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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
I'm plotzing - my toddler doesnt listen!



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amother


 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 8:24 pm
I need help.
This is a long, ongoing situation, not the first time I'm dealing with this behavior, but I just don't know what to do anymore.
My son is 2 1/2 years old. Normal. I know. But too often, HE. JUST. WONT. LISTEN. I ask him to put on his socks (which he took off for the 10th time and now his nose is one long train). He'll look me in the eye and either just go on with what he wants to do or laugh and run away.
It is the most helpless, frustrating experience.
I know that in general he works best through positive, loving behavior. The kid is not stupid. In fact he's KA"H quite a brilliant little boy. People are amazed by him. I always say he's great for showing off, impossible to raise (not that I try to show him off but you get my drift).
I end up yelling and even potching sometimes bec I simply don't know what else to do.
I need help.
I need a good parenting specialist that deals specifically with this age that can guide me with his behavior. I don't want to destroy him. I definitely don't want to be hurting, yelling and having such a negative home atmosphere.
I've read a number of books and attended some parenting classes, though I haven't been able to fully implement them. I also don't really have time to re-read some of the books I read a long time ago (which might be helpful). Please do anyway share what has helped you - not with general child-raising but specifically with toddlers. And especially if you have experience with this specific situation of children just not listening to you.
I'm very careful to keep my word - to a fault. But that doesn't seem to help the next time around.
Any tips, suggestions, experience - and most of all, a good parenting specialist I can call to help me, is most appreciated.
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IMHopinion




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 8:31 pm
He's waaaay too young to put his socks away by telling him once. He has no sense of responsibility yet.

Oh, and if you think he doesn't listen now, wait until he's a couple of years older... We'll be sitting here waiting for your vent...
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notme




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 8:49 pm
Things that work with my 2.5 year old is giving him appropriate choices. For example, "DO you want to wear your blue socks or your white socks today?" or if you want him to do something "Can you put your socks on by yourself or should mommy help you?" If he says he wants to do it by himself but doesn't follow through, give a warning and then "I think you need mommy to help you. Maybe next time you can try by yourself" Proceed to put socks on for him. Also pick your battles. My son doesn't like socks and often takes them off at home. I just leave him be. General rules to live by

1) Give choice whenever appropriate
2) Pick your battles
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bubbebia




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 11:03 pm
A 2 1/2 year old is learning independence and since he thinks his needs and wants are the only things of any importance he is not going to pay attention to anything you say, especially since it goes against his own ideas. A 2 1/2 year old has no sense of responsibility either and by trying to push that onto a kid who doesn't have the ability to be responsible, you are setting both of you up for failure. Clearly you both have failed. Instead of leaving the responsibility up to him you should guide him along. Notme has the right idea. Give him a choice of "you can do this or I can do this, which would you like?" That kind of thing. If he fails to comply, you take over. No questions, no fighting. That's it.
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chayamiriam




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 11:08 pm
Try to remember he is only 2 and 1/2 not 10. Your making his behavior from normal into problem, patching!!!! He is just a baby read some parenting books, go on line and learn to parent your child!
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amother


 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 11:26 pm
My DH pointed out to me that my expectations are too high.

Even a 5-year old doesn't always want to get dressed on his own and may need help the same way I need help to wash the stack of dishes after Shabbos.

Especially with a 2-year old, I would just pick him up, plop him on my lap, and unceremoniously put his socks back on for the 100th time. (If I chose that battle.) He will eventually get the message and stop taking them off.

I did this with my 2-year-old escape-from-bed twins. Every time they jumped back out, I'd calmly go into the room, not making eye contact (would make me too angry) and put them right back into bed. At first it was a game, but after the 20th time or so they gave up. On subsequent nights it was less times, until at the most I'd have to do it once for them to remember that it's not worth it - Mommy's serious about bed.

Basically, I can enforce the result (socks on feet, child in bed) but can't enforce the child's desire/ability to do it.

Also, of course, make sure that there are plenty of positive interactions throughout the day.
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sunlight




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 11:40 pm
Ooh toddler fun. My 2 1/2 LOVES to run away when I try to dress him. I either run after him, or just wait for him. He may push me off when I tryto just pull it over his head. I ask him if he wants to do it, or should I. I count to 3.
Example: Let's say I wanto to change his pamper. He thinks it prime time to play catch Smile or continue playing. I say, "Either you lay down or Mommy is going to lay you down." I count to 3 if he hasn't laid down by 3, I go ahead and struggle with him, lay him down myself and change him.
Another example: "Please pick up the tissue and put it in garbage." After I say it a few times and its going nowhere, I take his hand and pick it up with his hand, (even if I'm really the one holding it) and place it in garbage. This teaches him that he must listen.
I also try to listen to what he wants as often as I can. I ask him what he wants to eat, which stuffed animals he wants to sleep with etc.
It also helps me to do deep breathing when he misbehaves. 5 breaths in thru nose, hold for 2 seconds and out the mouth for 5.

Good luck. This too shall pass!!
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baba




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 19 2014, 7:11 am
notme wrote:
Things that work with my 2.5 year old is giving him appropriate choices. For example, "DO you want to wear your blue socks or your white socks today?" or if you want him to do something "Can you put your socks on by yourself or should mommy help you?" If he says he wants to do it by himself but doesn't follow through, give a warning and then "I think you need mommy to help you. Maybe next time you can try by yourself" Proceed to put socks on for him. Also pick your battles. My son doesn't like socks and often takes them off at home. I just leave him be. General rules to live by

1) Give choice whenever appropriate
2) Pick your battles

And I'd like to add 3. Use humor.
Toddler are so easily amused. Whenever you can avoid a battle by being silly.

But like others have said, I think you're expecting way to much from your kid. 2.5 yo dont listen, period. They are just figuring out they are a person and one with a strong will at that, while at the same time everything is being decided for them. So whenever they can, they try to assert their own will and we should try and let them as much as possible. I'll ask my toddler to get his shoes cause we're leaving. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesnt. When he refuses, it doesnt mean he's being a bad kid etc, he's only 2!
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spinkles




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 19 2014, 12:08 pm
Your kid is normal, don't fight his natural toddler self! Be playful. Ignore when he pulls off the sock (he loves your reactions, so don't give him one), and when you truly need the sock back on (like to go outside or whatever), just sit him on your lap and put it back on yourself. If he wriggles and fights it, distract him by singing The Wheels on the Bus or telling him a story about a little monkey who came to live in his house and be his friend or tickling him....

Just enjoy him! Try to almost never tell him to do stuff, you'll be so much happier. Announcing "it's time to put our socks on," followed by putting them on yourself, is so much better than ordering him to do something and getting a whole battle that could have easily been avoided. Clap and cheer when he's all dressed and tell him what a big boy he is. Give him attention for being dressed and he'll want to stay dressed (sometimes).
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amother


 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2014, 2:25 pm
chayamiriam wrote:
Try to remember he is only 2 and 1/2 not 10. Your making his behavior from normal into problem, patching!!!! He is just a baby read some parenting books, go on line and learn to parent youGr child!


Genuinely asking, at what age do you think discipline starts, if at all?
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