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Forum
-> The Social Scene
-> Chit Chat
Is happiness a choice ?
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| Yes |
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76% |
[ 38 ] |
| No |
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10% |
[ 5 ] |
| Other, elucidate below ... |
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14% |
[ 7 ] |
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| Total Votes : 50 |
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Marigold
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 Wed, Jun 09 2010, 3:21 pm
| Mrs.K wrote: | | http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE |
Thanks for sharing that! I had tears in my eyes..wow!
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Mrs Bissli
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Wed, Jun 09 2010, 4:17 pm
If you're unhappy, (lack of) happiness is not (your) choice.
If you're happy, it is a choice.
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ora_43
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Wed, Jun 09 2010, 4:43 pm
| louche wrote: | | ora_43 wrote: | Sometimes.
There are many situations where people can make a choice to be happy, but that doesn't mean one can always be happy no matter what. (And sometimes it's davka better to be sad or angry (a time to laugh, a time to mourn... etc).) |
You have to differentiate between being happy right this second about whatever is going on right now, which is obviously neither possible nor appropriate (it would be most inappropriate to be happy at your parent's levaya, even if you had a choice, which under normal circumstances you don't) and between being a happy person in general. You can choose to be a happy person, meaning you look on the bright side, accentuate the positive, appreciate what you have, don't envy others, and refuse to wallow in negativity; or you can choose to be unhappy by doing the reverse. |
It's not just about single seconds of unhappiness. Sometimes it's entirely natural to have months or years of unhappiness, even for an optimist.
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ora_43
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Wed, Jun 09 2010, 4:45 pm
| Mrs Bissli wrote: | If you're unhappy, (lack of) happiness is not (your) choice.
If you're happy, it is a choice. |
How could it be a choice to be happy, but not a choice to be unhappy? If you can choose happiness but don't, by definition, you're choosing to be unhappy.
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smilethere
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Thu, Jun 10 2010, 6:31 am
| Mrs Bissli wrote: | If you're unhappy, (lack of) happiness is not (your) choice.
If you're happy, it is a choice. |
I think so too.
When I got married I decided I'm going to be ever ever so happy, have a wonderful life with my husband and kids bez"h, and this prompts me to work hard, and be happy.
However, what would be the situation if I would have a really nasty, abusive husband? Etc, I don't know if my optimism would be able to carry me through entirely negative situations.
Of course there are people that choose to be unhappy whatever life throws at them, but to be eternally happy, really deep down happy when life is miserable? I don't know.
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mazeltov
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Thu, Jun 10 2010, 5:25 pm
Happiness is NOT always a choice. sometimes it could be chosen, but not always.
it's not always possible to choose to be happy. it depends on the situation.
some people find it easy, or not to difficult, to be happy.
some people struggle immensely to be happy, and don't necessarily achieve the happiness.
it depends on the person's inborn nature as well as the environmental circumstances, as well as the tools available to them.
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Mrs Bissli
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Fri, Jun 11 2010, 8:15 am
What I meant with happiness as a choice was this:
Let's say someone is in a rather enviable position objectively speaking. Say, good health, good children, loving and caring spouse, no worries on parnasa. But he/she may choose to be grumpy and unhappy because of a trivial thing, say the house is smaller and shabbier than their neighbors, got a mean boss, in-laws nagging, etc. So I meant you can be either happy or decide not to be happy, depending on whether one focuses on good or bad aspects of life.
On the other hand, it is very difficult to consider yourself happy if you're objectively in very difficult situations: say, no jobs, shalom bais going down the hill, kids getting sick, having problem with shiduch, worrying about losing a plae to live, and a big credit card debt... I don't think you have much choice but to be rather unhappy.
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sequoia
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Fri, Jun 11 2010, 8:17 am
| Mrs Bissli wrote: |
On the other hand, it is very difficult to consider yourself happy if you're objectively in very difficult situations: say, no jobs, shalom bais going down the hill, kids getting sick, having problem with shiduch, worrying about losing a plae to live, and a big credit card debt... I don't think you have much choice but to be rather unhappy. |
Exactly.
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louche
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Fri, Jun 11 2010, 8:39 am
| sequoia wrote: | | Mrs Bissli wrote: |
On the other hand, it is very difficult to consider yourself happy if you're objectively in very difficult situations: say, no jobs, shalom bais going down the hill, kids getting sick, having problem with shiduch, worrying about losing a plae to live, and a big credit card debt... I don't think you have much choice but to be rather unhappy. |
Exactly. |
au contraire. It would be difficult, but not impossible. Surely you all know the story of the man who asked the Mezeritcher Maggid how it is possible to bless the KBH for the bad things in life as well as the good. The Maggid instructed the man to ask Rabbi Zusha of Anipoli.
The man went to Rabbi Zusha's and found him in a terrible state, house a shambles, in deepest poverty and illness. When he asked Rabbi Zusha how it's possible to bless the KBH for the bad as well as the good, Rabbi Zusha looked at him in confusion and said, "But my good sir, how would I know? Nothing bad ever happened to me!"
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sequoia
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Fri, Jun 11 2010, 8:52 am
I not only know that story, that is one of my favorite reb Zusha stories!
However, most people are not on that level. When I can't find a job or have other difficulties, plus the biological element of depression, I feel unhappy.
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louche
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Fri, Jun 11 2010, 9:07 am
| sequoia wrote: | I not only know that story, that is one of my favorite reb Zusha stories!
However, most people are not on that level. When I can't find a job or have other difficulties, plus the biological element of depression, I feel unhappy. |
So would most people. However, OP didn't ask "are you happy when things go badly?"; she asked "Is happiness a choice?" Yes, it is. Not everyone is on a level to choose happiness, but it's still a choice. Just as LH or no LH is a choice. Not everyone is capable of observing the laws to the full...in fact, I wonder if anyone is capable of doing so...but it is nevertheless a choice.
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sequoia
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Fri, Jun 11 2010, 9:12 am
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Depression is an illness, it's not an absence of bitachon or emunah.
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Happy 2B
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Mon, Oct 21 2013, 10:56 am
I know this is old but Wow!
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