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amother






Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 4:58 pm
Mothers of children from your previous marriage, how do you do it with the surnames? Do your children officially carry your new surname? Do they stay with their own? How do you announce it at school? How do you do it in the official documents with their fellow students present?

Mine are struggling. My two oldest dd's have their father's surname and will have till they get married iy"H. At school perhaps only one secretary knows the truth and never tells anyone. Their fellow students and teachers have no idea but the problem comes with official announcements. One of them is to take an exam soon which is going to be supervised by the gouvernment. She has to bring along her ID and will have to be called out by her name. She's been hysterical today anticipating what her fellow students are going to say when they hear another surname to identify her. What am I to do? How am I to protect her?
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cs1









  


Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 5:09 pm
Can you call the school and/or the people on charge then to call her by the prefered name? Its always easier when the staff know the story. Maybe her teacher can privately tell the officer before her turn?!
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amother






Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 5:13 pm
Wow! Why make it a problem? My children are known by my second husband's last name but their official name is their fathers. It has never been an issue at Dr's offices and Passport control. So what and who cares?

If you were relaxed about it your child would not be facing this crisis. She needs to concentrate on her exam and not this mechigas.
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amother






Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 5:29 pm
amother wrote:
Wow! Why make it a problem? My children are known by my second husband's last name but their official name is their fathers. It has never been an issue at Dr's offices and Passport control. So what and who cares?

If you were relaxed about it your child would not be facing this crisis. She needs to concentrate on her exam and not this mechigas.


OP
She's her own person with meshigas of her own. I'm relaxed but she isn't. It's a big issue here because she can't find a heart to simply ignore the questions that might follow or cut them short. There are going to be her fellow students present and more than one so that you can't say they heard it wrong.
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amother






Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 5:31 pm
cs1 wrote:
Can you call the school and/or the people on charge then to call her by the prefered name? Its always easier when the staff know the story. Maybe her teacher can privately tell the officer before her turn?!


I'm afraid the teacher is not going to be there at all. I might inquire how it is possible to probably call her by both names but am not sure they'll do it.
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myself









  


Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 5:34 pm
amother wrote:
cs1 wrote:
Can you call the school and/or the people on charge then to call her by the prefered name? Its always easier when the staff know the story. Maybe her teacher can privately tell the officer before her turn?!


I'm afraid the teacher is not going to be there at all. I might inquire how it is possible to probably call her by both names but am not sure they'll do it.


Who will be at the exam? Can't the school be asked to call her by the name she goes by?
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amother






Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 5:35 pm
why dont you legally change her name?
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amother






Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 5:41 pm
amother wrote:
why dont you legally change her name?


Because her father doesn't let. Twisted Evil Now seriously... We can't, it's a long story.
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amother






Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 5:45 pm
myself wrote:
amother wrote:
cs1 wrote:
Can you call the school and/or the people on charge then to call her by the prefered name? Its always easier when the staff know the story. Maybe her teacher can privately tell the officer before her turn?!


I'm afraid the teacher is not going to be there at all. I might inquire how it is possible to probably call her by both names but am not sure they'll do it.


Who will be at the exam? Can't the school be asked to call her by the name she goes by?


OP
The school just participates. Now that we came to talk about it I think I might ask the officials directly. Wanted to know how the others do it. And will the non Jewish organizers understand us to comply?
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amother






Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 5:55 pm
amother wrote:
myself wrote:
amother wrote:
cs1 wrote:
Can you call the school and/or the people on charge then to call her by the prefered name? Its always easier when the staff know the story. Maybe her teacher can privately tell the officer before her turn?!


I'm afraid the teacher is not going to be there at all. I might inquire how it is possible to probably call her by both names but am not sure they'll do it.


Who will be at the exam? Can't the school be asked to call her by the name she goes by?


OP bH
The school just participates. Now that we came to talk about it I think I might ask the officials directly. Wanted to know how the others do it. And will the non Jewish organizers understand us to comply?


This is 5:13 amother.

The organization may or may not comply. The problem is that you may raise questions about whether your daughter is a ringer for someone else. You should present documentation in advance.

I am of the opinion since her father is in the picture the fact this is a second marriage may not be as secret as you think.
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amother






Post  Sun, Apr 21 2013, 6:50 pm
My kids from my first marriage, go by their father's surname. Their schools are aware of the situation and go along with what the kids want
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amother






Post  Mon, Apr 22 2013, 1:00 am
OP

I find it mean that someone liked the 5:13 post that didn't even start going into my situation. Is standing up for your child and trying to accommodate her considered silly nowadays?! Please be considerate before replying or before liking rude posts, if my opinion counts at all. My quesion was not that someone cares, my children do! And this is a new situation not connected with their school and normal situation. Sure thing nobody cares in dr's offices or passport control and I'm not talking about it. Can't even say how upset I am.

To amother 5:13. What you're thinking is what you're thinking. I know my situation and I know what's known. Please accept that for starters. Thank you for trying to be good to me in your second post.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2013, 3:07 pm
Honestly, OP, your post was very unclear and I still have no idea what you're saying.

I kept my father's surname after my mother remarried and there was nothing weird about it. Actually, I think it's weirder to change the name! How is it possible that no one knows about this? I don't understand.
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amother






Post  Mon, Apr 22 2013, 3:12 pm
oliveoil wrote:
Honestly, OP, your post was very unclear and I still have no idea what you're saying.

I kept my father's surname after my mother remarried and there was nothing weird about it. Actually, I think it's weirder to change the name! How is it possible that no one knows about this? I don't understand.


OP
DDs were not yet in school when I remarried, that's all. I'm speaking about their classmates, not about the oilom, you know. My eldest would like to skip the whole process of possible questioning and answering. I know she's not the only one in the whole school but I wouldn't want to ask anyone IRL how they're dealing with it.
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busydev









  


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2013, 3:23 pm
I dont think its confusing....

mr and mrs x got divorced. They had young children. Mrs. x remarried mr y. Mrs x became mrs. y. Her young children went to school known as shprintza y even tho LEGALLY her name is shprintza x.

now shprintza needs to take an exam. She will be called up as sprintza x and is afraid that her classmates will want to know why her name is x and not y since that is how they know her.

to OP you can try calling the org and see if they will work with you. otherwise I dont have any advice. Hug

I have relatives that are blended family and the children from the wifes first family go by x still. so its no issue to their classmates knowing. however they refer to themselves with the rest of the family as the y family.
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amother






Post  Mon, Apr 22 2013, 5:32 pm
Are you sure she's going to get called up, rather than just waiting in line to have her ID checked? How crowded will it be? Can she sit away from people she knows and maybe they won't notice what name was called when she went up?

If anyone asks, she could say she just went up when she heard her first name (this works better if her first name isn't so common) and that they didn't send her back. But this could come back to haunt her if it happens again.

Probably best to say something like "Weird, huh? That's what turned up on my birth certificate when I was born and I haven't gotten it changed." (Implying that it was just an error in paperwork.)
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busydev









  


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2013, 5:36 pm
thats true what previous amother said. if your talking about something like SATs then (at least where I took it) they dont call you up. you wait in line and give them your ids and they check it against the list.
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amother






Post  Sat, May 11 2013, 7:51 pm
Thank you busydev and last amother.
I called them and it turned out she's not going to be called out for her written test, just find her surname on the list and follow to her assigned desk. After that she is to register for her oral test where she may ask them to call her out by her first name which they normally do anyway (I was told). Wheew, an albatros off my neck but I couldn't do more.
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