My Longest Trip Back to London

shosh

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 4:10 pm

Hi all

First of all I just wanted to thank all the wonderful people who have rallied to help my Mum and me. You know who you are, and also those who have offered help. Your zechuyos are many.

Right now, we take each day at a time. Since I have gotten here, I have watched Dad gradually drifting from twilight towards dusk. But the sun hasn't set and he continues to fight for his life. Now he's wearing an oxygen mask and everything tires him. Yet he tries to communicate, though it's almost impossible to understand him.

Today, I wanted to hold his hand, but he brushed me away and held my mother's hand, and gradually he drifted off to sleep. And though he's so frail, he gripped her hand with such a strong grip that she couldn't let go. And I looked at the two of them, married nearly 50 years bli ayin hara, and I thought that this is love. This is real love. They sat like that for nearly an hour, and I told my father how much we love him. Eventually he woke up, b"H, and I felt that he seemed so relaxed because we were there.

The doctors have said that there's little wrong with him, beyond that he is nearing the end of his life. The sun may set in a matter of days or weeks. Right now, time seems to stand still. We have rides to the hospital arranged till the end of the week. And then who knows?

In the meantime, Dad is trying his best to stay with us. The staff have said that he's not in pain, just drifting, but there's nothing more to be done beyond making him comfortable, and they have tried every test, every treatment under the sun.

It's still hard. I still cry every time I walk into that ward and see him so weak, so helpless, but slowly I am beginning to come to terms with this situation. My tension headaches are receding, but I still feel that feeling of pressure when I first walk in - and then it goes when I see him and I tell him we're right there, with him, and he's not alone.,

I was reading Kohelet just before: "Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for every matter under the Heaven. A time to give birth and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot that which has been planted."

What more can I say? The sun has not yet set, and Dad still wants to live. I still want him to live. Let's keep on davening for my father, Elifelet ben Yocheved, the quintessential ehrliche Yid.