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Is this a reasonable request??
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Bruria




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2013, 11:47 pm
Maybe you can be honest with her? I don't know how close you are, but if you are close you can tell her how usually your meals go and that you can't afford that much meat per week, if it is OK for her to eat more ground beef and vegetables for example?
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 1:30 am
I think I am a terrible host. If someone who was staying for *2 weeks* told me that, I'd say, "well, it sounds like you eat plenty of variety; I am sure you can find what to eat among our regular meals" and leave it at that.

Okay, maybe if I'm making chicken, for example, I'd set aside a portion before I patchked with it too much and contaminated it with any sauces/condiments.

"Only organic cold pressed olive oil"?? Give me a break. Maybe I have that, maybe I don't, but it's not reasobale to expect your host to buy that for you and cook exclusively using this. This is my home, not Spago's.
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ChutzPAh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 11:50 am
Cook the way you normally do for your own family and make her her own food. I don't know how much chicken costs where you live, but I pay about $10 a chicken. If you prepare her a quarter for each meal that's only 2.50/dinner. She can eat the sides like salad that you make for your family.
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kjb




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 12:17 pm
Actually, to answer your original question, yes it IS (in part) an unreasonable request. There is no dietary intolerance, physical condition, slimming regime or allergy on the PLANET that requires you to attach that many adjectives to your olive oil.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 12:29 pm
I think the last thing in the world you should do is lose sight of hachnosas orchim based on food rations ...

a person remembers pettiness over food that leaves a bitter taste on the palate

get a small bottle of cold pressed extra virgin olive oil [it's healthy tasty & always kosher - even sans the ou - so you can find an inexpensive brand], tons of veggies and eggs and add a little chicken, cans of tuna and other things within reason I.e. yogurts, fruit, nuts ...

before you scratch out yogurt there are many people who don't eat dairy that still eat yogurts due to their acidophilus being able to balance out the digestive system

needing protein every day is different than demanding meat every day - you might have understood her wrong ... also I don't think she was making demands as much as she was making you aware of her eating habits ...

tizku l'mitzvos
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 12:32 pm
I'm the type who says "don't bother buying a kosher chicken I'll take bread and butter"... everything is cultural I would be mortified to dare being so demanding.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 1:01 pm
Obviously some of you really have no idea what diets one has to go on because of disease. Unfortunately I do.
Firsthand.
She is lucky that she can even have the oil. I can't.
Cold pressed organic olive oil is the only kind that is considered pretty safe from pesticide contamination.
Many people with malignancies, autoimmune disease and various chronic diseases etc. eat similar diets. Others, like me, aren't so lucky and can't even eat a lot of what she eats.

Yes this is a very reasonable request of the OP if the OP invited her in the first place. She isn't there for one day where she can choose to fast if there is nothing she can eat, two weeks - which as the OP states isn't a pleasure trip but obviously have something to do with treating illness or work or the like - isn't a period of time one can eat "bread and butter" as Ruchel said. Hence the food list.

There is only one real problem, the expense, otherwise it's pretty easy for those of us who are used to eating like that. Because people who have more money than the OP don't have to spread their proteins for dinner with carbs but can have a full protein dinner, a full carb side, and vegetables etc. all separate which would give the guest what to eat. But if money is the issue, can you ask if she can contribute financially? If your family isn't used to eating like that it means that you have to prepare special food, no way around it. In fact as so many people are used to slathering their food with condiments during the cooking there is probably a good chance there is absolutely nothing that you serve that she could eat. I'm used to this and that's why I never eat out of my own home.

So here's a suggestion. Make up a big pot of chicken soup with the vegetables she is allowed and of course check if she means spices along with condiments and if not, you can add salt, garlic powder, paprika, curcumin etc. Freeze in individual portions of soup for the 14 days. Then roast three chickens plain, quarter and freeze. You have 12 days of meals. If she can't have carbs does that include quinoa? lentils? you can make up a big batch as a side that will last three or four days and you then have to make four such batches, cut up some vegetables for a fresh salad and voila. You have what to serve her for dinner for the whole two weeks. The price is the cost of four chickens (one for the soup), vegetables, quinoa/ lentils, and fresh salad.

Now for breakfast. Does she eat starchy fruit such as banana? If so give her a fresh cut up apple and banana and, if she drinks it, organic soy milk. That's my breakfast every day, a banana and a cup of organic soy milk.

For lunch she can have an omlette and cooked or baked veg. Does she eat sweet potato? Also if she can't eat the egg yolks (I can't) you can make a nice omlette with just whites.

Yeah it's a hassle but as you said, she isn't "just someone" but someone important to you and just be grateful that you don't have her health issues. If the issue is not being able to afford the two dozen eggs and the four chickens and it is for her health, one possibility is to ask her to chip in, and if you can't to consider asking a Rov if this is someone that you are helping her health by doing so, if you are allowed to use some of your maaser money to pay for her specific food. If so, that would solve the finances problem and just leave the time and effort that you would have to put into preparing the special food for her. Again, if you do it in bulk and the quinoa and veg four times during her stay, you need around four hours total for all of it including the soup and chicken. Do you think your time with her is worth an investment of four hours?

And don't worry about feeding her the same thing every day. That's what we do around here. We eat almost the same thing every day of the week, including shabbos. Just this Friday nite I said to dh "doesn't it bother you eating the same food from the week on shabbos?" and what did he answer, the zaddik (the health issues are both of ours but the real limitations are mine), "just the opposite - I get to eat shabbos food every day, how wonderful!"

