How to motivate kids to and clean up and not make mess?

amother

Mon, Jan 20 2014, 6:48 am

My house is a constant mess. I clean up and the kids make a mess. My kids are not so young - I have school age kids and a preschooler and baby. I ask them over and over to clean up their room - they will do it once in a blue moon but to get them to do it daily is impossible even if it will just take 5 min if not so messy.
My kids make a mess - they have no concept of enjoying a clean house - it is easier just to leave things on the floor then put things away.
By nature I am messy and not very organized but an extreme mess does bother me. If a few things are left out I can handle that.
I tell them they can only eat in the kitchen but they bring food all the time to the computer and get crumbs on the carpet. The older kids do not liek vacuuming just the younger ones who do not really get the place clean when they vacuum.

I have a cleaner once a week for three hours. Sometimes I feel what is the point of cleaning if the kids are going to make a mess again.

I find an hour a day is not enough time for me to straighten up after them. By the time they come home from school and extra curricular activities, for the 2 oldest, I feel bad bothering them to clean as they have a long hard day in school and need to relax.

ON sunday when I try to tell them we wont go out on a trip or somewhere fun it they ay we will rather not clean and not go out. Any advice on how to motivate my kids to clean? The only thing that works sometimes is point charts or bribing them with food.

AlwaysGrateful

Mon, Jan 20 2014, 11:14 am

I hate cleaning. My kids are younger than yours (two preschoolers and a baby), so take what I say with a grain of salt. But if you have a rule in your house that you can't take food out of the kitchen, and your kids take food out of the kitchen and crumb up the house, there's got to be some sort of consequence in place. Right?

As for them actually cleaning up their messes -- can you sit down with the older ones and talk with them about it? I would chose one of two topics, either 1) making messes or 2) chores.

Chores is easier. You let them pick from a list of chores that need to be done, including vacuuming, washing the kitchen floor, whatever. Have them select a time that they'll be doing that chore (once a week on Sundays, on Eruv Shabbos, or once a day after dinner). Then you need to hold them to that. I realize that they have a busy day and you feel bad, so make sure to ask them to do only that which you think is fair to them. Vaccuming a few rooms on Thursday night isnt' a crazy thing to ask for. Either is cleaning up their own room twice a week.

Making messes is tough because some people really don't see the messes. I think that making them responsible for the messes they make is more helpful. You can sit with them, tell them the problem that you have, and brainstorm solutions. Have an open mind, and try out theirs. See what happens.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Jan 20 2014, 11:15 am

Each one should have an age appropriate chart for everyday cleanup. There should be a daily incentive to complete the chart, for example if they usually get computer/iPad time it can only happen if that child finishes her chart. Forget special prizes, use what they already want on a daily basis.

hop613

Mon, Jan 20 2014, 12:48 pm

Some things that may help:

purge purge purge: really look at all the toys around. Get rid of anything that is not played with. Things that have a lot of pieces that just get dumped and ignored - get rid of them. Donate the toys to someone else. Try to keep only the toys and things that are played with.

The other thing is to make sure that everything has a place. It is much easier to clean up when you know where everything goes.

Create a 10 minute a day clean up time for the whole family. 10 minutes is pretty manageable. Put on music for 10 minutes and have everyone pick up a little bit. It won't be perfect, but it should help things from getting completely out of control.

Mrs Bissli

Sat, Jan 25 2014, 6:18 pm

My school age children get "performance bonus" (ie extra pocket money) if they keep their rooms tidy and fold their laundry. DS recently asked me how much we're paying our cleaning lady, and thoughtfully asked how much he can get paid if he decides to clean the bathroom. I'm a big believer in incentivisation.

PAMOM

Sat, Jan 25 2014, 7:07 pm

What Mrs. Bissli said. Also, there really do need to be consequences. Examples: you make a list of a few basic keep- the- house clean rules and put them on the frig. You tell the kids what the consequences will be in a calm, no threatening tone. Then if you need to spend an extra hour cleaning a child's room, that child gets told "no, sorry " when she next asks you to do something that will take extra time for you. You just quietly point out why you can't do if. Toys left out by kids old enough to dump them into the toy chest or closet get quietly taken away for a week. You don't yell or make a scene, just tell them after school the next day, " By the way, since you left toys out,..." If you're like me, you'll feel
much more in control and the kids will realize within a week or so that you're serious . Just be sure that the consequences logically fit their actions-- nothing like " no bicycle riding because there are crumbs on the computer table." No computer time would fit though.

nechamad

Sat, Jan 25 2014, 7:37 pm

I also do the "10 minute tidy" and it's pretty effective. Also, if I tell them to clean up a room it's overwhelming, but if I ask one to put the Legos away, one to put the dolls away, etc, it's not as hard. That being said, it's often pretty messy around here. I keep telling myself that I'll miss it when they're all grown up!

amother

Sat, Jan 25 2014, 7:42 pm

Since my kids could not handle cleaning up their toys, even after I organized them over and over beautifully in labeled bins, I got rid of most of them. I told them that when they start taking care of their things and keeping their bedrooms and playroom neat, they can have more toys again. Am I a mean mom? Maybe. But I'm happier and the kids have not once complained they are bored with nothing to do so it's working well for us.

bubbebia

Sat, Jan 25 2014, 9:18 pm

No one really enjoys cleaning. At least most of us don't. It is an overwhelming task if we let it get out of hand. And there is no reason we cannot enlist our children in helping to maintain the order in the house. "Everyone in the family has tasks to do around the house to make our family work properly".

To start with, the 10 minute rule is a good one. Assign a simple task to each child that can easily be completed in 10 minutes. Make it into a game of sorts. Let's see how many of you can finish your tast in 10 minutes. Set the timer. Yell, "go". Keep a chart. For every kid who completes their task in the allotted 10 minutes give them a star on a chart. For every 10 stars, they can have a special treat like an ice cream cone. And if you have a "no food out of the kitchen" rule you need to enforce it. Either take away the food or take away the computer. They can't have both at the same time.

With children who are a little older you can do a chore wheel or slips of paper in a bowl each with a task on it. Let them pick out their task and then let them go do it. As my kids got older, each of my kids found a task that they preferred over the others to prep for Shabbos, so that was their weekly erev Shabbos job. Things like setting or clearing the table were not negotiable tasks. If you were assigned to do it, you did it.

Starting now to get things straightened out will only help in the future. Stay strong and don't cave to their whining. It will work.

Bruria

Sat, Jan 25 2014, 10:49 pm

Have a sticker chart, so each time they clean up they get a sticker.
Or offer a yummy dessert in case they clean up!
Also, make a rule that they can only use another toy if they put the first one away. And when they do, sticker, or a yummy snack, that should keep them motivated!
Good Luck!

momx6

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 12:14 am

amother wrote:

I like your style! I do the same!