I hate summer SO much!

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 4:38 am

DD is driving me up a wall! She is super high energy, has NO impulse control, and very demanding. She's only been out of school a couple of weeks, and she's already gone through a whole summer's worth of art projects. She follows me like a puppy, reads over my shoulder, wants to use my computer all the time, and the whining, oh the whining! "I'm boooooored!" "I'm huuuuuuungry!" "I don't know what to doooooooo!" "It's too hoooooooot!"

Summer camp starts next week, B'H.

How do you handle super needy kids during the summer? What do you do if you have to work at home, and they won't get off your back for five seconds? How do you keep your sanity???

At wits end

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 6:06 am

Raisin wrote:

playdates?

There's only 1 girl in her age range within a 5 block radius, and that girl is often at camp or visiting her grandmother. DD has been best friends with her since she was 6, but sometimes they get on each other's nerves (gee, I wonder why?) and end up fighting and not talking for a few days. Somehow, I'm always the one who suffers the most!

This is one of the main reasons I want to make Aliyah. If DD can live where there are lots of kids, and have an all girl's class, she'll have a much easier time finding a pack of girls to run around with.

I know there are a lot of challenges to having several kids, but having an only child comes with it's own set of issues, that's for sure.

imasinger

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 8:50 am

Hugs and sympathy/understanding here.

What helps us is scheduling like crazy, and planning work/learning times programmed into the day.

When you move from the mindset of "I have nothing good to do, I'm bored" to "Yay, I get a break, goody, seeyalater", life is easier. This is true even if the total of all required learning/davening/chores is only 1 hour out of the day, if you play your cards right.

Side note: a cheap camera is a wonderful thing for an antsy child.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 8:27 pm

imasinger wrote:

Side note: a cheap camera is a wonderful thing for an antsy child.

Too late. She's already fallen in love with my $500 camera! Thankfully she's very responsible with it. She's a clever girl, and has already mastered all of the settings, learned how to use iPhoto, make videos, and upload them onto her YouTube channel.

She's making American Girl doll movies and tutorials on how to DIY your own doll house furniture. Did I mention she has TONS of energy?

Right now she's at her dad's, and I have the house to myself for the next 24 hours. It's so quiet it's eerie. I should probably take advantage of the time to have a long hot bath, and watch a movie that isn't animated. Very Happy

Kugglegirl

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 9:08 pm

Oh my gosh! I so sympathize. For various reasons, the big kids are not in structured camp this summer. My 14 yo DD makes me crazy every evening with that ADHD energy! A million questions or random observations that she HAS to share with me!!! I try and listen to her, and acknowledge her with a pasted on smile, but eventually I'm like--- Please, can you go out and play in the rain or have a cup of coffee?????

Maybe we should hook the 2 of them up to skype together or something & let the one entertain the other!!!

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 9:18 pm

Kugglegirl wrote:

Thank you! Everything with DD needs to be NOW! NOW! NOW! Asking her to wait for me to get from a sitting to standing position takes too long for her. I can't even take a break when she's in the bathtub, because she'll want me to come in and watch her play, or as soon as I sit down she'll call me in to see what she's done with her toys, bubbles, to rinse her hair, to get a tiny bug out of the tub, … you get the picture.

She really wants a Wii Dance system, and I'm thinking I may have to cave and get it, even though I've already spent a fortune on her birthday last month (held at the HUGE bouncy house place, of course.)

I just wish there was some way I could transfer some of her energy to me - my house would be MUCH cleaner! LOL

I've tried to trick her into playing "Cinderella", but she's not buying it. Wink

granolamom

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 9:44 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I've tried to trick her into playing "Cinderella", but she's not buying it. Wink

what happens if you dont go to see every little thing she wants to show you?
what would happen if you tell her "I'm tired, I need some quiet time. I will be sitting quietly in my room for fifteen minutes and anything you need will have to wait until then" and set a timer so she can see the time passing and knows that when it rings you will really get up and resume attending to her.