But in truth the special food is the challah, which is only on shabbos, at least I can eat plain whole grain carbs as long as nothing is on them...
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 1:23 pm
I agree that if you are already hosting her, you should go all the way with the mitzvah and prepare food the way she eats it. A few posters gave suggestions on how to save money on proteins, and on how to prepare it all in minimal time.

It might be best to clarify the details with her before she arrives. Her saying, "oh, I'm easy" can only lead to misunderstandings and frustration later on.

Her request is reasonable because this is the way she eats for her health.

I'll tell you what bothers me - when people who are on very restricted diets and basically "don't eat anything" take up seats at simchas I make. I'm paying for their portion because they're sitting (that's what the caterers charge for) and it's totally going to waste. Not sure what the solution is, because if they're my friends of course I want to invite them.


Last edited by Isramom8 on Mon, Nov 04 2013, 1:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 1:25 pm
Do health issues force you to have virgin cold pressed whatever etc?
Health issues would be more like: I CANNOT eat x, y, z. Or, I have anaemia I need (whatever).

As a migrainer I certainly know how hard it is. I still don't burden people unless I pay them! I do with what I can eat.

Of course if really all this is medical, then it's medical. But shouldn't it be the first thing she says? and when it comes to needing a more medical diet, I don't find it fair to expect it without contributing to it.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 3:04 pm
Ruchel there are health diets for various illnesses that definitely say to have a tablespoon a day of cold pressed organic virgin or extra virgin oil, necessary for digestion, or various other health issues.

there are many different kinds of health issues that dictate what a person can or can't eat. It's a lot more complicated than what you describe.
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bluebird




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 4:04 pm
Could you tell her that you'd like to accommodate, but aren't sure what you could make as you usually don't cook like that? Maybe you can come up with a mutually a acceptable meal plan together. In that situation, I wouldn't mind eating the same thing for two or three meals if needed. I'm a fairly strict vegetarian so I have to balance being able to eat without asking too much of my hosts.

I'd also ask her to bring any special ingredients. Just let her know that you don't keep those things around.

I think this isn't reasonable bass solely on what you wrote, but that it should be easy to come to a reasonable accommodation.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 4:09 pm
She can't expect you to pay for a no-carb diet, it's insanely expensive. We'd all love to eat like that but we have to stretch meat. If she's not well off how on earth does she afford it at home?
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mandksima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 4:26 pm
Well, OP, I understand your guest's request as I eat the same way (not my whole family though) and really would not be able to veer off. I would feel it after one meal. I would get really sick as I am used to eating a very clean way. I am not a guest often and when I am, I bring food with me to the meal so I know I can eat part of it. At a simcha, once in a while, I will chose foods that seem the most harmless but there is no way I would eat gluten, dairy or legumes. The problem is that you said your friend doesn't have the money. Still she has money to eat the way she needs to (yes, this is not always a choice if one wishes to feel good) so she should be able to help out as much as she would expect to pay for her own groceries at home. If I were you, I would ask the guest to bring her oil and some protein with her and I would cook the meals and just tell her outright that I just can't afford it otherwise. You don't have to do that but definitely don't resent her then as you choose not to say anything.

It is funny because cooking this way is just like on Pesach with a few adjustments. It doesn't seem so hard but most people would be feeling put out if having to do that when it is not Pesach. I usually have a lot of veggies and a bit of protein and a good quality fat. So, a big salad with 1/2 piece of sliced grilled chicken or 1/2 can tuna and 1 sliced boiled egg is great. A nice veggie soup and shakshooka or egg drop soup (no MSG/soy etc) and a simple stir fry. A few meatballs with zucchini noodles. Does she eat sweet potatoes? A veggie frittata is good. It really isn't too expensive unless veggies around you are pricey but it does take a lot of work which I could see being the biggest problem. There are not many shortcuts to super clean eating.

I would definitely feed her seperately from the kids at the meal if you are serving them pasta and rice, etc. It is just easier. Telling them about her diet and not to bother her for her food is a good idea too. I don't think kids will be the issue. If it were me, even I would feel put out because I am used to cooking so small scale and will eat whatever I have around. I don't always get to cook myself whole meals so it seems like this will be a lot of work. I would feel funny giving a guest like that what I am eating so I would feel obligated to cook real food nonstop. That would be so hard. I agree to let her do a lot of the preparing.
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Shana_H




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 4:40 pm
If I were going to be staying with a "friend" for an extended period of time, the first two things I would ask for would be a shelf in her fridge and directions to the nearest supermarket, I would never expect that my host should make "other" food for me, I'd eat from what was prepared for the family and add to it from my stash in her fridge.
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Ima_Shelli




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2013, 6:04 pm
Wow, you're all so nice! I can barely make dinner for my own family, never mind a guest who's there for two weeks with dietary restrictions. I don't think I could do it at all. You're all really nice for trying. Kudos to you.

It's hard enough when we have a Shabbos guest who wants, say, gluten-free vegan food or something. Beyond one meal I would flat out refuse. Depending on how much I trust her I might give her access to my kitchen to cook herself food. But that's where it would end. It would just be too much for me to handle.
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 05 2013, 11:41 am
I just microwaved kohlrabi slices in a little oil for five minutes, and wrapped them in lettuce leaves. I can't begin to tell you how delicious and filling they were. A kohlrabi and two lettuce leaves can be an inexpensive and satisfying side dish.
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