10 year old daugher gettting chubby.Anyadvice

amother

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 11:23 am

My ten year old daughter is starting to get chubby. She has stomach pudge and she weighs 95 pounds. I definitely know the right foods to serve and I work out 5 days a week.So she sees a good example. She also bike rides and plays sports in school. She recently told me she want to lose weight. This is a delicate topic. Anyone who has dealt with this before has a any advice .I want her to continue to have a healthy body image.

m+m

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 11:54 am

My sister is he same age and getting pudgy too. I told mom she must get rid of the junk in the house. There's always fresh cake and cookies in the house and tons of nosh. Although mom tries to restrict the eating it's not going to help much bec Sister is going nosh nosh and nosh.

The way to do it is to buy healthier snacks for the house (spelt pretzels, applesauce, raisins, nuts, light popcorn, etc) and always have a healthy snack waiting when the kids get home from school.

Don't buy soda, juice and sugar cereal either. Also, please don't tell DD that she looks chubby or fat. She might start getting a bad image of herself.

allrgymama

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 12:06 pm

As others have said, don't make it about losing weight. A lot of kids (if not most?) go through a similar phase as they hit puberty and are going through growth spurts. Keep healthy foods around and try to keep things in the context of 'Hashem made every body in a way that it needs just the right amount of food to be happy and healthy; too much is not good and too little is not good, either'.

And realize and allow that, as such, her body may need different things to be happy and healthy than someone else's.

Also, do NOT make any food a forbidden food. All foods (from a 10 year old perspective anyway), should be okay in moderation. If she wants to make the choice as a teenager or adult to cut out certain things (like things that contain food coloring, or five versions of corn and corn syrup, or artificial flavors and colorings), then SHE can do so. My parents went the other way with me and it was devastating (and ultimately pointless and counter productive) to be the only kid in my fifth grade class who brought pretzels to school for snack because that's what the nutritionist allowed as a treat, after weeks of dieting.

amother

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 12:20 pm

1) Encourage her to eat and nosh on foods that are filling, rather than empty carbs that will leave her hungry again in 10 minutes, and that take some time to eat, rather than something like a sandwich that can be eaten in 2 minutes.

2) You can still stock some sugary snacks, but mostly those that take more time to eat. For example, lollipops and popsicles are better than chocolate bars or gummy candies.

3) MOST IMPORTANT - Train her to only eat foods that she enjoys and wants at the time, as far as your finances and decent manners will allow. Otherwise, skip it, throw it away, give it away, trade it, leave it on the plate. A lot of people will eat food they don't like or don't want at that moment because it's free, because it's on the verge of spoiling, because it's "healthy," because they think it's "spoiled" or "bratty" to throw away food and they have to finish it, because it's a designated mealtime even if they're not hungry. Then, even though they've eaten enough physically, they still feel an urge to eat something pleasant afterwards and that puts them over their caloric needs. For me, this has been key to slow, sustainable weight loss and weight maintenance thereafter without feeling like "dieting." I had to get rid of the guilt I felt about being "too picky" or buying more expensive food or letting food go to waste. If you have concerns about bal tachschis, ask your LOR, but if it's being done for health reasons, I think it should be allowed.

4) Make sure she does not confuse thirst for hunger. Sometimes when people are thirsty they will mistakenly eat instead.

Abby2

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 12:51 pm

amother wrote:

DS got pudgy at the same age. I cut out ALL the junk at home. Too bad I can't control his rebbes, friends at school and friend's moms at home. I told him he was getting heavy and he had to control his own eating. I was backed by the pediatrician and DH. DS understood it is not attractive. I encouraged him to be active one hour a day. BH the pain speaking worked and now he is on the lean side. [b]

This post really resonated with me. I feel it is very detrimental to tell a young child that they are "heavy" and it's not attractive. From personal experience it can ruin a budding self esteem.

Yes, cut out junk, yes encourage activity but to single your child out as different just because they a few pounds overweight can be very negative, for now and years to come.

To the op, the fact that your daughter said that she wants to lose weight and it wasn't forced on her is a really positive sign. Your role is to now make it easier for her by having the right food available and the wrong food unavailable(except maybe on shabbos to an extent.

Children eat what you give them. If there is a cabinet full of snacks with free access, its going to be impossible, If there are always fresh fruit and vegies available, it will be much easier for her to control her eating and make the correct choices.

Just to reiterate my first point, NEVER make her feel like she is less of a person because she is heavy. A girl who is told that being overweight is unattractive will live with the consequences for the rest of her life, trust me, I know!

It already sounds like you are an excellent role model though!

Dina_B613

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 2:38 pm

The way you asked this question shows what a sensitive mom you are - this will go a long way in helping your daughter. My own mom really, really tried - but was also panicking about my weight constantly, as were relatives - I rebelled and ignored everything she said (much to my own detriment) because I didn't want to lose weight for her - I wanted to loose weight for me. Eventually, now, I have - but I'm in my late 20's!

Here are some tips, hope they help.

1) Focus on HEALTH, not weight. To that end, check out soveya, run by a wonderful rabbi-rebbetzin couple. They have some great ideas, and also talk about not using food as a reward - they even set up something with their kids schools so that when everyone else gets a treat, their kids get a non-food treat. (I think this should go for all kids, no matter what their weight).

2) As someone already mentioned, work with your family on understanding the difference between hunger and emotional eating - it's really difficult, but it gets easier over time.

