"Did you "forget" to give Mishloach Manot to so-and-so?"

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 11:10 pm

(Posting anon since I already vented to a friend about this.....)

This afternoon (while I was resting after yesterday's festivities) I had a neighbor knock on my door and ask me if I forgot to give mishloach manot to her daughter.

I didn't forget. I sent to the mother through my kids, and told them to say that it was for both her and her daughter. (They both live in my building, but in separate apartments.)

Maybe my kids forgot to say so. I'm not sure. I am so hurt and frustrated.
Who would say such a thing? Why?

What would you do? I spent more $ than I should have giving to as many neighbors and friends as I could. I am exhausted and overwhelmed, and then I get this horribly nasty comment.
I desperately want shalom.

Jewishmofm

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 11:19 pm

That is so hard- putting in all the work and $ to please many people, and then this. Frankly, as much as I love my kids, I don't trust them an inch. I would send any special instructions by note next time.

chatz

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 1:00 am

sorry, but I am DONE with obligatory shaloch manos. The mitzvah is to be happy and to give 1 person. There is no mitzvah to run yourself ragged giving everyone, her neighbor, and aunt.

I have no idea why this neighbor was bringing this up. Who sits and compares notes after Purim if so and so gave you but not me?

just vent and ignore once it's out of your system.

seeker

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 1:17 am

Sounds like she has social or emotional issues. Don't take it so personally, let it go. It was more inappropriate than "nasty," IMO (unless you left something out, like the way she spat in your face as she stormed out)

LisaS

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 4:19 am

It probably looks like you gave every single family in the building except for her daughter. I would call the daughter and explain that you intended the one to her mom to be for both, and you thought the kids would say so. If you really want Shalom, then a few words of explanation would help remove the akwardness.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 4:43 am

amother wrote:

"No I didn't forget.I am not sending to friends. I am makpid on sending to people I am not yet friendly with."

momaleh

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 6:27 am

I totally agree it is weird to do that, but my best guess is that the daughter felt hurt and the mother asked you in order to make shalom, instead of them just being annoyed at you. Just tell her the truth and aplogize that she didn't get the message, of course you meant no hurt, etc.

33055

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 7:29 am

momaleh wrote:

My thought was also that the mom wanted shalom. I was thinking that she did get the message. With all the posts about ladies being hurt by not getting enough MM, it could be her daughter was hurting and the mom wanted her to have her own.

Liba

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 7:39 am

I think asking was bizarre and a bit off, BUT if the mother and daughter are both adults living in their own apartments, giving one mishloach manos to the two of them is also a bit bizarre. What did you expect them to do? Split it? How? Was there two of everything in there? If yes, why not give them separately, if no, what did you expect them to do with it?

watergirl

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 8:47 am

Squishy wrote:

If that were the case, the mom could have made up a little white lie. "Oh, she left me yours. Here you go" and given it to her. I am sure that would have made shalom as well eith iut the awkwardness.

greenfire

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 9:23 am

upon reading the op the way I see it ... 2 different apartments - 2 different shalach manos ... it would be different if they were in the same apartment ... of course there is going to be jealousy - even if most people might not check with the giver if you forgot one of them - you certainly leave one feeling left out

Talya

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 9:31 am

I'm guessing the daughter felt bad and the mother felt close enough to clarify. Or she is a bit socially awkward. Either way, I'm with the others about not understanding the splitting. How are they supposed to share it? What would you do if you were told the shalach manos you received was for you AND a neighbor?

Either way, don't feel bad about it. It's a stressful time of year and we can only do our best. Only thing you can do is keep this in mind for next year.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 10:26 am

OP here: thanks everyone!

This may be why people give "junk food" for MM. Smile

We were up 'till 2am Purim night cutting fruit for a fresh fruit platter for everyone.
(It was supposed to happen on Friday, but it just didn't work out that way.)
I simply didn't have enough containers to cut up separate platters for both of them, but I will definitely keep this in mind for next year and make sure to give them each their own.
They usually have meals together, etc, and I was hoping that one was enough for the two of them, since most of the other people I give to are whole families.

imasoftov

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 1:27 pm

monseychick wrote:

Tell her that you are up to Pesach cleaning and she is cordially invited to help you or use the lake as a mikvah...

and cross her off your list for next year