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Sleep over guest in one bedroom apartment
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chaiz




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 06 2014, 7:45 am
5*Mom wrote:
I will be the voice of dissent. I know there is single-girl cluelessness, but inviting yourself over, without asking, to your very pregnant sil's ONE BEDROOM apartment for THREE DAYS?? Who does that?? OP, your sil is in the wrong, not you. And it's not as if you're turning her out into the street, either; you've arranged other comfortable accommodations for her. But oy, she's not so comfortable. Oh well. You can be nice, you can be gentle, you can tell her you'd be happy for her to spend time with you during the day, but you do not have to do this.

ETA: And if I were your sil's mother, she'd get an earful from me. Not okay.


Totally agree with you. I have a sibling who can be a bit socially awkward, but certain things said person understands and does not assume I can do things for them. He asks me in advance and makes sure it is ok with us both. I have hosted a brother in yeshiva for a shabbos and once for Motzei Shabbos as well. He is pretty good about giving us space and helping and not being a bother, but it was a bit frustrating at times due to it being a small apartment. I totally understand OP's frustration and I am not sure why it is ok that she should be made to feel guilty over this. Really do not get it.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Jun 06 2014, 8:18 am
chaiz wrote:
Totally agree with you. I have a sibling who can be a bit socially awkward, but certain things said person understands and does not assume I can do things for them. He asks me in advance and makes sure it is ok with us both. I have hosted a brother in yeshiva for a shabbos and once for Motzei Shabbos as well. He is pretty good about giving us space and helping and not being a bother, but it was a bit frustrating at times due to it being a small apartment. I totally understand OP's frustration and I am not sure why it is ok that she should be made to feel guilty over this. Really do not get it.


Because sometimes we put ourselves out for family.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Jun 06 2014, 8:47 am
amother wrote:
Because sometimes we put ourselves out for family.

Having her is putting myself out for her. It's hard for me to have guests. I'm barely functioning at this point. Sleeping on my living room floor felt like too much. FYI, the accommodations I'm offering are a heck of a lot more comfortable than the accommodations we're offered when we go there.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 06 2014, 9:12 am
amother wrote:
Because sometimes we put ourselves out for family.


And sometimes, family needs to realize when it's unreasonable to ask us to put ourselves out for them. If they don't realize this, it's perfectly okay, necessary even, to set boundaries.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 06 2014, 9:16 am
Op I'm with you and think that a neighbor and a hotel with her spending awake time with you both is an excellent option.
We have a small apartment and when we had five kids living here it was crowded! Our living room is tiny and is the same as our dining room and that meant that if someone wanted to sleep over it was often on a mattress under the table! Not great. With two and three kids in the boys/girls bedrooms there was really not much room for anyone but another kid who would bed down on the floor.
We did not have guests often and when we did it was hard. I was lucky that my parents lived nearby and we would send people or our kids to them to make room.
Under your circmstances I think you are correct in doing what you are doing. Try to make it nice for her during the waking hours that you are together but in your 8th month? She should be bringing you a ready made shabbos for a present! But what can you do, she's single and doesn't get the story...she will one day iy"h...
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 06 2014, 9:21 am
We had a cousin sleeping in the living room for a yomtov and it was HARD. Hard for her, to have to dress very early in case of, and hard for my husband to have to dress to go to the toilet at night in case of.
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chaiz




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 06 2014, 9:35 am
5*Mom wrote:
And sometimes, family needs to realize when it's unreasonable to ask us to put ourselves out for them. If they don't realize this, it's perfectly okay, necessary even, to set boundaries.


Totally true! Boundaries are necessary even amongst family. And context is huge.
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