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UMAN



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justmarried:)




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 13 2012, 12:24 pm
I got married 3 months ago. Rosh Hashana is on its way and my husband is considering going to Uman. He went last year and really enjoyed it. In a way I want him to go because it would make him happy but at the same time I don't want him to go. I want to spend our first Rosh Hashana together. Any advice?
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Soul on fire




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jul 14 2012, 9:41 pm
tell him that.
are you/he breslov?
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justmarried:)




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jul 14 2012, 10:06 pm
I explained it to him and he understands and doesn't want to go if I don't want him to. But am I being selfish by wanting him to stay home with me? And no we aren't Breslov.
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Soul on fire




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jul 14 2012, 10:40 pm
I don't think it's selfish to want to be with your new husband for the yom tovim. If he understands and won't be a pouty baby about staying home then I would ask him to stay home.

(this is a side question) Why do non-breslovers go to uman for RH anyway?
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shalhevet




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jul 14 2012, 11:21 pm
If you aren't Breslov, this is totally out of line IMHO. There is a mitzva for a husband to be with his wife during the shana rishona. If someone wants to go to THEIR rebbe/ yeshiva etc. it should be discussed with their rav/rebbe.

This sounds more like an "experience" type of thing. Well, he's married now, not a single guy who can just do what he prefers doing. Marriage is responsibility - for shana rishona, and later iy"H when you are pregnant and/or with little kids and/or he needs to go to shul with his children. When this conflicts with a genuine spiritual need, (or of course another important demand like business etc.) someone should speak to their rav.
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merelyme




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 15 2012, 3:10 am
"He really enjoyed it" is not a reason to go again.
What would he expect to gain this year?
Are finances an issue?
Where would you spend Rosh Hashanah without him?

It's a good sign that you don't want him to go, and a good sign that he is taking your wishes into account!
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miriamnechama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 19 2012, 10:33 am
Just saw this I don't know if he went so my ans will be a bit too late!! mine went 15 years ago when we had been married 3 months, he'd been going before and warned me while dating this was going to happen.... I'm fine with it and the best part is I get a nice vacation!! ie don't have to o anything for a week can sleep in when I want treat myself etc...
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thatgirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 19 2012, 10:35 am
Did he end up going? I would have said that since he already went in the past I wouldnt feel bad saying no u want his company.
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justmarried:)




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 19 2012, 7:46 pm
Followup: My DH didn't end up going... we did end up going to his parents house, so that he can daven in his 2nd most preferable shul (1st= UMAN)... IYH next year, if moshiach isnt here, if he wants to go (..he will!) I will probably let him... Very Happy
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 19 2012, 8:56 pm
FrumMamaPA wrote:


(this is a side question) Why do non-breslovers go to uman for RH anyway?


same reason some men go fishing--to get away from their wives
same reason some men go to bars--for the drinking
same reason some men go to sporting events--for the male bonding
same reason some men go to the races --to see what the excitement's about
same reason some men go hang-gliding--so they can say they did
same reason some men go to Everest--because it's there
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monseymother




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2012, 7:27 pm
Zaq I take offense at your insinuations. My DH has been going for the past several years and takes along my sons above 6 years old. We are absolutely not Breslov, but my husband feels so spiritually uplifted by his trips, that I wouldn't dream of persuading him not to go. (obviously shana rishon a of marriage is different). Yes, he actually loves me very much and misses me very much while away, as I do him..But we are mature adults who respect each other and understand what is important to each other. there is never an issue of me being alone as I am more than happy to spend Yomtov with my parents. he takes our boys so there is no issue of them Davening alone. No, he doesn't drink alcohol, nor does he enjoy lengthy trips across the world, with sub par living conditions while there, but he feels the gain so overweighs the difficulties. and might I add, with a few boys to care for, he doesn't have a spare second to "party" with other guys! I never understood the negative comments I hear from so many people. Why can't people respect the beliefs and spiritual endeavors of others without having to knock them? I don't agree with everything other people do, but I respect their ability to make their own decisions about what is right for them, without looking down at them.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2012, 7:38 pm
Glad he ended up staying home. It doesn't make much sense to spend the first rosh hashana apart. I hope he understood that. It is nice of you to go to his parents though.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2012, 8:29 pm
monseymother wrote:
Zaq I take offense at your insinuations. My DH has been going for the past several years and takes along my sons above 6 years old. We are absolutely not Breslov, but my husband feels so spiritually uplifted by his trips, that I wouldn't dream of persuading him not to go. (obviously shana rishon a of marriage is different). Yes, he actually loves me very much and misses me very much while away, as I do him..But we are mature adults who respect each other and understand what is important to each other. there is never an issue of me being alone as I am more than happy to spend Yomtov with my parents. he takes our boys so there is no issue of them Davening alone. No, he doesn't drink alcohol, nor does he enjoy lengthy trips across the world, with sub par living conditions while there, but he feels the gain so overweighs the difficulties. and might I add, with a few boys to care for, he doesn't have a spare second to "party" with other guys! I never understood the negative comments I hear from so many people. Why can't people respect the beliefs and spiritual endeavors of others without having to knock them? I don't agree with everything other people do, but I respect their ability to make their own decisions about what is right for them, without looking down at them.