I think its ok for kids to not always get the attention they seek (assuming of course that they are getting enough attention which by the sound of it, your dd is), especially when they are non-stop. I have one or two like that, its a challenge, but everyone is happier when mom isnt burned out.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 10:00 pm

granolamom wrote:

What will happen if I don't come running? It just escalates and escalates. I tell her that she needs to stop, ask nicely, and then give me a chance to respond. 5 seconds later it's something else, rinse, repeat. She KNOWS that she needs to not be so bossy and demanding, but she can't seem to physically control herself.

I am slowly building up increments of time where she has to wait. Even getting her to make a bracha before stuffing her face can be a challenge! My one firm boundary is that when I sit down to eat dinner, I do not get up until I am finished. Either ask before I sit down, or wait until I'm done.

I've gotten her to (mostly) stop interrupting me when I'm on the phone, but I still have to lock the bathroom door every single time. I also praise her when I see that she's shown restraint or respects my boundaries. Using the timer definitely helps, I've been using it since she was 2. Right now I'm working on her being patient just by listening to me, without depending on an outside enforcer. She had a really hard time in school last year, because of constantly speaking out and interrupting.

granolamom

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 10:24 pm

have you tried the timer? its been really helpful here.
can you get her to write down what she wants to say, just to slow things down a bit?
or practice quiet time (I'd use a stopwatch or timer)?

another thing that I've learned from dina friedmans course, is the 'you are...' statement. instead of regular praise (I'm so proud that you were able to wait patiently while I was in the bathroom) you could try 'you are so patient. you waited for me until I finished in that bathroom'. giving the identity seems to work with my kids sometimes, it builds them differently than praise. or, switching it up a bit, you can try 'wow! you finished your bath without calling for me. that is self-sufficiency!' if you can find big words or terms that she isnt familiar with, all the better. the novelty is worth millions. my kids actually puff up when I say stuff like that (not as often as I should, which is the sad truth. usually I just holler 'I"LL BE THERE WHEN IM OUT OF THE BATHROOM!!!' its so much easier to solve other peoples problems Smile

)

in any case, it sounds like youre moving in the right direction with it. do you have any way of getting some alone time? giving giving giving is exhausting, even if you love the ones you're giving to.

Kugglegirl

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 11:12 pm

I think a lot of it is that need for novel stimulation. It's not even that the kid wants answers to the questions-- this was a big piece for me to recognize-- she does not really want to know what "ottoman" mean in "ottoman empire" because it is just part of a stream of conscious & she is not really listening to my explanation, because now she is asking about why cars were called autos, or the evaproation rate of jello---

& do not try & tell me that I should have her go look those up in the encyclopedia or make an experiment with jello-- that is not what this is about!---

It's about being present as an audience & not judging her for how her brain works. One evening, after listening to my DD for several minutes, I said, "Is this what you are thinking about when you are in school? It must be hard to keep it all inside." She answered, "Yeah, sometimes I have to let some of it out."

So in a way, I do think that just the fact that it is summer vacation is a piece of this-- that they are feeling some of the freedom to let out all this pent-up energy and thoughts that they have to keep a lid on so much of the time.

I only wish that the energy could really be channeled into house cleaning, but they get so distracted so quickly--- the best strategy I found so far in the "house cleaning" area is to make a list on an index card of 4-5 things & then have her show me it's done. If it is not complete-- then I ask her to do the steps to complete-- ie- pick up those 2 towels.

I don't know if your DD is like this, but eventually, after I've listened for as long as I can mangage & I send her to her room, or out to do a task, she will pop back with "just one more question" or "Can I XYZ" & if I say no you can not XYZ, she still persists in asking & I end up screaming "NO, I answered that, Answer still is NO"---- & I think it is just the brain is running so fast they do not process what they are hearing.

On the bright side--- at least for my DD--- she is very resilient & with all this energy, is a favorite babysitter for many of the young kids around. We just have to get them through childhood with their sense of self intact & they will be amazing adults-- with tons of energy!!!