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Should I quit?



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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 12:47 pm
I work with very disabled children in the inner city. I have been working with kids like this for over 10 years. I just found out that I am going to have a baby with Down Syndrome. I usually love my work & feel like I do much for the kids I work with. But now, every time I go in to work, I get very emotional when I look at the kids.

Should I quit? Should I take a few weeks off? They will have a very hard time finding a sub for what I do.
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 12:51 pm
No one on this forum can answer such a loaded question based on one paragraph .

Do you have a sister or close friend who knows you for many years that you can talk to

What does your husband say ?
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m+m




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 12:54 pm
I agree with the previous poster. It's really too hard for any of us to answer this question.

Speak to a rav, therapist, DH.

Hug Hug
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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 1:38 pm
I have spoken w. my rebizin & my brother & a few close friends & DH is in no condition to discuss this right now.

When my father was dying, I found work was a welcome distraction. This is different, in a way & I was hoping that maybe there are others who have struggled with similar situations, like nurses, when they have family members who are ill, or others who have children with disabilities & work in the same field?

Like I said, I love my work & there are not many who do what I do, so I feel some achrius to these kids for now.

Anyone with a similar experience & how did you manage it?
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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 2:57 pm
I work in the medical field and before I was pregnant I felt this way when I had teenagers (or older patients) coming in and talking about how they were going to abort. It was particularly hard after I told a 41 year old who thought she could never have kids and tried every treatment in the book countless times that her abdominal pain was from being pregnant and an hour later had to tell her that the baby was dead.

Still, I can't compare it to what you are going through.

I just mentioned this post to DH who said that his uncle used to be the principle of a special needs school. He has a son with Downs Syndrome and at the shalom zachor said that he thinks he was given such a child because Hashem realized that with his experience he is equipped to deal with it.

Ultimately though you have to do what makes you most comfortable. Will you find the work comforting? You can't worry about your achrayus to the students right now. There are times in life when you just have to worry about you and this definitely falls into that time. I hope it all goes well for you. Good luck!
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Ashrei




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 29 2014, 9:57 pm
Hashem should give you the chizuk and every thing you need to face this challenge. And through Hashem's divine love and mercy, from your work, you can already see what nachas this child will yet be for you.

If I were in your situation, I would give them notice for about 2 weeks, and leave. I would spend time davening, soul searching, and preparing for the changes in your life - with the goal to accept everything with such love and joy from Hashem. I would just work on myself. But that's me, that's the kind of person I am.

I remember when being pregnant with any kind of child, the littlest thing would get me upset - hormones and ultra sensitivity I suppose. What you're describing would be just too much, at least for me.

I have no idea when/if to suggest you go back to work, I suppose it depends on how busy you'll be and the level of challenge, and however long it takes for you to get into a good emotional groove, as well as a good schedule with your new addition.

Thinking of you, and wishing you only the best and b'soros tovos. B'sha'ah tovah.
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amother


 

Post Sat, Mar 29 2014, 10:08 pm
amother wrote:
I work with very disabled children in the inner city. I have been working with kids like this for over 10 years. I just found out that I am going to have a baby with Down Syndrome. I usually love my work & feel like I do much for the kids I work with. But now, every time I go in to work, I get very emotional when I look at the kids.

Should I quit? Should I take a few weeks off? They will have a very hard time finding a sub for what I do.

I was in a similar situation pretty recently. It was a very emotional time -to work with children while carrying a child with an unknown fate. many days I was near tears, most days just in another world. my memory is pretty hazy from then but I could tell you one thing, I would have been worse off at home, having nothing to distract myself from the pain.
truthfully, I didn't even expect to love my child.
I was angry, resentful, jealous, and scared
but I loved him from the very beginning-he brings so much joy to me and my family
it just becomes a new reality from the rosy future I expected for all of us and, after a long while, it's starting to be ok.
it's ok to have a little extra work. to have a different , 'imperfect' child.
b'hatzlacha-reach out for support from family, orginizations and other in the same boat it really helps.
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