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-> Yom Tov / Holidays
Babka
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Wed, Oct 10 2012, 10:19 am
Baruch Hashem, a few months ago I was blessed to give birth to a healthy baby boy, my first.
With that, I felt like I spent the majority of the yomim tovim changing diapers, nursing, getting my baby to fall asleep (as I do on chol days), setting the table, clearing the table, cooking, and wondering when I would next be able to do laundry since a lot of my clothes and baby's smelled like spit up.
We were invited out to some meals and I greatly enjoyed socializing at the meals and at shul with the other mommies on the playground, baruch Hashem.
What was difficult during this month was connecting to Hashem through the chagim. I'm used to going to shul, experiencing the changes in davening, hearing the rabbi's drash, enjoying meals in the sukkah. I feel like this year I barely noticed the change between the chagim as I was doing the same thing every day. During meals I was often tending to a hungry baby, poopy diaper baby, and beyond exhausted baby, just trying to get through the meal and eat something without having a screaming crying baby.
So my question is: How do you connect to the cycle of the chagim, the teshuva, zman simchateinu, Hashem during all this?
I had a few moments where I felt it:
1. First day of rosh hashana, I was able to daven the ful shacharis amidah while my baby slept and really connected to Hashem's malchus.
2. During chol hamoed sukkos, my husband and I went to do tashlich. My baby was ready for a nap so I had him in a carrier on me and he fell asleep just as I finished tashlich. I felt very present in my experience with tashlich.
Be'ezrat Hashem I will experience many more chagim with small children and babies to care for. Please share with me your insights in finding meaning and spirituality in the yearly cycle.
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Babka
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Thu, Oct 11 2012, 4:31 am
Really folks? 61 views and no one has anything to share? Please...
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Isramom8
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Thu, Oct 11 2012, 5:02 am
It can take a number of years to transition to Yom Tov as a mommy. You're on the right track, finding meaning in the brief interludes you can grab here and there.
Sooner or later you will also find spirituality in just mommying on these days. You need to reach inside your heart to pull out all the tefilos, songs and hashkafos that you experienced as a single girl, to make Yom Tov what it should be in your mind. And this is what you will pass on to your children.
I get your challenge, and it can be hard until you mellow into it.
Can you also save a sefer or book that speaks to your soul for these days? You may be able to find some time to read.
I know it soulds like forever, and it almost is, but my youngest is now 6, and I can daven more in shul at least on the Yamim Noraim. I'm a savta and I'm still young.
My married daughter is content to stay home and care for her baby on Yom Tov, but personally, I went through your struggle. If your husband can sometimes daven netz, or if there is a late minyan, then maybe you can get to shul for Mussaf. Or switch off with a friend, but I found that most weren't that interested.
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syrima
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Thu, Oct 11 2012, 7:55 am
subscribe to Bina! It has articles on this, and short torah articles that you can actually get through while baby naps.
I hear you, YT feels just the same as other days sometimes. Concentrate on your role as Creator and Nurturer of this little being. This is like us and Hashem -we need constant nurturing.
Women are exempt from much of hilchos tefila bc it would be impossible to be a mother otherwise.
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willow
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Thu, Oct 11 2012, 11:18 am
syrima wrote: | subscribe to Bina! It has articles on this, and short torah articles that you can actually get through while baby naps.
I hear you, YT feels just the same as other days sometimes. Concentrate on your role as Creator and Nurturer of this little being. This is like us and Hashem -we need constant nurturing.
Women are exempt from much of hilchos tefila bc it would be impossible to be a mother otherwise. |
Seriously Bina was my only inspiration this month I agree. Its short burst of inspiration from ppl with issues I could relate to.
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TranquilityAndPeace
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Thu, Oct 11 2012, 11:27 am
I once heard this somewhere, can't recall where:
A mother of young children is supposed to take care of them on Yom Kippur, just the same as an ordinary Tuesday afternoon.
Which means, that a mother's task, on YK or ordinary afternoons is truly Kodesh Kodashim, because that's what she's supposed to do on YK!
Additionally, look at what the Kohanim did in the Bais Hamikdash: Slaughtering animals, cleaning animals, cleaning the wicks out of the Menorah, bringing the karbanos, etc. NOT chanting mystical songs and meditating with the sunrise in empty fields. Sounds awfully similar to the cooking and cleaning I do in my home. Because it is; each house is a mikdash me'at.
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Roots
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Thu, Oct 11 2012, 12:36 pm
hwy babka, man, you spelled out my thoughts!
thats really much how I feel being a new mom and all.
Since I gave birth my husband has been buying Binah and I really do find it to be my only link to inspiration. I dont have time or extra money to buy books in english (in israel they are all more expensive) and BH I enjoy it.
Good luck and I gues when were grandmas well start going to shul again
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black sheep
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Thu, Oct 11 2012, 12:53 pm
I find meaning and spirituality in caring for my children. there is nothing more kadosh on earth than caring for the needs of those who cannot care for themselves. that includes your babies, your elderly grandparents, and any ill relatives. tefillah and torah learning are an alternate way of finding kedusha for when there is no one that needs your immediate care.
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Babka
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Thu, Oct 11 2012, 5:40 pm
Thank you all for sharing. I guess I should subscribe to binah...
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PinkFridge
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Fri, Oct 12 2012, 5:29 am
Hi babka. I "liked" (and liked) Isramom's post.
It's funny, I don't remember hearing about this angst over yom tov in my day, maybe because we didn't have the internet, all the women's magazines, etc. (Though there was probably some discussion like this in the one - shortlived - magazine, Jewish Woman's Outlook, and all that anti-feminism stuff in the Jewish Observer. Maybe I need to read On Hearth and Home to be set straight.)
Somehow, we just knew our place. If we could split child care with a friend to get to shul, beautiful. But there was no conflict like I'm seeing now.
I'm now at a point where I CAN go to shul, I HAVE made time for some wonderful shiurim. It's nice, believe me, but I fondly remember those years when I spent the holiest days in the playground. I tried to get some good reading material for me, treats for the kids to make the days seem special and give me some free davening time, but I got through it.
Oh, and there's still the cooking, even in my newly liberated state. Luckily I enjoy cooking. The old yenem's gashmiyus is my ruchniyus adage helps me too.
And mazal tov!
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