Fear for my Teen | Imamother

Imaonwheels

Wed, Dec 06 2006, 6:02 am

[quote="Motek"]

Imaonwheels wrote:

Do they punish the parents or the kid? Where I grew up parents were fined and that did wonders in clearing up truancy.

Quote:

If you let them learn by consequences (don't bail them out) instead of punishment ...

Sounds contradictory. If you think fining parents is a good idea, how does that fit with letting the child learn by consequences and not bailing them out?

As for the idea of fining parents, I can see that makes sense if the child is five years old. But fifteen? Sounds absurd.

Fining the parents keeps them from passing the buck and not being active in helping their child. Where I grew up truant kids could be taken to an institution of various levels. By the time I was working for CW they didn't do that any more. The general SW attitude was its dumb to not get an education but not a crime, leave them alone, drag your feet until they're 18. Then neither the parents or the state can tell them what to do and you can close the case.

Learning by consequences would on the extreme side be the very unpleasant prospect of not finding a job or being accepted into higher ed. My bro was a goof off in school. He had brains but preferred to waste his time. At 20 he went to community college w/open enrollment and redid his mathematics. He then transferred to a known university and became an engineer. Two years of collecting grocery carts under the table for less than minimum wage did the trick.

This girl seems to be in distress about something. It could be a serious issue is bothering her that she is not yet found the person she feels comfortable to open up about it. It could be that she doesn't know what its all for. What is the purpose of everything she is being asked to do.;

Imaonwheels

Wed, Dec 06 2006, 6:13 am

Googled Kearny and got one article in a site about treating depression. I have a prob with lumping truancy from stress and fear from the school situation w/truancy based on the prfit of increased attention from parents and freedom from school responsibilities (rising early, classwork, social adjustment, etc.).

amother

Wed, Dec 06 2006, 2:29 pm

the truth is there are so many more complicated issues w/her that I can't really get into - the easier ones being that she was actually not going to school and one point but running amok and getting high and in serious trouble - so her staying at home even though truant - I feel relieved that at least she is not using substances the way she used to.

She has alot of talent and is actually quite brilliant - but like you said maybe the only consequence she'll really understand is in the future. I can only hope & pray that between now & then she puts herself together. That being said I know that I have done everything within my power to help her now she just has to help herself.

amother

Wed, Dec 06 2006, 4:43 pm

Imaonwheels wrote:

The issue he specializes in is school refusal, 4 main areas - stress avoidance; escaping painful/evaluative situations; attention; and pursuing tangible rewards outside of school

Some children fit more that one category. Mine was a combo of 2 and 4

All I know is, the process works.

amother

Thu, Dec 07 2006, 12:08 pm

I'm OP - just venting:

After my high-maintenance teenager (dif one) woke me up last night (looking to take heater out of my room - chutzpa) and talks to me about a bunch of nothing plus I needed to see if other teen okay ... I couldn't wake up this morning. So, when I see it's almost 7:30 am and my kid who does go to school needs to be woken up and she's invading my kitchen space for breakfast needs. I became a witch!!! How dare she not consider waking me (I always wake up early in morning 6:45) when she kept me up and knows my morning needs & oooh I have such a big headache and I'm grouchy now plus I have alot that I need to do with short shabbos tomorrow and too much snow and appointments, etc. Twisted Evil

amother

Wed, Jan 10 2007, 3:44 pm

The drama never ends...
My not so dd was supposed to be in court last week - guess what - the judge said there was a conflict of interest and moved the case to another judge (I think cause this is the same one that promised her 6 months in jail) So now that's 2 weeks away and not wanting her to go to jail. I call the school physchologist in special ed program make sure she knows I want an IEP meeting set up. I call the therapist makes sure she knows we need appt. Go to neuro - get medications. This way everything will be in place for court + she needs all this anyway. Have done this probably a zillion times in past 5 years. At what freakin point to I give up. I drove her to school mon - by the time I came out of shower suddenly she's back home. Didn't wake up for dr appt. Refused to go to therapy today. Now they won't see her anymore and said it was my fault "cause it's my responsibility" yeah right let's see what they do when I drag her there by force - tell me that I'm abusing her. So what the ____ should I do now!!!! Put her in a mental hospital. Let them arrest her. Continue to let her abuse me till I go crazy ... wait I think I already am.

So when is it that I'm supposed to be normal. When is it that I get to anything - nothing helps and I know nobody can help either cause I have been in this situation for too long and going ring around the rosy with all the supposedly right drs, programs, etc.....I'm tired of this Exclamation

amother

Mon, Jan 22 2007, 1:56 pm

Well the saga continues: I just came back from court w/d - yeah so she's on probation now and expected to go to school. I am the one who had to tell the school that she needed and IEP meeting to make sure that she gets the right help there. And now despite everything going more smooth than I though it would - it takes its toll on me. I'm drained completely, physically and emotionally. and with no promises that she will finally see the light. Her therapist through her out of their offices so I need to find another office - great.