb not only their own parent, but all those around them too! And if an adult has been invited and cannot find a babysitter, by no means does this mean that she may bring her baby along; it means that she has the right to stay home and will have better luck next time.
I am sorry if I come across witchy, but the loss of respect and decorum at simchas is pathetic; gone are the days (and I am not THAT old) when a simcha was an elegant, enjoyable get-together by a group of invited adults. Today, simchas resemble nursery school in chaos. And nobody should tell me that it's because there are more children today; it's because there are no barriers today. Babysitting is expensive, I'm nursing, my kids are so cute, their dresses are so cute, etc. All these reasons were no different when I was a kid or when I was/am raising my kids.
As I am writing this we are getting ready to go to a family Bar Mitzvah. I know it will be a chicken market and I dread it. I was also told 'Bring ALL your kids'. Two are coming, and they have been getting crash courses all evening on appropriate simcha behavior.
I made a bris for my first grandchild last week. Some guests brought babies without having been invited. I was appalled! Those babies cried and grabbed. How does one have the audacity to bring an uninvited guest, as little as the guest is(the smaller in size, the bigger in disturbance!)?
There! I must've lost about five pounds now from unloading!!! LOL

el2cg

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 10:29 pm

I totally agree with you. my mom did not invite some nieces to my brothers bar mitzvah because a- she's not close with them (we have a very large family) b- the always show up with their babies. my mom wanted an elegent affair. I was invited tonight to a sheva bruchas, however I declined becuase I did not want to pay for a sitter or shlep them along. the bal simchas was understanding. I think its really disgusting when ppl. bring their children with baby carriages to simchas. and I'm a young mom!