Father expected to speak at upsherin?

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amother

Sat, Mar 29 2014, 9:54 pm

Is the father expected to speak at the upsherin? DH hates public speaking. He did it by both brissim because it's expected, so he just made himself do it. He really doesn't want to at the upsherin unless it's expected of him. So, what do people do? Please no "do what you want who cares". DH, for better or worse, cares about how things look and would rather do what's "done" even if he doesn't like it.

amother

Sat, Mar 29 2014, 9:56 pm

I made two upsherins myself and have been to plenty of upsherins and I have never seen a father speak at an upsherin. A bris of course but not an upsherin.

rising hero

Sat, Mar 29 2014, 9:56 pm

I've never heard anyone give a speech at an upsherin!

amother

Sat, Mar 29 2014, 10:06 pm

Thanks ladies. DH will be thrilled to know he's off the hook Very Happy

greenfire

Sat, Mar 29 2014, 10:15 pm

well since the universe is fairly large - I would ask people from yourtown rather than mytown ... minhagim might be different

I did once hear a rather articulate smart little boy say a maamor by heart for his upsherin [not to be mistaken for bar mitzva]

imasoftov

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 4:42 am

People expect they can get me to do things I don't want to by telling me it's 'expected' and I won't stare through them like they have forgotten their head at home.

amother

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 8:07 am

Well, I've never heard a father speak at a brit, and I've been to many. OK, maybe in one or two the father spoke, but it was the exception to the rule.

doctorima

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 9:22 am

I think it varies widely by geography and religious and social norms. DH spoke at DS's upsherin, but I could imagine that plenty of people don't. It depends on how formal or casual you want the event to be. I would check with friends in your hometown to see what's done, but if DH is uncomfortable, I definitely don't think you should make him feel forced to do it.

amother

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 11:21 am

In my world and upsherin party is just a glorified birthday party. Not something very formal. And I've never heard a father speak. No one would be interested at all.

Raisin

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 12:03 pm

my husband might have spoken at ours since most of the guests were not frum and had not been at an upsherin before. but otherwise I wouldn't expect it.

amother

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 12:08 pm

We never had a speech at any of our upsherins, and I've never been to one where anyone spoke...
Don't think it's expected!!

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