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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2013, 7:25 am
I need some perspective on this issue, since my own feelings are coloring my opinions.
My sister and I share a wonderful cleaning lady on a particular day of the week. We only have her for a few hours, so when a neighbor told me she is looking for a cleaning lady, I gave her the number of mine. It fell into a routine where the cleaning lady works for two hours each for my sister and me, and my neighbor has her for five hours.
Comes before Pesach or other times when I need more hours from my cleaning lady, but I'm afraid to ask the neighbor for an extra hour or two because I know she'll blow up over it, and I can't risk ruining a relationship with a neighbor. It frustrates me, but I put up with it.
Now my sister's household grew, and she needs the cleaning lady for an additional hour each week. I asked my neighbor that since she has five hours and we only have two each, to give up an hour for my sister. She is giving me a hard time about it.
My question is this: Do my sister and I get priority over the cleaner's hours because we sort of "had her first," or is the neighbor now just as entitled to these five hours as we are?
It upsets me that I tried to do a mitzvah and a favor, and it keeps on coming back to bite me in the backside. I didn't realize how my freedom to add hours would be taken away. Am I wrong for thinking that I'm the one who should get first call on how many hours I would need?
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notshanarishona
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Tue, Jun 11 2013, 7:36 am
It is normal for ladies that clean to look for as many jobs as they can with people who need a lot of hours. It happens to be in this case you found her the second job but she could have just as well found other people on her own as when you recommended her you didn't need more hours.
You did your neighbor a favor recommending someone but I don't think that gives you a constant priority over here.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2013, 7:39 am
OP here.
My cleaner was not actively looking for a second job.
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jflower
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Tue, Jun 11 2013, 7:42 am
Why don't you ask the cleaning lady herself if it's possible for her to fit in more time in her weekly schedule?
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2013, 7:47 am
jflower wrote: | Why don't you ask the cleaning lady herself if it's possible for her to fit in more time in her weekly schedule? |
Her daily schedule is from 8-5, every day. She doesn't have extra hours.
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curlgirl
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Tue, Jun 11 2013, 7:55 am
The cleaning lady gets to decide if and when someone gets priority, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
Ask her directly if she'll give you more hours, it's really her decision, isn't it?
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2013, 7:58 am
curlgirl wrote: | The cleaning lady gets to decide if and when someone gets priority, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
Ask her directly if she'll give you more hours, it's really her decision, isn't it? |
Read above. She doesn't have more hours. She considers me her "boss" and always asks me first about schedule changes.
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curlgirl
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Tue, Jun 11 2013, 8:06 am
amother wrote: | curlgirl wrote: | The cleaning lady gets to decide if and when someone gets priority, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
Ask her directly if she'll give you more hours, it's really her decision, isn't it? |
Read above. She doesn't have more hours. She considers me her "boss" and always asks me first about schedule changes. |
So what's the problem? Just ask her, she'll take from the neighbor and give to you.
If the neighbor is angry, just shrug. It's not you who stole anything, an independent person decided who to work for when. She'll be risking losing the neighbor altogether, so it's really not so obvious that she'll agree.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2013, 8:09 am
curlgirl wrote: | amother wrote: | curlgirl wrote: | The cleaning lady gets to decide if and when someone gets priority, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
Ask her directly if she'll give you more hours, it's really her decision, isn't it? |
Read above. She doesn't have more hours. She considers me her "boss" and always asks me first about schedule changes. |
So what's the problem? Just ask her, she'll take from the neighbor and give to you.
If the neighbor is angry, just shrug. It's not you who stole anything, an independent person decided who to work for when. She'll be risking losing the neighbor altogether, so it's really not so obvious that she'll agree. |
That's my question, whether or not I'm "stealing" time from the neighbor if I ask. She probably won't lose the neighbor, and my impression is that even if she does, it won't terribly upset her.
Thank you for your answer.
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