defiant child | Imamother

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 7:03 am

I need ideas that WORK.

I have a preteen who has mood issues. He can get out of control and have tantrums like a 2 year old. His therapist tells me to ignore him when he does this, but he gets violent kicking and hurting his brothers and sisters and throws things at people or on the floor to break them. He is too big for me to hold him down or make him go to another room. If I ask him to go to his room, he gets more angry and ignores me. He is on medication but it doesn't work so well.

What can I do?

imasinger

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 7:31 am

You might need a new therapist.

One does not ignore a child who is endangering himself and others.

I recommend finding a counselor who specializes in behavior plans for difficult children to help you tailor a plan for your specific needs.

Such plans generally have 3 parts.

1. Increase the time you spend with him in, so that you have at least 10-20 minutes every day where you are his partner in his choice of activity. This improves the relationship and increases the odds that he will buy in to the rest. It is an ongoing commitment.

2. Set up house rules with meaningful rewards for meeting challenges, via token or chart system. One for a kid who is prone to meltdown might be points for each calm day.

3. Institute house rules that anyone who threatens the safety of himself or others (and whatever other fundamentals, but limited to 3 or so) goes in immediate time out. Yes, you can put a teen or preteen in time out if the system is set up right.

As I said, the plan would have to fit your particular situation, but that's the general idea.

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 7:57 am

Please listen to me. I've been in your shoes. My experience is this: all the behavior modification programs in the world will not help a person who is not medicated properly.

We did not get real help until we finally found a dr who put DS on the right medicine. It took about 10 months of experimenting until we hit the jackpot. DS got worse before he got better, but right now he is a different person - calm & in control. All the $$$ we spent on therapy was wasted before we found the right medicine to control his anger.

chani8

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 8:53 am

Read a book by Dr Amen, asap, on brain health, like the 6 types of add or one of his other books.

Because you need to understand brain health, effects of meds, making sure your son is on the right meds for him, etc.

Also, talk to DS when he is calm. He has a lot of anger, find out why. Make make sure he wasn't molested. That can cause a very big out of control anger in a child.