3) Pause between courses - oftentimes, we think we're hungry, but if we waited 5 more minutes, then we would find that we feel full. Practice this especially on Shabbot and Yom Tovim. Serve water at every meal, and encourage your family to start their meal by drinking a big glass of water. It's easy to mistake thirst for hunger.

4) Do fun things on YomTov, like take walks, walk to see friends, etc.

5) Consider cutting back or eliminating white sugar, white flour, oil, & corn syrup - some people say "everything in moderation" - which is great, except when a food is addictive. These foods don't have nutrients, and you can easily live without them.

6) Don't treat your daughter who wants to loose weight any differently than you would your other kids.

7) Tell your daughter she is beautiful, and remember, beautiful and thin aren't mutually exclusive. This is the one thing I wished my mom had done.

Check out: http://www.pcrm.org/images/hea.....e.pdf as well!

allrgymama

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 3:39 pm

Dina_B613 wrote:

7) Tell your daughter she is beautiful, and remember, beautiful and thin aren't mutually exclusive. This is the one thing I wished my mom had done.

So true! I am constantly telling my five year old (who happens to be beautiful, bli ayin harah) that more important than being beautiful is having beautiful middos and I try to keep my family from talking to her about her looks.

And while I try to keep her away from Disney movies and things, she does know a bunch of the songs. So, for example, we have discussed how absolutely silly it is for Gaston to want to marry Belle (in Beauty and the Beast) just because she's pretty.

And, as others have said, I grew up having my parents drill into me (with the best and most misguided of intentions) that I wouldn't get married if I didn't lose weight and no one would love me if I didn't lose weight and when I did get married (having dropped 30 pounds of my own choice), it created tremendous problems for me that I didn't foresee and there was a point in my dieting (again, of my own choice) where my parents got involved because it wasn't enough and it didn't happen in their time frame and I ended up with a very minor eating disorder because of it which took a lot of personal hard work to get over -- because it didn't occur to me at the time that that's what was going on, or that I should be seeing someone because of it.

allrgymama

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 3:42 pm

Abby2 wrote:

To the op, the fact that your daughter said that she wants to lose weight and it wasn't forced on her is a really positive sign.

It already sounds like you are an excellent role model though!

OP does sound like an excellent mother, and I was initially going to respond in regards to the maturity of her daughter for coming to this decision on her own but then I realized that might not be the case. It is very possible that there are less mature mothers out there talking about dieting and calories with their ten year olds who in turn are talking about it in school in front of OP's daughter who is feeling pressure because of it or might outright be getting bullied over it.

OP -- If I were in your position, I would certainly ask my daughter why she suddenly decided that it is important for her to lose weight.

Ima_Shelli

Wed, Apr 30 2014, 10:50 am

I think that 'chubby' stage can definitely be a part of a normal girl's growth. I certainly had it at around 12 and again at around 16.

Problem is that I had a grandmother who let me know that I had to 'be careful' with what I ate, and signalled her disapproval when I reached for second helpings of dessert. THAT stayed with me, and I internalized it. I respected her very much and wanted to look good for her. In short, I wound up with a full-blown case of anorexia at 16. BH my incredibly supportive parents helped me get the help I needed and I recovered. (THEY certainly never cared if I ate seconds or if I was on the chubby side, and they never gave me the impression that my self-worth was about my skirt size. That certainly helped my recovery.)

Fast-forward 15 years or so. I have BH grown in to a naturally lean adult, not underweight, but physically active and with healthy but not obsessive eating habits. I probably would have gotten there anyway, once adolescence and the chubby stage around it wore off and I outgrew it. I'm just saying that it's not like I was headed to a lifetime of morbid obesity because of a bit of a belly in adolescence. It would have come to an equillibrium anyway, but by focusing on it I ended up spending much of teenagehood battling an eating disorder.

I often think of what I would do if my own kids went into the adolescent chubby phase that I did (they're not that old yet). I honestly think I'd ignore it. I think the risk to their self-esteem from even commenting on noticing their weight is not worth it. I mean, unless they're incredibly overweight it's not a REAL risk to their health to be carrying a bit of extra chub around, but the long-term damage you chv's risk to their self-image is a big, big concern. I'd rather raise strong, self-confident children than skinny, self-doubting ones any day.

Maybe the reality is that it's not an all-or-none thing, but in this case, because of my own experience, I am going to err on the side of caution with my own children. Yes, I try to model good eating habits and physical activity, as you're doing. But beyond that I would totally let it go and just focus on how much you love your child and all the good qualities that you love about her, and let her know that.

ABC

Tue, Sep 02 2014, 1:55 pm

I hear what your saying ima shelli but its so hard to know where to draw the line. I want dd to know that eating seconds of dessert is not a good idea. I always talk about feeling and being healthy, never about looking fat, but I feel like its my duty to save her if possible from the trauma of having to diet at a later date. I was always the chubby one, and wished that I could have been spared that. life is simply easier in so many ways if you don't put on the weight to begin with. its so much harder to have to lose it. I try to encourage dd to exercise and hope this will be enough to carry her through the adolescent years.

heidi

Tue, Sep 02 2014, 2:29 pm

DD went through that chubby stage too. I have been overweight my entire life and it is NOT fun!! And I told her that--
Then with her complete agreement we went to a nutritionist together. That way the suggestions came from the nutritionist NOT me, and my dd could choose to do what she felt she wanted. B"H she had the tools and implemented them beautifully.
And today she is B"H 15 and healthy/slim and gorgeous!!!!