Would you let your daughter do this?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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Culturedpearls

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 11:15 am

sweetpotato wrote:

Quote:

No. I never allow my kids to be alone with anyone. Especially if they're amazing.
Either one of us or an older sibling will be present.
I don't trust anyone. Sadly.

You never leave your children with babysitters?

These days the olde ones babysit. When they were really young our parents did.
Then an older lady babysat my little kids during the day but 1. We knew her very well & trusted her. 2. We could come home any time during the day.
But certainly no teacher, art, sport , music etc
I don't really know these people, no matter how nice they seem.

debsey

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 11:54 am

I think everyone is over-thinking this. I'd have a conversation with my daughter about good-bad touch, discuss discomfort, make SURE she knows that there's no lashon hara between a mother and daughter ever. If she's a talkative kid who tends to tell you things, and you know that if anything seemed off she'd tell you, I'd let her go.
I agree about the transportation though - it's not socially appropriate to be seen around town in a teacher's car.
A common recommendation for shyness/selective mutism/social anxiety is to get the kid comfortable in school and comfortable in a role ("class artist" maybe?) and going to school over the summer to create comfort is how that's done.
I'd also occasionally drop in on them just to see what they're making, but also to put the teacher on notice that you'll be unpredictably stopping by, to calm your nerves.
I don't see this as creepy at all.
debs

Ruchel

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 1:26 pm

My dd was DELIGHTED when she had to be driven by the teacher.

I don't see why it's inappropriate. It's a treat.

I would ask her why she is ok with inside the school but not the car. Abuse wouldn't take place in public (lo alenu).

marina

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 1:50 pm

I would allow it, but not if the child doesn't want.

Raisin

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:11 pm

Culturedpearls wrote:

You do know children have been abused by their grandparents? Being related is no guarantee.

ronbonboo

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:22 pm

I was having the same problems as a kid and 1 of my teachers spent the summer each week learning the weekly parsha with me. I went to her house and we learned 1:1. I think that this is a great idea. In school she doesn't get personalized attention and now it is being offered. This coming year when she excels in art she will feel really good about herself and even better with a supportive teacher who she knows cares about her.

Set up a safety system. You drive and pick up, you do surprise stop ins, and you teach your daughter what's appropriate and what isn't. After each time discuss with your daughter what they did, what they talked about but from a loving place not judging or accusing.

Don't punish your daughter for the maybes or could bes because of the media and society.

amother

Wed, Jul 02 2014, 5:45 am

amother wrote:

Do u live in Immanuel

are u the amother from the recent immanuel thread? What are utrying to fish out about immanuel?

Culturedpearls

Wed, Jul 02 2014, 6:22 am

Raisin wrote:

You do know children have been abused by their grandparents? Being related is no guarantee.

Sure I'm aware. We do the best we can.
We also speak about appropriate touch.
Grandparents need to ask permission from the child (not a baby) to kiss or hug, not because we C"V worry about them but to teach the child that their body is their private property.

amother

Wed, Jul 02 2014, 8:44 am

Hi, its the OP here. I love this place! you guys have such great ideas/feedback. I decided to approach the principal and express my concerns and see what her thoughts are. I emailed her and got a phone call shortly after from the assistant principal. she said she was very impressed that I was asking and they appreciate my concern. That being said, she said that with this specific teacher, they are very comfortable with her and would have no hesitation about leaving her alone with a student. she said if it was her daughter, she would do it. Yesterday, I took my daughter, stayed there (in another room, kind of in and out) and took her home. I was very comfortable with the arragement and DD really enjoyed herself. She still refuses to be transported by the teacher. so the plan is that I will do all transporting and occasionally come early, etc so the teacher knows I might be around. I also spoke with dd before about appropriate touch, secrets, etc. (We speak about that regularly anyways). I am so grateful to the school for giving her this opportunity to shine.

amother

Wed, Jul 02 2014, 8:45 am

Oh, and this has nothing to do with Immanuel. we live in america.

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