STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!

amother

Tue, Mar 06 2007, 9:24 am

this is a rant:
I work full time, no cleaning help
the house is a wreck with all the purim nosh and all and cuz we were away for the weekend and didnt unpack yet ( we usually go away for shabbos and stuff, cuz I have no energy or time to make shabbos). so anyhow nothing was unpacked sunday cuz we were away for purim also, came home late on sunday. mon night I should have unpacked and cleaned up, but I dunno I was just sooo tired ( I only do housework after my baby goes to sleep which is like 8-8:30) and crashed.
this morning, I had nothing to wear, cuz though my shirts were washed, they were never taken out of the washer to hang dry. so I had to wear something I dont feel confident in. just like yesterday, cuz my shirts hadnt been washed yet yesterday. so two days in a row of wearing clothing I feel ugly in, while I have quite a nice wardrobe actually, but couldnt wear any of the stuff.
I did get up a half hour early to make some semblance of the house. which helped the mess somewhat.
well anyhow the worst part of my story is--the part that bothers me the most--I left the house with my baby in a snowsuit, but with no hat, and his feet werent tucked into the feet part of the snowsuit, and I didnt throw a blanket over him for added protection which I like to do on the freezing cold days like today. and today was just so cold! the poor abused child was probably freezing but mommy was in such a rush (as it is I got to work 20 min late!) that she just dumped him in his snowsuit and ran the half-block to the car. how cruel of me..........poor kid has to suffer cuz mommy is under stress........
oy I dont know what to make of my situation. im just not a strong person-I cant be on top of everything, like some women in this world can be.
sometimes (often actually) I feel that I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. how can I work all day be a good mommy good wife including having a good intimate life keep the house clean make supper? what the hell I cant do everything can I? its funny cuz the truth is me and dh have a very solid marraige B"H Bli Ayin Hora and I do feel confident about my looks and body and all and I know my baby is adorable and smart and special Bli Ayin Hora B"H but I feel that I cant properly enjoy that which I have cuz im too stressed.....oh well huh?

chaimsmom

Tue, Mar 06 2007, 10:40 am

I think every working mother has felt the way you do at one time or another. I think it's important to 1) congratulate yourself on what you do accomplish and 2) not worry about what you don't. You have a lot going on in your life right now, so I think it's important to cut yourself some slack. I understand that having a messy house can add to stress, but sometimes you just have to learn to live with a little mess. I am in the process of getting my house back in order. Instead of trying to do it all at once, I work on one room for 15-20 min. It's amazing on how much can be accomplished in 15-20 minutes. I also find by working on one room at a time, I feel some sense of accomplishment. I can tell myself "the rest of the house may be a disaster, but at least I got the dishes washed (or the laundry put away or whatever.) BTW, I think it's great that you wait until your baby is asleep to do housework. Spending time with your baby definitely takes priority.

As for your baby being cold, unless he was crying I wouldn't give it another thought. My son used to run around in a diaper and a tshirt in the middle of winter. He still goes around with less clothing than I think he needs and rarely wears a coat, but he's 12 years old and I figure if he's cold he'll put something else on. Some kids really don't get cold.

You don't mention your husband's contribution. Is he in a position to help? Is he ok with things being less than perfect? A friend of mine has a husband who likes things very orderly. She was stressing out about keeping everything just so, until she finally told him "I can't do it all. We either need to hire a housekeeper or you need to help. Or you can lower your standards." He now helps more, but he also learned to live with things less than perfecct.

I hope you remember the two fundamental rules of life: 1) don't sweat the small stuff and 2) it's all small stuff. Wink

withhumor

Tue, Mar 06 2007, 3:40 pm

Rule number one “Make happy memories’

Every day when my kids come home about 2 minutes after I finished my long day of work, they expect me 100%

They want food, nourishment, love and care, attention, hugs, kisses and a homework helper too! It’s exhausting but one thing is in the back of my mind all the time “make happy memories’

So will they remember how loving it felt that the dishes were done when they came home? NO! will they remember that I washed all the costumes and packed them and put them into storage today before they came home? No!

Ease up, make happy memories. It’s the best we can do! Oh, and what happens if you give up a few luxury items a week (such as 2 kinds of yogurts0 and get clenain ghelp for 2 hours once a week?

chocolate moose

Tue, Mar 06 2007, 4:02 pm

But it sounds to me like OP WANTS to run a well organized, functioning home!

OP - do you have enough clothes to only wash once a week? Make a schedule for youself based on what you have and what time you can devote to laundry - earlier in the week might be better than a busy day.

Next Purim, as the nosh comes in, designate it for the pantry, the kids, the office or whatever you want , and tidy the bags if you are saving them, or throw them out with the garbage as you go.

If it's too much for you, have one person stay home and the other take the kids around.

I never had help in the house and we were alwaysw reasonably clean and fed. Letme know what else I can help you with.

Sat, Mar 10 2007, 7:12 pm

sorry 2 hear ur feeling so overwhelemd.
u may have seen it mentioned somewhere here before about flylady.net cos recently I went onto their website an signed up for daily emails an it has been such a great help for me.
Their philosophy is to do a small bit at a time, 2minute clear-ups if u have a bit more time than a 15minute clean-up an include a short morning an night time routine (like set out clothes the night before). It also emails u with a different mission each week, so one week might be the kitchen, an one day the email will remind u 2 get rid of tupperware contianers that dotn have matching lids, next week it might be the living room etc so slowly but surely u get ur house under control an feel more calm.
Anyway its working 4 me...