Sorry you were offended. You clearly don't relate to zaqian humor. It's an acquired taste and not for everyone.

Obviously people go because they're looking for a spiritual uplift. Why else would they voluntarily sleep four and five in a tent or rented room in a dilapidated hovel in a decrepit, obscure Ukrainian hamlet on one of the biggest holidays of the year? If your dh wanted to drink or adventure or get away from you, a place a couple of hours' drive away would do the trick at a fraction of the cost.
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Soul on fire




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2012, 8:39 pm
monseymother wrote:
Zaq I take offense at your insinuations. My DH has been going for the past several years and takes along my sons above 6 years old. We are absolutely not Breslov, but my husband feels so spiritually uplifted by his trips, that I wouldn't dream of persuading him not to go. (obviously shana rishon a of marriage is different). Yes, he actually loves me very much and misses me very much while away, as I do him..But we are mature adults who respect each other and understand what is important to each other. there is never an issue of me being alone as I am more than happy to spend Yomtov with my parents. he takes our boys so there is no issue of them Davening alone. No, he doesn't drink alcohol, nor does he enjoy lengthy trips across the world, with sub par living conditions while there, but he feels the gain so overweighs the difficulties. and might I add, with a few boys to care for, he doesn't have a spare second to "party" with other guys! I never understood the negative comments I hear from so many people. Why can't people respect the beliefs and spiritual endeavors of others without having to knock them? I don't agree with everything other people do, but I respect their ability to make their own decisions about what is right for them, without looking down at them.


Since he is not Breslov, what made him interested in going in the first place? This is just out of curiosity, not trying to bash your husband's going.
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monseymother




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2012, 9:05 pm
zaq, LOL I guess I still have a lot to learn here. No offense taken. I guess I'm just a bit more sensitive because for the last week I have been dealing with negative comments from all sorts of people, from strangers to family and everywhere in between! People can be so judgmental about anything that differs from how they see things, never ceases to amaze me..
FrumMamaPa, DH was convinced to go along several years ago with a group. It was a very long, tedious and exhausting trip, not to mention the conditions once they got there. However, he was extremely affected by the experience there. He came back exhausted but exhilirated and I couldn't believe he actually was looking forward to the following year! He says the davening in the main shul, where thousands of people attend, was unbelievable. They have a minhag of clapping at different times during davening, and he claims the thunderous sounds are unbelievable. The singing and level of uplifting spirituality, left him feeling differently than ever before. He also speaks about Erev RH when everyone goes to the kever of Rav Nachman, and how awesome a feeling that is. Thousands of people walking together to Tashlich, was another high point for him. And then after Yom Tov is over, there is singing and dancing in the streets that apparently is amazing (I guess thats where all the na..nach..nachman songs are played!) He is amazed at the variety of people that come and personally witnessed guys with tattoes all over their bodies, crying their eyes out there.
After that first year, he began taking our sons along and they absolutely love the experience and count down the days till the next rosh hashana to go back.
Personally, I wish it were for ladies as well, sounds like an amazing experience that I would really enjoy.
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miriamnechama




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2012, 9:25 pm
DH and boys came back yesterday. I found out afterwards that my bar mitzva boy fainted in Uman.. so last night he said to me ma I got my tikkun ii was sick and fainted..... I have no idea why, prob weather and he had fever as he was in a tent and maybe low blood sugar...
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chocolate chips




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2012, 7:59 am
miriamnechama poor thing!

I always get nervous about these things, men going alone with kids (don't ask my why coz dh sometimes looks after ds better than me!), tons of people in one place, little kids not getting TLC from mummy!!
when my brother went to camp, travelled to Israel on his own, I was always so worried, still am even about dh!

I am a jewish mummy I guess Smile
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