Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Working Women -> Work at Home Mothers
What to do with a DH that is home all day with me



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother


 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 1:24 pm
I started to work from home answering phone calls and returning phone calls for a doctors office.
My husband is home because he is in between jobs now and is too lazy to find more work or go back to school to improve his skills.
I am busy and want to be professional but he is always hanging around bored and wants my attention. I have been telling him that even though I am sitting at my kitchen table I am still working.
I cant move to another room because my computer and everything I need is in the kitchen.
I dont really know what I should do. The doctors office is too far for me to go in everyday and working at home is ideal for me.
Any solutions?
Back to top

iamamother




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 1:28 pm
have him do the errands! LOL
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 1:33 pm
Oh my gosh, are you me?

Have him do all the grocery shopping, send him to the post office, pick up the dry cleaning, give him chores to do, make a list of all the housework you do and just hand it to him! He may find that "being you" is not so much fun, and that getting a "real job" would be easier.

Other than that, you're going to have to sit down with him when you're not working, and lay out some clear boundaries and house rules. During your work hours, you are NOT available for chit chat. He needs to pretend you are not home. You cannot fix him a cup of coffee or a sandwich, or discuss what's in the news, or anything like that. You must be firm, because the second you give in, he'll be back to hanging around you all the time.

Every time DH tries to engage me in conversation, my response is always "I'm working!". End of sentence. It doesn't always work, but it does help.

Hug

If you come up with some brilliant ideas, I'd love to hear them!
Back to top

Beyla




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 1:41 pm
Maybe you can "make" your office in an other place where you have a computer? Do you know someone who would let you a room? Quiet and empty?

I used to learn in my grandmother's living room, she let me a table and I had a computer and a phone there.
Back to top

TwinsMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 1:58 pm
my husband is in education--- this is us all summer. I make specific lunch dates with him. I give him post office/ bank/ grocery store errands to run. other than that, he learns, naps, works out, and does 50% of the daycamp runs. Although this year we're prob going to send to 2 diff camps so he'll do 100% of one camp and I'll do 100% of the other.

An idea---- a daycamp for bored husbands who want attention! We'll hire a wife to dote on them while we all make money. Smile
Back to top

penguin




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 2:29 pm
Quote:
- a daycamp for bored husbands who want attention! We'll hire a wife to dote on them while we all make money.
I can just see the repercussions...

Dear Imamother,
Ever since DH started this new day camp, he doesn't seem to take any interest in me....

He doesn't eat the lunch I prepared for him, and I don't even think he read the love note I put in his lunch box.....
Back to top

Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 2:42 pm
Big, thick, padded, earphones over the phone ear-buds, and a glazed expression. A sweet but vague smile, and a hand gesture toward the yummy lunch in the slow-cooker, but no conversation?

Or create a Beis Midrash in the other room? Invite one or two men to come study with your husband in the other room? Make the bed and have a desk with chairs and a good lamp. Or, in the living room.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 4:30 pm
OP here.

I guess I am not alone. It is totally frustrating.

My DH wont do the errands that he feels are not necessary he will only go shopping for items he feels we should eat not caring about the rest of the family. Will not touch the laundry or cleaning. Doctor appt. is my job. Sometimes he just wonders the house or stands over me.

I love the idea of a husband daycare.
Back to top

Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 4:35 pm
Take a civil, professionally credible, hiatus from this work. When there is no money he will go get some?
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 4:50 pm
rosarosa wrote:
Maybe you can "make" your office in an other place where you have a computer? Do you know someone who would let you a room? Quiet and empty?

I used to learn in my grandmother's living room, she let me a table and I had a computer and a phone there.


I tried this. I remodeled the extra bedroom into a lovely office for DH, with all of his seforim, a desk and chair, file cabinets, etc.

He still shleps his laptop to the dining room table (6 feet from my desk). I get that he wants to be near me, but UGH! I need my personal space!

Our biggest problem is that he's a very chatty extrovert with tons of energy, and I'm a very quiet introvert. I'm trying to manage a chronic illness that makes me exhausted all the time. I'm not sure how we're going to work this out.

Avraham and Sarah had it all figured out - separate tents!
Back to top

SJcookie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 4:57 pm
With the risk of getting stoned on here for this suggestion, encourage him to go to the Bet Midrash & learn Torah.
Back to top

Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 5:07 pm
SJcookie wrote:
With the risk of getting stoned on here for this suggestion, encourage him to go to the Bet Midrash & learn Torah.


Well, yes.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 5:15 pm
SJcookie wrote:
With the risk of getting stoned on here for this suggestion, encourage him to go to the Bet Midrash & learn Torah.


DH learns every moment that he's not working (works from home). He has the Otzer Chochma on a disc drive, so he has pretty much ever sefer known to mankind at his fingertips. He's never been the type to enjoy having a havrusa, so if he gets stuck on a point he just picks up the phone and calls someone.

B'H that he loves to learn, but what drives me crazy is that he talks to himself while he does it. He'll repeat a phrase a few times, rolling it around in his mouth, or he'll say "Oh, I see. I see!" and "That is so interesting!" Which then leads him to want to share with me what he just figured out.

I do make a point of setting aside a big block of time for him in the afternoon/evening when I'm done working, so we can just shmooze and talk about what he's learned, what's in the news, plans for the future, etc. (OK, he does 9/10ths of the talking. LOL )
Back to top

lubaussie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 7:34 pm
amother wrote:
OP here.

I guess I am not alone. It is totally frustrating.

My DH wont do the errands that he feels are not necessary he will only go shopping for items he feels we should eat not caring about the rest of the family. Will not touch the laundry or cleaning. Doctor appt. is my job. Sometimes he just wonders the house or stands over me.

I love the idea of a husband daycare.


It sounds like you have a bigger issue than just the work disturbance.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 9:00 pm
op here.

Yes I do have more than" he just wants to be with me" , there is a lot of shalom bayis issues going on but that is a whole other topic.

Today I had so much work to do but he was not feeling well and all he wanted me to do was sit with him and listen to him talk, and when I told him I had work to do he said that he is more important and he was lonely. Yes he is very immature.

He does go out to learn a bit but not for the whole day because he is" busy looking for a job".
Back to top

amother


 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 9:48 pm
Had this with DH years ago when he was looking for a job. It was insecurity. Once he got a job he stopped being clingy and annoying.

I noticed that the more annoyed with him I got (because he wasn't being proactive about his job search AT ALL), the more he needed my attention.
Back to top

strawberry cola




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 10 2014, 9:50 pm
Therapy- for the two of you- is in order. Now!
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 11 2014, 12:21 pm
strawberry cola wrote:
Therapy- for the two of you- is in order. Now!


Why? The dh needs to find a job. Is there anyone you know that can get him off his behind and into the workforce?
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 11 2014, 2:25 pm
If a dh does not want to get off his backside and join the workforce of his own accord, he won't. I should know, I have been married to one for nearly twenty years. Has never worked a full day in his life and only at menial, low paying jobs. Yes he needs help, therapy and probably has add, but if he won't help himself, noone can do it for him.
Sorry, I have no advice, but I will say that I regret not leaving him years ago. I always hoped he would grow up eventually, now I know he never will.
Yes, I am bitter...
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Working Women -> Work at Home Mothers