Friends visiting and we're broke

amother

Wed, May 21 2014, 10:21 am

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just coming here to vent. A very good friend of mine is coming with her DH to visit our family next week. They are driving a long way to come and see us and meet our DC. We haven't seen each other in years and I can't wait for them to arrive.

However, we unexpectedly ran into a financial situation this month that left us broke. We won't have money coming in until after my friend is already gone. In the meantime, I can't even go grocery shopping. This includes this Shabbos.

My friend is also very tight on money, and I know they're sacrificing her DH's work days to come visit us. I'm not even sure exactly how long they're staying (I'm guessing about 4-5 days, leaving before next Shabbos probably). I'm looking for free things to do in our area, luckily there are plenty, but as her friend and host I just feel this huge responsibility to make sure they have a wonderful time. I had so much stuff I wanted to do but now it's not really possible - maybe I'm just being too hard on myself because I haven't seen her in so long, that I want everything to be perfect?

flowerpower

Wed, May 21 2014, 10:26 am

First of all, sorry about your financial state.
Second of all, don't eat yourself up about where you are spending time with your friend. The weather is really nice these days and visiting beautiful free parks is the way to go. You don't have to go to expensive museums and places to have fun!

Kitten

Wed, May 21 2014, 10:45 am

They are coming to see YOU. It's you that matters, not what you can offer them.
In any case, I think it's better that you go for low budget things, maybe they too have absolutely no money and you'll avoid them an embarrassment or putting them in a difficult situation. For example, let's say very good friends of yours come to see you and suggest to go to "a little" restaurant, they choose a place - because you don't know anything about restaurants, and then you end up in an expensive place and have to pay your share when you don't even have the money for basic food. How would you feel? When you live far from each other, it's hard to figure out a financial situation, unless you constantly talk about it.

Scrabble123

Wed, May 21 2014, 10:57 am

It appears that both you and your friend value your friendship over material things. I agree with Flowerpower: enjoy the weather in beautiful free parks. I think that you will both just enjoy being together.

self-actualization

Wed, May 21 2014, 12:34 pm

I think it's very generous that you are opening up your home to a family for 4-5 days.

I personally would never expect someone to feed me and my family for that long. In my case I always make sure to bring along all of the food (even the Shabbos food) for a number of reasons including finances and kashrus hangups. I also make sure that my family goes out to eat (even at a pizza store) for some of the meals so that we are not driving our hosts crazy.

Remember that they are coming to you because they like you and because it's nice weather and they want to take a "vacation." By giving them a change of place you are already giving them a vacation, and I am sure they will be able to deal with the rest. Worst case scenario if you can't take them to tourist attractions because of the cost, then maybe they can go on their own. I know that when we have stayed with friends we don't want to spend 24/7 of our time with them anyway.

Kitten

Wed, May 21 2014, 12:45 pm

self-actualization wrote:

I personally would never expect someone to feed me and my family for that long. In my case I always make sure to bring along all of the food (even the Shabbos food) for a number of reasons including finances and kashrus hangups. I also make sure that my family goes out to eat (even at a pizza store) for some of the meals so that we are not driving our hosts crazy.

I agree with the fact that guests can be independent in terms of food in activity. Some people actually prefer it that way and don't expect to be baby-sitted. However, I wouldn't like if my guests would bring their own food unless I am 100% sure of their kashrus standards and I wouldn't like people to touch my kitchen anyway. I have seen some really surprising things in my life, luckily not at my house.

greenfire

Wed, May 21 2014, 1:51 pm

it's important not to lead on anything of your finances - but do things with a smile ... even if it means sharing eggs or pasta for all your meals

also, you have no idea how invigorating a walk through a metroparks could be or across a bridge or a boardwalk ... find god's free adventures