Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
WWYD - found note my son wrote to his principal about parent
Previous  1  2



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 4:49 pm
As hurtful as his note may feel to you, you should be proud that your son is reaching out to a responsible adult role model for help. The very fact that he's reaching out means he wants to have a better relationship with you. If he didn't believe he could have a better relationship with you, he wouldn't bother to try to address the problem with another adult. Manipulative kids have a very hard time asking for help, and when they do, they can sometimes turn to the wrong people. So it's a good sign that he is asking for help from a positive role model in his life! You taught him right on that!

Did you consider calling the rebbe and talking to him first, before your son gets there? Tell the rebbe you don't want your son to know you saw the note, but this way you can have the first say (so you'll worry less about how the rebbe might perceive you later), and also to help give the rebbe and you more ideas about how to help your son.

Your son sounds kind of like me when I was little. Except I never reached out for help as a kid, and my problems got worse and worse and worse over the years. Thankfully, I eventually did reach out for help and now I'm a well-adjusted wife and mother (well, as much as anyone can be).

If he's anything like I was (though it could be other things): It sounds to me like your son feels empty inside, and doesn't know how to fill himself. So he demands more and more attention, special treats, and more control over everything. But it's really an emotional emptiness and so he feels that he doesn't get filled up from any love/attention you give him either. But really, part of it might be that he's really extra sensitive and has been 'hurt' enough times in the past (possibly by you (which happens to all parents), or by other kids in school, or by siblings, or who knows what), that he has closed himself off without being aware of it and can't let in the love that he needs to fill the emptiness inside. This may have nothing to do with your behavior, because if that's where he's at, you could give him every minute of your day and it would never be enough to fill him if he can't let the love in. But he may not be aware of it so he feels the problem is on your end (though it could be a combination of his problems and yours/your husbands. This was the case for me growing up).

Anyway, let your son take the lead in getting himself some help and you and he can both be in touch with his rebbe. I also second that a psychologist can do wonders for this kind of thing (it did for me!!), both individually for your son and or family sessions with your son and you and your husband. Another idea, is that if your husband is unavailable a lot, is that you find a 'big brother' for your son (the rebbe might be able to help you here). This can do wonders in providing extra attention, boost self-confidence, and allow your son to re-learn how to let people in, provide him with a positive male role model who is available for him, and they can learn together too.

Good luck!!
Back to top
Page 2 of 2 Previous  1  2 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
My son is infuriating and miserable to be around
by amother
28 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 3:42 pm View last post
How to parent toddler instead of potching
by amother
27 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:28 pm View last post
MM for high school principal
by amother
2 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 9:21 pm View last post
My 4 yo daughter is difficult to parent, any advice please?
by amother
15 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 9:13 pm View last post
Principal on purim
by amother
3 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 9:39 am View last post