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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions

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Rubber Ducky

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 9:02 am

Wishing Mazel Tov is a good start.

This varies by community, but the biggest difficulty many geirim face after conversion is the lack of extended frum family. BT's have the same problem. Most will appreciate regular Shabbos and YomTov invitations.

amother

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 11:22 am

* I am the OP of this question...

First of all, I want to thank all of you for taking the time to answer!
Many of you have hit upon the exact issues that I had for asking this question:
I want to say the right thing, without being unintentionally tactless.
I am not so close with the family, but see them around school etc.
They are extremely private people, but also always polite and appropriate.
They have a child in my childs class at school, and the school made a big deal when the boy came to school the day after the conversion. It was noticible because the boy is now countable for minyan, whereas before he was not. Also, they have all taken on hebrew first names, as well as a hebrew family name. (Mentioning this to show that this is all very prominent).
In terms of the challah suggestions: Either way, that is not going to happen, cause I don't do challas myself! On a good week, I defrost and rise a braided frozen challah and bake it Wink

As people have mentioned, this family has been completely immersed in frumkeit for a long time. Definitely over a year, so it's not like they suddenly have all these new ideas thrust on them!

So in conclusion... I think the invitation for a shabbos or yomtov is a great idea. Also, I like the idea of shalach manos on Purim. I think that is one holiday that often gets overlooked for new families.

Thanks again for all your help!

amother

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 11:35 am

another giyoret here,

the less you bring it up the better. I (and I'm assuming most of us) are very private about this and only share it with a few select close people. I would feel very uncomfortable with someone specifically making challah with me or doing a mitzva with me, because I would feel like I'm being observed or something.

I think the invitations to meals is best and don't bring it up unless they do Smile

Isramom8

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 11:36 am

I can hear not making the biggest embarrassing deal but still being welcoming.

On the topic of assuming people are ignorant, it can be sweet not to assume knowledge from anyone. I once asked a well known rebbetzin for certain information, and she not only translated the Hebrew into English, but she spelled out each Hebrew word! Lol, I'm married to a rabbi and I've lived in Israel for a bazillion years. But it was kind of her to make sure that I was given all the info without having to admit I didn't understand it, in case I didn't.

Ruchel

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 1:33 pm

Gerus exam involves questions that I don't even understand.

Do not patronize, and they may NOT want to be "the newcomers" and raved about. When I became FTB I would have hated special treatment.

amother

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 1:47 pm

I'm a BT. I was really annoyed when people assumed I didn't know how to cook, just because I didn't grow up frum, and wanted to teach me how to bake challah. I did appreciate that people wanted to help me, but I do know how to cook! And you don't need a whole series of tutorials to separate challah. A Shabbos invitation is always nice.

Ruchel

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 2:09 pm

LOL! and my grandmother raised frum hardly knew how to cook "normal" dishes, outside if the traditional Sefardic dishes for shabbes and holidays. Like she can struggle on a steak and potatoes.
People have stereotypes...

kjb

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 3:08 pm

Well, it IS a big deal and a cause for celebration. You don't have to hover or treat them like idiots, but nothing wrong with celebrating with them on this really important milestone. By all means invite them for a shabbos meal and make it a celebration of their inclusion in the Jewish family. But why not do something that shows how much you respect them as 100% jews and trust their ability to keep halacha by inviting the wife, say, to join in a rota making kosher meals for new mums?

Ruchel

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 3:12 pm

They may not want to celebrate with strangers or acquaintances, or for it to be a milestone. Some felt Jewish from start and actually even resented having to convert. Others are very private about it. I'm just saying. I have never heard of such practice (I taught gerim and BTs in another life when I had more time and brain cells Wink

)

amother

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 5:34 pm

As a gioyret, I would have been mortified at being publicly welcomed in such a way. As others have suggested, keep in mind that gerim don't have frum family, so invitations and help when family would normally pitch in is invaluable. It's not a big symbolic welcome, but it means a lot more. I don't know where I would be without my friends who helped me make a bris, upsherin, etc.

sequoia

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 5:38 pm

You could be like, hey, pour me some wine...

SRS

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 5:44 pm

Ask a Rav if you feel moved to do something. There was a wife who converted and people want to make a kiddush for them to celebrate and the Rav said it violated reminding a convert of her background.

greenfire

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 6:00 pm

just get them a stamp for their forehead

finallyamommy

Tue, Mar 11 2014, 6:32 am

sequoia wrote:

You could be like, hey, pour me some wine...

YES! I forgot about that. That was also a big deal and exciting the first few times. Just use common sense about who else is around who may or may not know....

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